vallumlj

I am best man this weekend and I no i have left the speech quite late. I will be reading this to about 70 people and this is making me start to panic and i really don't want to go. Can you please look at the following and tell me if it's ok and give me any tips you have.

We are both 25 if it helps

Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen; bride and groom.
May I first say that the bridesmaids are looking wonderful today and, only rightly so, second only to our lovely bride, Becca. I’m sure you will all agree with me there.
Those of you who don’t know me, my name is Tony, and Alex has chosen me to be his best man on this special day. For this I feel very honoured and I would like to say a few kind words to show my gratitude
I remember when I first met Alex outside Merton shops he was wearing his bright yellow Helly Hanson puffer jacket, which he never took off. I am reliably informed that he even worn it to bed, isn’t that right Sue?. We didn’t have many things in common when we first met apart from women and drinking and this has kept our friendship strong for the last 10 years.
The first few years we spent most of our time trying to sneak to into numerous local drinking establishments, but by the time we managed to sneak in it was time to get the 10.30 bus home before we got the dreaded phone call from our parents.
Alex has always been one step ahead of us, he got a full time job first, he was first to first to lose his L plates and his v plates. The first person to get arrested and of course the first to become a father, on the birth of handsome young Bradley. So it’s no surprise to us he is the first to get married.


I remember the first time I met Becca - she was waiting for Alex as we got of the half 3 bus from Envy and I asked Alex who the girl was in the short skirt he was throwing chips at. It was clear from this point that she was going to be the one he would spend the rest of his life with.
As most of you know, Alex is a very modest, reserved and easy going young man – so it might surprise you to know that I once caught him in a fight with a doorman at McDonalds whilst on holiday in Corfu. Although he is not always this aggressive when he’s had a drink – he also almost managed to drown himself in a paddling pool one summer after having one too many cocktails in his back garden and falling asleep in it.
You will be happy to no that I am coming to the end of the speech, I can tell everyone is having a great time. Alex and Becca have made a great effort to ensure that we all get drunk.
I would like to thank everybody who has helped make this day so special, especially as I know some of you have travelled a long way to be with us today. I know there has been a lot of hard work involved over the past few weeks and as a result we have the perfect setting in which to witness our friends Alex and Becca make a special connection (by the way just to make it clear I had no involvement in any of the hard work)
Now I have nothing left to say other than that it is my great honour and privilege to make the first toast to Alex and Becca as husband and wife - cheers

stilover

Take out the fighting bit.

Not being funny (like your speech), but that is a very boring speech.

I was asked to be a best man once, but refused. Got to be one of life's most dreaded activities. A Best man speech.

Are you doing speeches before or after the meal? Last few I've been to, the speeches have all been before, so people can actually enjoy the meal instead of bricking it while trying to eat something.

ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

Seems pretty good, nothing offensive or rude. The only advice I can give you, and this is what I was told when I was best man a couple of months ago is, " everyone is on your side, and not against you" I was pretty nervus as I'm quite shy and have never really spoken in public. I found once I got into it and had a couple of laughs I enjoyed it! Another thing don't get pissed before you've read it

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

yep take out the fighting, pad it out a bit with a few jokes (google best mans speech)

Don't forget the telegrams / messages (if any). If really traditional thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids for his toast.

this bit - he also almost managed to drown himself in a paddling pool one summer after having one too many cocktails in his back garden and falling asleep in it that is a fact, not a story - tell the story! Artistic license.

Also tell the audience about how "Alex is a very modest, reserved and easy going young man" give a good account of his positive character before the slating begins

ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

Stilover it doesn't have to be funny, it's just a speach, if the guys not a funny/comic type person there's no point in trying to be in the speach.

mike h

iTrader: (10)

In a speech I gave I had this in my intro,

"The last time I stood infront of a crowd this big I was pleading not guilty."

That got a good giggle to break the ice.

CupraDave

iTrader: (1)

I was best man at my brothers wedding, I spent hours writing my speech and managed to miss out a section due to nerves.

I started off by standing after being handed the mic and saying "my name is Dave and I am an alcoholic" then sitting back down for a couple of seconds before getting back up and saying "oh sorry I thought I was somewhere else for a moment then" Got quite a giggle for that.

