I am not mad or angry, I just wanted to go crazy honey, okay?!
22 May 2009, 03:59 AM
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I am not mad or angry, I just wanted to go crazy honey, okay?!
Hmm aggression is a strange thing folks... I just got back from a police station in Tooting Beck (was at my old streets to do some remaniscing and other shtlikedat) and got into a smallish fight.
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
22 May 2009, 08:08 AM
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I can relate to some of what you said, as I have some old grudges from school and have seeked revenge when meeting them again in adult life. So, Im glad you sorted yourself out.
However, please dont ever ever ever write such crap again. Its like reading the lyrics of a Slim Shandy rap.
:-)
SBK
However, please dont ever ever ever write such crap again. Its like reading the lyrics of a Slim Shandy rap.
:-)
SBK
Last edited by sbk1972; 22 May 2009 at 08:09 AM.
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22 May 2009, 08:21 AM
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Glad you've got him off your mind
Last edited by jasey; 22 May 2009 at 08:22 AM.
22 May 2009, 08:53 AM
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Hmm aggression is a strange thing folks... I just got back from a police station in Tooting Beck (was at my old streets to do some remaniscing and other shtlikedat) and got into a smallish fight.
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
22 May 2009, 09:02 AM
#12
..I dunno.. there was this kid at my Primary School called Gary who decided to get all girly and clawed my face when I was about 8 or 9. If I saw him now almost 22 years later I'd still beat the crap out of him out of principle. 
And I'm a particularly chilled out person I think, still, if you have someone who wronged you that badly when you are a kid I think it's always going to be difficult to contain those kinds of emotions.
But hell, what happened to your typing!?!?
And I'm a particularly chilled out person I think, still, if you have someone who wronged you that badly when you are a kid I think it's always going to be difficult to contain those kinds of emotions.But hell, what happened to your typing!?!?
22 May 2009, 09:32 AM
#15
There was a chap at school who used to bully me and some others, made life a misery. All mental & not physical with the only time it came to a fight my sitting on top of him banging his head into the floor. The constant bullying had a profound effect on me and shaped much of who I am today.
He would seemingly have never changed his ways and has essentially just been done for bullying within the workplace. Hopefully that will have curtailed his career somewhat and couldn't have happened to a nicer person not - just a shame that others have had to suffer him over the years but at least he should no longer have a position of authority.
He would seemingly have never changed his ways and has essentially just been done for bullying within the workplace. Hopefully that will have curtailed his career somewhat and couldn't have happened to a nicer person not - just a shame that others have had to suffer him over the years but at least he should no longer have a position of authority.
I gave up reading this.. anyone fancy giving a small summary ?
22 May 2009, 10:00 AM
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I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol).
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol).
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
22 May 2009, 10:05 AM
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Fella got picked on at school, YEARS later saw some kid form school at MC thing in an old warehouse (mean streets of bucks)
Beat the fella up
Got nicked
went home
Likes the gym a lot
thinks its ok to beat people up sometimes
Thats all..... Now lets hit the showers!!!!
Beat the fella up
Got nicked
went home
Likes the gym a lot
thinks its ok to beat people up sometimes
Thats all..... Now lets hit the showers!!!!
this the same fella whos lost his mortgage too ... maybe he needs to cut back on the roids ?
22 May 2009, 11:57 AM
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Hmm aggression is a strange thing folks... I just got back from a police station in Tooting Beck (was at my old streets to do some remaniscing and other shtlikedat) and got into a smallish fight.
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
I fckd up the other guy but I needed to school this munda a lesson and my "kidda shearoo!" boys will know waaguan n tings - I am not drunk but still shaking from the rage and I am supposed to be a calm and collected dude.
But this guy was an ooooooold enemy, I mean he made my life a living hell, had him and his 8+ mates beat the hell out of me when I was 13 in my first year in the then ghetto real Grange Hill Primary school off Glenburny road (if anyone knows the place).
He was still living there which amazed me, was running his old mans place and milking everything from his two parents at home while his bros and sisters were all doing well, dead or locked up.
So this ghetto boy ends up in the same live MC/Spoken word do at the local warehouse (used to be an old factory opposite the tooting beck west training station). All good and then my man walks in drunk and starts to come up to people who thought he knew, starts to aggro one of my tooting mates who was not a happy guy (the mans a 20 stone tank dude!)...
I dunno what happened, he came over to me, after about 10 minutes from our "yeah whatever dude I don't know you cuz" conversation he recognises me and starts to recollect my beating... laughing - WTF?!
