hux309

I have this dreaded task this weekend, can anyone offer some help with regards to knocking one up?

All online places want to charge ffs.

subaruturbo_18

Ooooh your ****ked




















Thats not me comenting to you, thats what you tell the groom just after he's got married

my06 ppp silver

iTrader: (2)

i tried you tube for my grooms speech. got a few ideas from diffrent ones and hey presto jobs a guddun. went down a treat as well. ps. good luck, you will be ok.

Account deleted by request

"i'd like to wish the bridge and groom a fantastic honeymoon in north wales, I'm a little surprised at the destination but this morning <insert grooms name> said he was going to bangor for a week"

Chop

jods

Jesus H Ch1st - You've left it a bit late!!!!!!!

Here's some jokes you could put in.

When commenting on how lovely the bride looks and how she could have had her choice of any man she wanted, say it is only right that her door key be returned. SAY KEY NOT KEYS

At this point - YOU put your hand in your pocket and give her a key.
As soon as you hand over the key [you need to pre-prepare this by giving any old keys out] all or nearly all the blokes at the reception approach the head table and put keys on the table in front of her (to uproarious laughter - hopefully)

DON'T give a key to someone who HAS porked her who isn't the bride groom.

===================================

Get hold of a thick wedge of continuous printer paper - Hold it up like you are going to read from it.

"Grooms Name" is a wonderful chap, his achievements are well documented and there are so many things I could tell you about how brave, generous, intelligent and yet so refreshingly humble he is!!

Pause for effect

Keep hold of the top sheet and let the rest cascade to the floor and beyond.

Half pause.

Punchline

"Unfortunately - I cant read his awful handwriting."

Boom Boom - You'll have them wetting themselves.

The rest is up to you you knobber -

David Lock

PLEASE do a search.

This subject comes up about 3 or 4 times a year and there are some good replies - especially from me

dl



btw the key thing is a bit old hat now.

Here's a taster.

Stand up and clear your throat. Scrabble your notes together and then say loudly and clearly FORNICAION

Room goes silent and you pretend that you have made some awful gaffe. Look again, worriedly, at your notes and then say slowly "This beautiful church is a wonderful setting For an Occasion like This."

my06 ppp silver

iTrader: (2)

heres one from my best mans speech.........."as a married man myself i would like to give <groom> some good married mans advice..... NEVER go to bed together disagreeing about things, it will only eat away at you both,........ALWAYS stay up and argue!!!!", of course if you are not married then you could always start this with ... "A wise married man i know once said to me...... NEVER etc. good luck.

hux309

Some great suggestions that'll make life easier, i plan on having a couple of shandies just to loosen the lips first.

The bangor one will have to be thrown in, also been given this good one.

Say thanks to the family for accepting my brother into their family, cos he was sh*t in ours.

Im really loving the door key one but i think both mine and her family would disown me if i tried that one.

jods

In your FACE Locky

97TURBO

At my wedding i just got pissed and then went with the freestyle approach. My best man (brother) pretty much did the same. The more you stand and rehearse something the worse it sounds.

jods

It's true that you can't polish a turd.

Steve vRS

John was born on Tuesday, 23rd October, 1976.

I've tried to find other momentous events that occurred on this date but I've failed to find anything that was as spectacular as the birth of John...a day the midwives came to call monkey birth Tuesday....

Steve

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

I remember one where you say, as a baby your mumm wiped your but, you suckeled her tit, you ran to her for comfort etc and now he will be doing that with the bride...

Obviously it was more bodied then that!