The joke everyone still remembers to this day though got the best laugh

"I wish you all the best on your honeymoon in Wales, or at least I think thats where they are going, Colin just said he was going to Bangor for a week"

Dont panic is the best advice I can give, as someone already said, everyone in the room is on your side. Echoing what has been said, use google to find some extra content

Good luck and enjoy it

astraboy

the easiest way to get rid of nerves is to focus the embarrassment on the groom! In the ten years drinking you've done with him, there has to be more dirt than that. make sure you really make him squirm, if you have any funny pictures of him in a compromising situation, work in a story about it with the punchline as the picture. get loads of copies made up and blu tac em to the bottom of everyone's seats except the groom!
Then when you ask everyone to look under their seats, they will have a good laugh as the groom sits there not knowing what everyone's laughing about!
Always goes down a treat, that one.
Astraboy.

Coffin Dodger

I would advise the opposite, only time I've done it was at a mates wedding in Scotland. Was a bit worse for wear on the morning of the wedding but a few single malts made it all better. As we were doing the speeches after the meal there was no way I was going to hold back on the wine with the fine feast we'd been provided with so by the time I came to do it I was feeling quite "relaxed" about the whole thing. Went down quite well I think.

I can handle my drink though

mike h

iTrader: (10)

Don't rush through it, speak clearly. Once you get going you'll feel more confident.

David Lock

Search NSR. There are some great posts including a hilarious link to a You Tube best man address. dl

gallois

i was best man for my brothers wedding, and was sooooo nervous, i was so bad that i almost never made a speech at all, i tried getting a few drinks down before hand but that made me worse. anyway, the brides uncle stood up and said ladies and gents, a few words from the best man, and so i had no choice. The speech itself isn't that important, it is how it is delivered, i managed to get into it after a few minutes, and thought 'this isn't so bad', it's the actual nerves before the speech that are ten times worse. what i will say is take your time when you are talking, more than when you are talking to someone, when you get a laugh, let it drag out a bit, get a joke or two in there, like the old 'ok, i shall read a few cards now', and stand there silently reading them to yourself and chuckling now and then, before putting them down and carrying on with the speech.............good luck, don't wish it away, most people don't care, or won't remember anyway, don't be too jokingly crude or insulting, toast now and again to use up time, you will look back and think that you did actually enjoy it....

David Lock

One of the best opening lines suggested was the Best Man clearing his throat to start off and then saying loudly and slowly "FORNICATION". As the room is then in complete silence the Best Man looks around embarrassed, shuffles his notes and tries again. "This lovely church and hall is an ideal setting for an occasion such as this"

One of my own favourites is for the Best Man to say that coincidentally he spoke at a meeting in this very same hall some weeks back at the local AA meeting. And he was delighted to see so many familiar faces here today!

dl

Coffin Dodger

Yes David has a good point here, don't bother using any of those old best man speech clichés, we've all heard them before and they're simply not funny. Try to think up something new or unusual to break the ice.

And for gawds sake do not use the "this isn't the first time I've risen from a warm seat with a sheet of paper in my hand today" opener. I cringe if ever anyone uses that these days. You know the speech is going down hill from there....

vallumlj

Thanks for all the ideas so far. I agree that i do need a few jokes in it. The dinner is going to be in a marque so i can't use the aa ones.

I think i still might leave the fight bit in there.

Any other jokes you can think off

Thanks again

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

Hows about I was feeling a bit nervous about forgetting what I was going to say so I prepared a few lines..... Pause

And having snorted them in the gents half an hour ago I'm now feeling quite relaxed!!!

David Lock

You can always end by adding a touch of topicality like "I'd better finish now as the couple have to rush off and get the kids baptised." Most people will get that.

Another finish is to say that you were told that your speech should last as long as the groom takes to make love and sit down in a hurry!

The real key if you are nervous is to write it down and force yourself to speak slowly. This does not seem natural but practice this on the dog back home. dl

s70rjw

iTrader: (2)

I've done it 3 times. My advice is:
There is no need to be rude to be funny
The day is for the bride and groom. Don't spoil it by bringing up things from the past that the bride and familiesb might not appreciate.
When you first stand up, look around your audience before you speak. That way, if nerves get the better of you, your pause will not be as noticeable.
Open your speech with a neutral funny line which you are comfortable with. Get the audience on your side from the outset and they will help you out...Best of luck

daddyscoob

there is the key thing - old but poss funny. You hand out aload of keys to hot girls before speeches. Then mention groom settled down now sowed his wild oats etc so if thee is any girls with door keys to his house/flat/aparment please hand them in now. All the girls stand up and hand in their keys ...... dunno maybe funny ?????