I totally flipped, sober as a tree hugger on national natural tree climbing day I just felt everything slow down (as it does before your first round in a fight or just as you are about to take that perfect volly on the football), I felt this sense of clarity and calm in my brain, then it felt like someone had spike me with Zambuka, a few of em.
Oh boy, I was gritting my teeth and apparently growling a lot (lol), all I remember is that I was crying at first after driving at him into a ground mount, then crying as I lay my fists into him.
Then laughing as we got outside and he hit me, I got pinned down by my mates thankfully or I would have probably harmed him but now I feel sick.
Why is that?
I normally only get aggro'd in the gym, the ring/dojo or on at work but I use the aggression carefully - this was different, pure and utter rage but it felt like I had taught the dude a proper lesson - he will take a long look at his life and wonder what kind of monster he created.
50 arrived shortly and man handled me into the nice van and down the station but the officer was a local and we got chatting about my past. When he realised his son was my mate at school and my youngen days I got some smiles and good conversation.
Formality over I was allowed to go after a couple of hours when most of the crowd gave statements that the dude I boxed up was the one who threw the punches, I was defending myself.... yeah 16 stone, 5'10 bruiser defends himself against a 6'2 skinny 9 stone crack addict.
What a night, now I can't sleep, got a small cut on my lip and a slight bruise on my right cheek which I have no idea how I got but my hands... oh boy are a mess so dunno how I am going to explain that to my boss in about 5 hours?!
Been told not gonna be on my record as my previous ABH has expired (young and wreckless days) so thankfully my employers will not go mental but I got a caution and told I need to stay off the radar for a while.
Well I am a not always an angry dog barking but has anyone else totally lost it for whatever amount of time, and then felt in that moment they had clarity and felt refreshed afterwards?
Not sure if it's the letting out of all that rage but seems I had some pent up trauma... on a serious note I want to know if it's something that could happen again as I know exactly what caused it, I have this out of body visualisaiton of myself and step by step words, feelings and responses that triggered the rage.
My best bro Tyrone said he had never ever seen me like that, I was someone else and had this maddening look of intent and pleasure... which scares me because I felt more of a buzz from beating that guy down hard than I have ever done in a ring or with my boys in a sparring session.
So should I get this looked into? I had a serious event in my life about 10 years ago, was left virtually fckedup-propper-enit for about a year, couldn't walk/talk properly and have a big chunk of my memory missing from my college days and prior.
I think I am over it, I was beaten 8 times with an iron bar and left for dead at a bus stop if anyone is wonder btw... what changed my life forever (and the better imo).
I got the two guys back but felt angry for a long time, after so many fights I got counciling and was told I sufffered from post-traumatic stress and incident induced emotional imbalance - basically stating I am bi-polar (yeah nuttin new) but suffer from overload of emotions so can get extremely aggressive and unbalanced or introvert and unsociable but not able to express my emotions too well.
So I am brain damaged woopy doo, so are half my "normal" friends but what worries me is that it took me 10 years to balance out the emotional baggage I carry, but what just happened has made all that unravell and I am worried I might flip (willingly/wantingly?) at the next oppertunity.
But you have to agree... sometimes there are people in this day and age who cannot be talked to, they just need to be beaten... down hard with your fists, no drama, no tools, just a one on one lesson on what that person needs to learn.
Anyhoos I am off to sleep and then gym, need to chill out but would appreciate any "street-rage" stories.
"Bottled Up Asian Hulk"
22 May 2009, 12:09 PM
#28
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Translation: the guy was being a ****, and needed a slap! People from my background will understand what's going on and stuff 
I can tone it up further if you wish!
The translation of 'Munda' depends on whether one is speaking in punjabi or telegu: it means "boy" or "*****" respectively, If I understand it correctly.
In this context I'm guessing that it was the latter!
I can tone it up further if you wish!
The translation of 'Munda' depends on whether one is speaking in punjabi or telegu: it means "boy" or "*****" respectively, If I understand it correctly.
In this context I'm guessing that it was the latter!
Last edited by New_scooby_04; 22 May 2009 at 12:12 PM.
22 May 2009, 01:34 PM
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I can understand why you did that Finalzero. I can think of one or two from years ago who could well do with a bit of a lesson.
Hope its done you a bit of good to get that off your chest.
Les
Hope its done you a bit of good to get that off your chest.
Les
22 May 2009, 05:01 PM
#30
OP..... seriously, march your **** back to school will you and learn to write!
Do you talk how you write? If you do then I am sure 50% of the people will think you are a wide boy and the other 50% will think you are retarded
Do you talk how you write? If you do then I am sure 50% of the people will think you are a wide boy and the other 50% will think you are retarded
Last edited by mrtheedge2u2; 22 May 2009 at 05:02 PM.