hutton_d

Apparently true stories ..... enjoy!
(They must be true 'cos they came to me via email on a *friends* jokes alias ....).

Idiot #1

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of
the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

Idiot #2

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were
surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated
when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Idiot #3

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to
the teller,he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and
left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.

Idiot #4

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.

Idiot #5

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber two hours later.

Idiot #6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

Idiot #7

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

hutton_d

Hey! The email WAS dated 2001 .......

Dave