Timwinner

iTrader: (3)

I have copied and pasted this directly from my local forum Surreyscoobies. It was posted by a top member there Bomag. I cant take any credit.
But its sooooo funny.

This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then Immigration, The Hon Minister Amanda Vanstone.
The Government tried in desperation to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!
Please excuse the language contained within, but I suspect the author was somewhat upset? I'll let you decide!



Another happy customer of the Federal government.

A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected ****** who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate.

Below is one such wonderful communication...


Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...


I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bull****! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a **** whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo... that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our bloody heads cut off, and then having to find some high society ****** to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you bloody morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850!
In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all Bloody idiots

GC8WRX

******* brilliant, some good points made there!

stilover

I want to see a picture of his daughter.

Wurzel

iTrader: (1)

So abit like this one then by a British bloke, that I got by email a few years ago!!

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake!
I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so

complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and

I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...

Who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN ...


Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Things just get changed every now and then

Still funny though

coolangatta

Medicare makes me think America, not Australia.
Also, eight passports So at ten years per passport this guy is getting on a bit

Paul3446

Are there any genuine stories any more, or is everything in life an urban myth now?

ricardo

If it is on the Internet then eventually it is 'true'. Things that aren't on the Internet never really happened.

Funkii Munkii

Medicare is Australian

Got my card in my wallet and it is stamped with visitor, so I'm not getting the $950 Mr Blair, sorry Mr Rudd is giving every citizen, nor am I getting the "Back to school" hand out for each child.

Although I pay my taxes and super annuation, and as a non permanent resident of NSW I am expected to pay $4500 a year to send my daughter to s state school....

Anyone what to knock up a letter for me

RAJ27

Move state....it's better up north!!

Funkii Munkii

LOL I wanted to locate to Brizzie, but the transfer was to Sydney, no complaints though, really like Sydney, anyway everything shuts early and you're all in bed by 21.00 up there

Luke

British gas now seem to think that part of the security information they need is your Job decription, if you own your property and what car you drive !!!
Girl was taken back when i told her to fk off

RAJ27

Yeah your correct, but you have heard of a place called the Gold Coast? ;0

I lived in Sydney, the west side and hated everybit of it. Loved to live up the north shore, but way way too expensive. I'm flying down to Sydney tomorrow to watch Top Gear Live at the Acer. Looking fwd to the show and I'm going to my fav restaurant in New Town...Thai Pot Hong.

Funkii Munkii

Yep

I like the GC, but prefer the SC especially Noosa, a bit pricey there as well !!

I know what you mean about the west, it's way to hot, I'm down in the shire and really like the surroundings.

Funnily enough I'm off to TGL at the Acer tonight.

And I know of the restaurant you're talking about I was up in Newtown last weekend, I love Thai curries and how many Thai's have they got down there lol, I counted at least 8. I'll give it a try next time i'm up that way.

Expect a warm one down here at the weekend, anything from 40-47o expected, aircon to the max....

Cheers

phil_wrx

iTrader: (2)

*******s

Funkii Munkii

Yeah but I enjoy the snow and am a bit gutted at missing out on what London's getting right, now, although I'm sure the novelty wears off after a couple off days

Klaatu

Actually, "Medicare" law was originally introduced in 1965 in America. It was a vehicle used for moving the dependence of the old on the state and taxpayers to somewhere else. It became more widespread in the early 90's in the US. In Australia, "Medicare" was orginally called "Medibank" (Note I stress the Bank) in 1975. Medibank Private is now a private medical insurance company, Medicare is state funded (Through your medicare levy on income). Either way you get to pay twice for health care, Govn't and "insurance" companies make massive profits.

I was a visitor to Australia until recently and had to provide my own insurance. Now a permanent resident I discovered I was entitled to care under Medicare. I never claimed and was able to reclaim my levy at tax time. All different now.

Don't think I qualify for tax rebates either.

Funkii Munkii

You qualify for the $950 hand out if you worked and paid tax for the 2007-2008 tax year, resident or not. Or so I have been told.

RAJ27

It snows it Oz as well, but the pics that we have seen of blighty look bad..... probably made worse by local councils and the highway agency fcukin up with the grit again.

Funkii Munkii

I think you'll enjoy Top Gear Live, it was quality, I wont spoil it for you