Child access advice needed please!
14 November 2008, 01:31 AM
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Child access advice needed please!
Hey guys
I have a four month old daughter with my ex, long story short we split up before we found out she was pregnant, as it really, really wasn't working. Anyway when the time came that she found she was pregnant, and I didnt come running back to her, shes been pretty bitter since. Quite vindictive actually, fair play as Id be the same, but no need to stop me seeing my daughter. Anyway when my daughter arrived I was pretty much the last to know, I didnt find out til the day after when i rung her up. My name wasn't even put on the birth certificate. next few weeks were okay, got on for babies sake and I saw her a few times a week with my ex, spent sh@tloads of money on her first two months, clothes, shoes, nappies, milk, anything she needed. Then two months go by and my ex is getting more bitter and i get to see my little girl less and less, until it comes to breaking point and me saying that i wouldnt give her anymore money til i can see my daughter on my own, like even with my mum for half an hour a week! hell my father hasnt even seen his grandaughter yet. She obviously says no, so i say right ill have my weekly money put into a bank then until you let me see her privately, thinking she'd crack and let me have her. Anyway i regretted this after a week and have been texting her since. ive heard she's moved to a town a short journey away and found someone else (fair play im happy 4 her) but she has been ingoring texts and phone calls. then today she rung me up saying i chose my fate when i didnt get back with her, and how the person im with now is also to blame for me not being able to see her, and that she doesnt want my money, or anything from my family for xmas, and that she has moved on and happy and my daughter has a new daddy.
Few weeks ago i got a form from the csa to pay maintenace weekly...fair enough all filled out and sent, even though I was giving her thirty pound a week. Iv offered to give her all the money in the bank iv saved just to see them both for even ten minutes as i miss my daughter so much but shes having none of it.
can she do this? I suppose my real question in the thread is what do i do now? i mean, do i just go to a normal solicitor? a family solicitor? the csa? I really dont know how to go about doing this. I beg her to meet up and talk as my child doesnt deserve all the court business but still she ingores me.
dont get me wrong, its not all her and im not painting myself to be perfect, ive given my fair share of harsh words throughout this. But the girl really is hard work
so....anyone on here been through this situation? I jus dont wanna be branded like some young idiot from jeremy kyle who's not bothered with their child, because i am! I just dont know where to go from here....
thanks
I have a four month old daughter with my ex, long story short we split up before we found out she was pregnant, as it really, really wasn't working. Anyway when the time came that she found she was pregnant, and I didnt come running back to her, shes been pretty bitter since. Quite vindictive actually, fair play as Id be the same, but no need to stop me seeing my daughter. Anyway when my daughter arrived I was pretty much the last to know, I didnt find out til the day after when i rung her up. My name wasn't even put on the birth certificate. next few weeks were okay, got on for babies sake and I saw her a few times a week with my ex, spent sh@tloads of money on her first two months, clothes, shoes, nappies, milk, anything she needed. Then two months go by and my ex is getting more bitter and i get to see my little girl less and less, until it comes to breaking point and me saying that i wouldnt give her anymore money til i can see my daughter on my own, like even with my mum for half an hour a week! hell my father hasnt even seen his grandaughter yet. She obviously says no, so i say right ill have my weekly money put into a bank then until you let me see her privately, thinking she'd crack and let me have her. Anyway i regretted this after a week and have been texting her since. ive heard she's moved to a town a short journey away and found someone else (fair play im happy 4 her) but she has been ingoring texts and phone calls. then today she rung me up saying i chose my fate when i didnt get back with her, and how the person im with now is also to blame for me not being able to see her, and that she doesnt want my money, or anything from my family for xmas, and that she has moved on and happy and my daughter has a new daddy.
