SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Have you ever wondered what the difference between a Grandmother and
a grandfather is?

Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning
available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a drive in
the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay
in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take
their granddaughter out in the car.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her
Grandfather was.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?'










'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a
single tosser, blind *******, dick-head or ****** anywhere today!'

Kev_turbo

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine told me his wife had been out in the car with their then 4 year old. They got to a roundabout and he piped up from the back "Daddy saw a pillock here yesterday, can you see one?".

What can you say to that?

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Brilliant mrs Swiss was out in the car a while back And our little one wondered where Dick was ???

Shame on her, we dont hAve an uncle Richard !

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

Couple of years back me and the ex- were taking our nieces to Matlock for the day (Gullivers Kingdom) - this was the FIRST day their parents had been without them since they were born... all very emotional: the Mother (sister in-law) was near to tears and the father was looking a bit grave.

I was driving and have been known to be 'enthusiastic' on the country roads, so was under STRICT instructions (and you have no idea how strict) to drive like a granny, no speeding, no heavy acceleration yada yada.

So off we go... the preferred road to Matlock was shut so I had to take a smaller alternate where we got stuck behind this complete ****-wit, dithering, utterly incapable brain dead mong. I REALLY wanted to overtake, as did the ex- but the pair of us were terrified of what would happen if... well... you know. So I sat there, waiting, fuming, steaming, and possibly growling.

The girls in back pipe up "Kieran why aren't you overtaking? He's going slow... go past, go past!"

I try and explain that we have to be patient and safe and, and and

"Go past! Go past!!" they're both now chanting in unison.

...and there's this clear stretch... so down 2 cogs and BOOT. The girls are giggling like loons and loving it (my car being WAY more powerful than their parents). I get past and immediately back off, cruise along nice and slow.

Great day at Gullivers Kingdom - a real laugh (with multiple phones call of "yes, they're alive, no, they're fine" to the parents)

We get back home and what's the VERY FIRST THING the kids say?

"Kieran went REALLY fast and FLEW past this slow car! It was GREAT!!!"

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Or, like when we had the T5 and eldest, then about 5 had seen a burnout video on the Internet ask if our car could do "Smoky tyres" like the one on the computer, I duly obliged with a really quite impressive burnout of my own, all three that it was great and obviously mum wasnt in the car...

Fine until, next time we were in the car, all of us this time and eldest shouted "Do smoky tyres again dad !", I had to explain and got in a little bit of trouble as it was her car, still, its muggins here that pays for the tyres and petrol.