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Hi there,

I don't know you or your friend. I have experienced a number of best man speeches however - I cannot encourage you enough to remove the fighting thing. It just does not come across well.

When you give your speech there are a couple of tips that can help you...

Before you stand up steady yourself with a couple of deep breaths taken slowly

Stand up and again take a gentle deep breath. It will seem like an age that you are waiting, to the audience it will not. Standing confidently and taking in the room for about 3-4 seconds (count them out in your head 1,000; 2,000; 3,000; 4,000) is a brilliant way to quieten the room and bring all the attention to you as the speaker.

Then one more moderate deep breath and speak slowly! You will be pumped with adrenaline which is a good thing (all the best speakers are no matter how experienced).

It is great to look at the people around the room. If that makes you feel uncomfortable pick a few spots around the room just over peoples heads and look at them.

Remember to move a little as you look around side to side, a little movement in the body will again help you relax.

If you realise you forgot something, don't worry, no one will know but you.

If you forget everything then it is really easy - just remember that the bridesmaids are pretty and you are honoured to honour your friend.

Personally, apart from the fighting joke, I would stay away from jokes to do with sex and other women, or women in general. They are cliched and just not that funny at weddings unless you are in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

And stay reasonably sober. It really will help.

vallumlj

Thanks trout for all that advice.

Do you think if i changed the fight from a fact to a story that would be ok ?

Is it ok in the part were i have mentioned the women ?

Any good jokes for the opener i think i need one ?

Thanks

I will be speaking to a few more friends today to see if i can get a story so i will upload what i get.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Ladies and Gentleman I'd like to thank you all very much for attending my Best Mans day today. I think it was particularly nice of Becca and Alex to dress so nicely for it. [Pause for laughs]

May I first say that the bridesmaids are looking wonderful today and, only rightly so, second only to our lovely bride, Becca. I’m sure you will all agree with me there.
Those of you who don’t know me, my name is Tony, and Alex has chosen me to be his best man on this special day. I am very honoured and I would like to say a few kind words to show my gratitude.

I remember when I first met Alex outside Merton shops he was wearing his bright yellow Helly Hanson puffer jacket, which he never took off. I am reliably informed that he even worn it to bed, isn’t that right Sue? (Is Sue his mum?)

When we first met, apart from my love of Yellow Puffer jackets, I never thought we had we really had much in common. But friendship is a strange beast and I could not ask for a better friend.

The first few years we spent most of our time trying to sneak to into numerous local drinking establishments. The problem was that by the time we managed to sneak in it was time to get the 10.30 bus home before we got the dreaded phone call from our parents.

Alex has always been one step ahead of me, he got a full time job first, he was first to first to drive a car. He was even the first to let go of his Yellow Puffer jacket. The first to become a father, on the birth of handsome young Bradley. So it’s no surprise to us he is the first to get married.

I remember the first time I met Becca - she was waiting for Alex as we got of the half 3 bus from Envy and I asked Alex who the girl was in the short skirt he was throwing chips at. Love is such a strange thing! Actually, it was clear from this point that she was going to be the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

As most of you know, Alex is a very modest, reserved and easy going young man – so it might surprise you to know that I once caught him taking on the doorman at McDonalds whilst on holiday in Corfu. Once he gets the sniff of a Big Mac there is nothing you can to stop him! Maybe he had just had a little to much to drink as he once almost managed to drown himself in a paddling pool one summer after having one too many cocktails in his back garden and falling asleep in it.

You will be happy to know that I am coming to the end of the speech, I can tell everyone is having a great time. Alex and Becca have made a great effort to ensure that we all have a fabulous day and I know it is very special for them.

Before I finish I would like to read you a couple of cards/telegrams from those who were not able to join us today.

I would like to thank everybody who has helped make this day so special, especially as I know some of you have travelled a long way to be with us today. There has been a lot of hard work involved over the past few weeks and as a result we have the perfect setting in which to witness our friends Alex and Becca make a special connection (by the way just to make it clear I had no involvement in any of the hard work).

Now I have nothing left to say other than that it is my great honour and privilege to make the first toast to Alex and Becca as husband and wife, please stand. Ladies and Gentlement - raise your glassed to the bride and groom. The Bride and Groom.

Ted Maul

When I was best man I first of all went down the route of using the generic jokes you can find on the net (eg the bangor one) but realised that people want to hear jokes about the groom. If you really can't make up any specific funnies about the groom then go with the usuals but I find them a cop out.