Few weeks ago i got a form from the csa to pay maintenace weekly...fair enough all filled out and sent, even though I was giving her thirty pound a week. Iv offered to give her all the money in the bank iv saved just to see them both for even ten minutes as i miss my daughter so much but shes having none of it.
can she do this? I suppose my real question in the thread is what do i do now? i mean, do i just go to a normal solicitor? a family solicitor? the csa? I really dont know how to go about doing this. I beg her to meet up and talk as my child doesnt deserve all the court business but still she ingores me.
dont get me wrong, its not all her and im not painting myself to be perfect, ive given my fair share of harsh words throughout this. But the girl really is hard work
so....anyone on here been through this situation? I jus dont wanna be branded like some young idiot from jeremy kyle who's not bothered with their child, because i am! I just dont know where to go from here....
thanks
14 November 2008, 02:29 AM
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Your PM box was full so have a look on here and find a recommended solictor >>> Welcome - OnlyDads - Talk, Help and Support for Lone Fathers
14 November 2008, 07:20 AM
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The CSA have nothing to do with visitation rights, as above, see a solicitor.
Sounds to me like this girl is being extremely spiteful, I would give her no more of your time, just get the lawyers on it and forget the begging texts & calls.
Just be the best dad you can be fella.
Sounds to me like this girl is being extremely spiteful, I would give her no more of your time, just get the lawyers on it and forget the begging texts & calls.
Just be the best dad you can be fella.
14 November 2008, 07:47 AM
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Sounds to me like you know Swisstony's ex 
But seriously mate, as long as you aren't some lunatick or as you say Jeremy Kyle 'wannabe' there must be legal proceedres in place for folk like yourself to see their children. If it were me I'd be spitting feathers as not being able to see my newly born. You helped create her afterall mate and it's not as if she's (ex) moved away due to fear, just general spite
Good luck anyways, and you know where I am if you wanna talk about it dude.
But seriously mate, as long as you aren't some lunatick or as you say Jeremy Kyle 'wannabe' there must be legal proceedres in place for folk like yourself to see their children. If it were me I'd be spitting feathers as not being able to see my newly born. You helped create her afterall mate and it's not as if she's (ex) moved away due to fear, just general spite
Good luck anyways, and you know where I am if you wanna talk about it dude.
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14 November 2008, 08:02 AM
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I have to be honest and say that this thought did also occur to me. It was just that the timing was a little 'odd' (for want of a better word).
It's fantastic news that you DO have a daughter, but it would be utterly cruel to you if you were paying out to your ex- for someone elses....
14 November 2008, 08:22 AM
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Just my 2p worth Ash.
You've tried the nice guy approach and it hasn't worked. Now you have to make things official and as the other guys have said get yourself a brief. There's a lot at stake and it needs to be properly sorted out otherwise you won't know if you're coming or going for a good many years ahead.
As nasty as it may sound (and it's not meant that way) you have also to make sure that the child is yours, as far as possible. As the others have said the timing is 'convenient', and you could be paying an awful lot of money to keep somebody else's child.
I wish you luck mate.
You've tried the nice guy approach and it hasn't worked. Now you have to make things official and as the other guys have said get yourself a brief. There's a lot at stake and it needs to be properly sorted out otherwise you won't know if you're coming or going for a good many years ahead.
As nasty as it may sound (and it's not meant that way) you have also to make sure that the child is yours, as far as possible. As the others have said the timing is 'convenient', and you could be paying an awful lot of money to keep somebody else's child.
I wish you luck mate.
14 November 2008, 09:16 AM
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Don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered Jeremy Kyle ?
You can get a free DNA test to prove your the father for starters. As you've made the effert, pay money, have a bank account for the kid etc etc Jezza will love you for it.
He'll make your ex so guilty she gives you proper access.
It won't cost you a penny, will make YOU look good and her like a sour faced bitch!
It's a winner if you ask me!
Who cares what people think about that program, if it gets you results then its worth it!
You can get a free DNA test to prove your the father for starters. As you've made the effert, pay money, have a bank account for the kid etc etc Jezza will love you for it.
He'll make your ex so guilty she gives you proper access.
It won't cost you a penny, will make YOU look good and her like a sour faced bitch!
It's a winner if you ask me!
Who cares what people think about that program, if it gets you results then its worth it!
14 November 2008, 09:16 AM
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Cant really help with the rest, but I would suggest you get a paternity test asap just for your own peace of mind. If things were bad between you at the time she got pregnant, then there is always the chance someone else is the father, and in that case you should know.
