1 to rival Swissy
1 to rival Swissy
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02 August 2010, 02:51 PM
#9
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My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it.
Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her.
She's a cracker.
Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her.
She's a cracker.
02 August 2010, 02:57 PM
#10
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I've just bought Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.... The USA Edition.
It has problems with the multi player....every time I join a game, it instantly ends and says I've won, when I blatantly did fvck all !!
It has problems with the multi player....every time I join a game, it instantly ends and says I've won, when I blatantly did fvck all !!
02 August 2010, 04:01 PM
#11
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02 August 2010, 04:26 PM
#12
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Got caught bashing one out yesterday whilst sniffing my mates sisters knickers. Problem was she still wearing them at the time, made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.
02 August 2010, 04:27 PM
#13
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Charles is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take your old mate Milton, and give it one more try."
"That's no good" sighs Noddy, "Milton's a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three", says Charles' wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Charles heads off to the golf course with Milton. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to Milton and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied Milton. "I have perfect eyesight".
"Where did it go?" says Charles.
"I don't remember." says Milton.
One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take your old mate Milton, and give it one more try."
"That's no good" sighs Noddy, "Milton's a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three", says Charles' wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Charles heads off to the golf course with Milton. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to Milton and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied Milton. "I have perfect eyesight".
"Where did it go?" says Charles.
"I don't remember." says Milton.
02 August 2010, 06:34 PM
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My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!""Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a ****
Last edited by supshon; 02 August 2010 at 06:37 PM.
02 August 2010, 06:45 PM
#17
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On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.
Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...
... and stuck my **** in her mouth.
Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...
... and stuck my **** in her mouth.
02 August 2010, 07:21 PM
#20
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Lady in labour shouting the usual stuff " get this out of me " " give me drugs "
She turns to her husband & says " you did this to me , it's all your fault cvnt "
He replies casually " if you remember I wanted to stick it up your **** but you
said "fkc off it'll be too painful" !
" Not laughing now are we " !
She turns to her husband & says " you did this to me , it's all your fault cvnt "
He replies casually " if you remember I wanted to stick it up your **** but you
said "fkc off it'll be too painful" !
" Not laughing now are we " !
06 August 2010, 03:55 PM
#24
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what do you call a pakistani flood survivor?
mustafa dinghi.
what black and white and eats like a horse?
a zebra.
i lost the pub quiz last night by 1 point, the question was, where do most women have curly hair? apparentley the answers africa.
mustafa dinghi.
what black and white and eats like a horse?
a zebra.
i lost the pub quiz last night by 1 point, the question was, where do most women have curly hair? apparentley the answers africa.
06 August 2010, 04:29 PM
#25
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Ginger woman goes to the Chemist and asks for a bottle of aspirin. The Chemist supplies her the bottle, she pays and leaves
Horrified the Chemist realises he's supplied her with a bottle of arsenic not aspirin, leaps the counter and runs down the street after her.
"Madam" he gasps to her "I've given you the wrong bottle"
"Oh, what's the problem?" asks the ginger woman
"You owe me another quid" replies the Chemist.
Horrified the Chemist realises he's supplied her with a bottle of arsenic not aspirin, leaps the counter and runs down the street after her.
"Madam" he gasps to her "I've given you the wrong bottle"
"Oh, what's the problem?" asks the ginger woman
"You owe me another quid" replies the Chemist.
06 August 2010, 05:54 PM
#26
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Ginger woman goes to the Chemist and asks for a bottle of aspirin. The Chemist supplies her the bottle, she pays and leaves
Horrified the Chemist realises he's supplied her with a bottle of arsenic not aspirin, leaps the counter and runs down the street after her.
"Madam" he gasps to her "I've given you the wrong bottle"
"Oh, what's the problem?" asks the ginger woman
"You owe me another quid" replies the Chemist.
Horrified the Chemist realises he's supplied her with a bottle of arsenic not aspirin, leaps the counter and runs down the street after her.
"Madam" he gasps to her "I've given you the wrong bottle"
"Oh, what's the problem?" asks the ginger woman
"You owe me another quid" replies the Chemist.
Joking aside, some ginger wimmins can look very attractive, but a ginger bloke
06 August 2010, 08:50 PM
#27
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man comes home from work, sits down and says "go on, get me a beer before it starts"
the wife roles her eyes, goes to the fridge and gets him a beer.
when he has finished he says "hey, another beer before it starts"
getting annoyed but biting her lip she fetches him another.
5 minutes later he shouts "WIFE...BEER...before it starts.
to which she says "listen here you fat lazy barstard, barking your feckin orders, just who the hell do you thingk you are?
husband sighs.........."its started"
the wife roles her eyes, goes to the fridge and gets him a beer.
when he has finished he says "hey, another beer before it starts"
getting annoyed but biting her lip she fetches him another.
5 minutes later he shouts "WIFE...BEER...before it starts.
to which she says "listen here you fat lazy barstard, barking your feckin orders, just who the hell do you thingk you are?
husband sighs.........."its started"
06 August 2010, 08:57 PM
#28
Scooby Regular
actually a true story
Paddy's in the pub tellin' his mates about joinin' the Army & about his first parachute jump; Paddy describes 'we were 3,000 feet up, then 1 by 1, they started to jump; when it was my turn, I couldn't do it - no way!'
Then this big black guy pulled out his 12" **** & cried "If you don't jump, I'm gonna stick this baby right up your ***!"
Paddys mates asked 'Well? Did you jump?'
Paddy replies 'just a bit when it first went in.'
Paddy's in the pub tellin' his mates about joinin' the Army & about his first parachute jump; Paddy describes 'we were 3,000 feet up, then 1 by 1, they started to jump; when it was my turn, I couldn't do it - no way!'
Then this big black guy pulled out his 12" **** & cried "If you don't jump, I'm gonna stick this baby right up your ***!"
Paddys mates asked 'Well? Did you jump?'
Paddy replies 'just a bit when it first went in.'
06 August 2010, 10:57 PM
#30
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Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week, and recently got my
daughter an iPod for hers, and I was really chuffed when the family got
together and bought me an iPad for father's day.
Got my wife an iRon for her birthday. It was around then the fight started......
daughter an iPod for hers, and I was really chuffed when the family got
together and bought me an iPad for father's day.
Got my wife an iRon for her birthday. It was around then the fight started......