14 November 2008, 10:04 AM
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The first thing you need to do is establish parental responsibility (click here for some more info on it). You can pick up a form from your local courts (or download one), but you will both need to sign it which might prove tricky if you and your ex are at loggerheads. A solicitor can help with this and with rights to access. It may involve having to go to the family court but the solicitors will try and get you both to agree without resorting to court. If I were you I'd try and keep the CSA out of it and make your own arrangements for maintenance payments as things could get messy and end up in more bitterness and resentment. Good luck.
14 November 2008, 10:51 AM
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As above, get a paternity done & make sure YOU get a copy of the results & dont take your ex's word for it. My spiteful ex contacted the inland revenue & now they are investigating the companies i owns accounts. There f**kin evil.
14 November 2008, 11:33 AM
#20
There are two sides to every story and not knowing you or her makes if difficult to jump on your side. For all we know you beat her and refused to help her when she asked... I'm not saying you did .. but I would really suggest a solicitor .. sadly I've known a lot of girls / women who are this spiteful and would technically neglect their child just to prove a point.. if you really believe you have done all you can .. fight it with everything you have mate .. if you know, deep down you've been a tit .. you know you're only fighting it to fight her and your not interested in the baby .. walk away!
I really wish you the best of luck with what ever you decided to do !
I really wish you the best of luck with what ever you decided to do !
14 November 2008, 11:34 AM
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If you're self employed you can string the CSA along for years!
Long enough for the ex wife to move abroad and then the CSA drop everything!
I was actually paying maintenance direct to the ex, and more than the CSA would have charged, but paying via the CSA my kid wouldn't have seen a penny of it.
Long enough for the ex wife to move abroad and then the CSA drop everything!
I was actually paying maintenance direct to the ex, and more than the CSA would have charged, but paying via the CSA my kid wouldn't have seen a penny of it.
14 November 2008, 11:34 AM
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Yeam im positive she's mine....before she got spiteful and my mum had a little hold of her she was adamant she was a spitting image of me and my sister when we were born, and she does look alot like me, im mixed race and she is definitely quarter cast (her mother is white). she does look alot like her mum but i can tell a few features of mine....plus she definitely has my dark hair, and brown eyes, lol. ah bless her i hate thinkin bout it and not bein able 2 see her.
So u all reckon a dna test then? Id never go on Jeremy Kyle....a family up my street once went on trisha, that was hilarious in my eyes and never let my friend forget it, lol. I suppose if i did go on there id do a shoutout to all on scoobynet
lol.
Ok so ill go about getting a brief then and let them do what they do best in this situation. With the timing, it does add up cuz we were ok around the time she was conceived, as she was born on 17th july this year and we were on holiday at the time if i work it out correctly, lol. but I split up with her when she was quite far gone before any of us knew though....we'd been on and off for 3 n a half years, and always got back together, but i just didnt this time cuz i couldnt do it anymore.... god what a mess, lol.
How much do solicitors cost in these cases then? Not sure if Im entitled to legal aid as im in full time education at college but the money wouldnt bother me as long as they sort it so i can see her, im supposed to be going to university next year for 3-5 years and had already planned to just go to coventry or birmingham university because then i can just drive there or train it everyday from northampton, rather than go to where I originally wanted to go in places like leeds, nottingham, etc. As im thinking if i went to any far away places she'll hold it against me for going far away and play the "u left ur daughter behind" card.
thanks for the advice so far guys, honestly
So u all reckon a dna test then? Id never go on Jeremy Kyle....a family up my street once went on trisha, that was hilarious in my eyes and never let my friend forget it, lol. I suppose if i did go on there id do a shoutout to all on scoobynet
lol.Ok so ill go about getting a brief then and let them do what they do best in this situation. With the timing, it does add up cuz we were ok around the time she was conceived, as she was born on 17th july this year and we were on holiday at the time if i work it out correctly, lol. but I split up with her when she was quite far gone before any of us knew though....we'd been on and off for 3 n a half years, and always got back together, but i just didnt this time cuz i couldnt do it anymore.... god what a mess, lol.
How much do solicitors cost in these cases then? Not sure if Im entitled to legal aid as im in full time education at college but the money wouldnt bother me as long as they sort it so i can see her, im supposed to be going to university next year for 3-5 years and had already planned to just go to coventry or birmingham university because then i can just drive there or train it everyday from northampton, rather than go to where I originally wanted to go in places like leeds, nottingham, etc. As im thinking if i went to any far away places she'll hold it against me for going far away and play the "u left ur daughter behind" card.
thanks for the advice so far guys, honestly
14 November 2008, 11:38 AM
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There are two sides to every story and not knowing you or her makes if difficult to jump on your side. For all we know you beat her and refused to help her when she asked... I'm not saying you did .. but I would really suggest a solicitor .. sadly I've known a lot of girls / women who are this spiteful and would technically neglect their child just to prove a point.. if you really believe you have done all you can .. fight it with everything you have mate .. if you know, deep down you've been a tit .. you know you're only fighting it to fight her and your not interested in the baby .. walk away!
I really wish you the best of luck with what ever you decided to do !
I really wish you the best of luck with what ever you decided to do !
Lol no iv never hit a girl in my life I despise men who do...
14 November 2008, 04:44 PM
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The CSA haven't been disbanded, if you dispute paternity then you will get a paternity test done through them, beware, they will charge you about £600 if the test proves that you are the father.
Make sure you keep records of any monies given to your ex, preferably with either a signed receipt or a bank statement showing the monies going to her.
PM me if you need more advice regarding the CSA/CMEC
Make sure you keep records of any monies given to your ex, preferably with either a signed receipt or a bank statement showing the monies going to her.
PM me if you need more advice regarding the CSA/CMEC
14 November 2008, 05:57 PM
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when we went shoppin where i bought shedloads of clothes, milk food and nappies...i left the receipts in the bags which she took with her 
doh, lol. knew i should of kept them. I have proof in the form of the bank statement where money since all this happend has bin put in so thats not too bad. but then again she cant prove that i havent been paying? well, i assume thats what the girl has told them
doh, lol. knew i should of kept them. I have proof in the form of the bank statement where money since all this happend has bin put in so thats not too bad. but then again she cant prove that i havent been paying? well, i assume thats what the girl has told them
14 November 2008, 06:17 PM
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Dont want to put a damper on your wanting to see your kid but,when the mum gets it in her head to stop you, you have a problem.you can go in all the right legal avenues but the reality of getting her to obey the orders can be something else,Try to get her on your side if you invoke the law she will see the situation purely confrontationally and it becomes a fight, many a poor dad have right on their side but , they still dont get to see their kids, What can the courts realistically do to force her to enable access. ( been there )
14 November 2008, 06:53 PM
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first things first m8 not meaning to sound harsh but are you sure you are the father? as ive have had this sort of **** for ten yrs now with my ex the csa can do a blood test to confirm you are the dad next you need to see a solicitor and let them help you with the paperwork as if you are the father you will have automatic parental rights i think check that out on a website just type in parental rights then if you do have them you can haul her in court for access courts are for the fathers having visitation now a days especially if you are paying for the up keeping of the child.
By the sounds of it she isn't thinking about the child just how much she can hurt you which ever way she can
there is plenty on net m8 to research
need any help my wife is good at this subject just let me know
By the sounds of it she isn't thinking about the child just how much she can hurt you which ever way she can
there is plenty on net m8 to research
need any help my wife is good at this subject just let me know
Last edited by cossie-nutter; 14 November 2008 at 06:59 PM.
14 November 2008, 07:02 PM
#28
Dont want to put a damper on your wanting to see your kid but,when the mum gets it in her head to stop you, you have a problem.you can go in all the right legal avenues but the reality of getting her to obey the orders can be something else,Try to get her on your side if you invoke the law she will see the situation purely confrontationally and it becomes a fight, many a poor dad have right on their side but , they still dont get to see their kids, What can the courts realistically do to force her to enable access. ( been there )
If you take things further legally and you dont qualify for legal aid and she does, it could cost you a small fortune. If she doesnt qualify for legal aid and has to pay for everything, theres more chance you'll get a result quickly.
