RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

Just been out with a mate who told me something about his wife (not me honestly, my mate !)

He said that he had found out that she has been having dirty / sexy instant message conversations with a chap via MSN, sometimes quite explicit.
So he found out, confronted her and she admitted it, said it wouldn't happen again etc. Said she has never had an affair or "done anything" with this chap - he is a friend of a friend who she has just got chatting to - which he believes.
Then he said that he is certain she is still doing it - not 100%, cant be - but pretty sure.

He asked me what would I do if it was me and she was still doing it.

I guess it begs the question - is it OK? Would it lead to other things? (meeting up) should he give her a "stop it or we are over" ultimatum.

I said he needed to be 100% sure she was still doing it first and that something probably wasn't right with them if she feels the need to do that, but on the other hand I guess its probably quite easy to do this on IM and perhaps harmless ?

Interested in comments.

bioforger

iTrader: (1)

Take her PC away for starters

ash002004

iTrader: (1)

too right, or get a mate to sign in on msn as a random chick and send flirty dirty messages to each other and make sure she catches you, then tell her its not a nice feeling to find.....

I think its wrong anyway your wife shouldnt be doing that to you, instant messaging or not, you wouldnt allow it in person, so no go im afraid imho!!

abbott

take her to a swingers party !

then at least he can get some action too.......

Lee247

Absolute poo. I have had some cracking conversations with a member on here. I love him to bits

Doesn't make me love my Husband any less.

It's just talk and friendship. Don't take it out of context

ScoobyWon't

I've always thought I just type rubbish online, but you've managed to see more in it than I thought was evident. I'm sure whoever you talk to probably knows how much you read betwen the lines too.

However, back on subject, I'm crap at flirting online (and in person too ) so I wouldn't like to say what is going on. I've got some friends who I talk to online that I wouldn't dream of doing anything with, I talk to them as they are amusing rather than me thinking I'll get laid. Then again, I probably wouldn't notice if they were interested in me anyway.

I'm surprised that there has not been a request or offers from SN members to chat to her to see if they can catch her out.

Gordo

sounds like he's not giving her enough to me - time to step up to the plate!

Turbohot

It's possible that the lady in question is only flirting on line. But she is married, so it is inappropriate in her husband's opinion, I can understand. Taking the PC off her won't solve the problem. Your mate needs to look into the reasons why she has got sexually involved with someone else, virtually or really- in whatever way. Most of the time, people are lacking something in their relationships, and that's why, they try to find that "something" elsewhere. It could be sheer boredom, or too much familiarity with the partner for some; to divert them to other charms- for a change. Strange, but true. It happens. Internet is a very immediate source to kill the boredom and lack of company. Not necessarily they are gonna do it, "do it"! One of them might chicken out, who knows! LOL on serious note, If I were in your friend's shoes, I would have gone bizerk , and his lappy would have been circling around somewhere in the orbit by now

But, for the sake of your friend's happiness, I presume that him talking to his wife, to see what's going on for her, why she is finding a need to flirt to that degree with someone else (even if it's just on line) may help. And, take it from there
I can't see any point taking the laptop off her, or even getting rid of the internet etc. If she is madly involved with this cyber guy, she will somehow find a way to get in touch with him, anyway. If she is only playing, her husband's talk and understanding may make her realise a few things, and she may decide to call this flirting a day. Hope all goes well for your mate and his wife

TopBanana

She needs cutting loose. Isn't it obvious? If your mate is a saddo with no self respect, I suppose it gets complicated.

r32

A relationship is all about trust, sadly you (or a mate) cant trust your (their wife) so its over ................

RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

If it was me I wouldn't be as forgiving as he seems to be. I would react badly, do something (that I later probablt regret!) and the **** would really hit the fan. He seems a lot more laid back about it all !

Nice comments turbohot - cheers.

lozgti

Causes a few problems this internet .

Is everyone getting extra nookie but me btw? Must get a computer for home and see what its all about

EddScott

I was shown text messages that my GF had sent to another lad. Some girls had got his phone and shown me the texts. Now none of them were dirty but still inappropriate and it turned out that they had had a kiss or two. When things got ugly he said he'd "F*cked your mrs in your kitchen" which I knew was rubbish because the time he said didn't add up.

I told her to get out and see how far she gets with the loser. It also turned out that one of the girls was desperate for me and it was almost a set up to break my GF and I up.

I let her stew for a month and when she came crawling back I gave her another chance. She knows she only gets one "get out of jail" card.

billythekid

2 things.

1) Key logger.

2) You need to watch the bloke not the Mrs IMHO. Blokes dont go online and talk to some bird just for the fun of it. They do it as they hope there would be a sh@g at the end of it. He might turn up at the house and be a proper crazy ***** or could start to stalk etc.

Other than that I guess it depends what kind of cycle this is happening in, did it happen once, twice? Twenty times?

davegtt

2 things.

1) If you need a keylogger then its because you dont trust her, relationship over the second you install it.

2) His misses shouldnt be encouraging the bloke in the first place.

EddScott

True but when someone pays you attention and you've been in a relationship for a while, some find it hard to let that attention fall on deaf ears.

Not defending actions but thats the conclusion I came to when something similar happened to me.

davegtt

Not making judgements on anybody, Im just saying you cant blame some random guy for being interested. Its the one in the relationship thats pushing boundaries. Its up to him to decide where the boundary lies for his relationship.

dpb

Threesome ?

SCOsazOBY

Having a flirt is one thing but sending pictures of yourself, mobile number and arranging to meet up is another (this happened to me so i know how much it hurts when you find out)

Its all about knowing when not to cross the line... example: sniffing your girlfriends knickers is ok but when you find yourself wearing them youve gone too far

Devildog

L,

would you say those conversations you have had were "dirty/sexy and sometimes quite explicit"?

Hard to make sweeping generalisation about not taking out of context when you don't know the content or intent of the messages?

Turbohot

You are right there, Ed. Some people get more attached to their partners than others. They want to make things right again, then let them fall apart. One of the reasons why people forgive and forget, and take their partners back.

BTW, whoever has negged my post above please note that my post contains my views and my contribution this thread, where comments have been invited on an open forum. I have attempted no offence to anyone. So, please, if you have a problem with my comments, feel free to discuss it. No point negging the post without explaining what offended you. if you can tell me, and if it's reasonable, I shall make amends in my post accordingly

Thanks.

stilover

My last 2 relationship all started with flirty emails/texts.

The first one had a boyfriend at the time, but after a while of flirting via email, we met up, and it went into the bedroom.

The best way to get to a woman is flirting via email/text/MSN etc. You can start off chatting normally, inserting a few innuendos here and there, and the way she responds to that, you know if you have a chance or not.

Judging by the original post, I'd say that if his wife hasn't shagged this guy yet, she would have done if hadn't been caught. If her husband isn't whispering sweet nothings in her ear, but the guy on MSN is making her feel wanted, she'll meet the guy who she feels wanted by.

Only going off personal experience, as like I say my last 2 girlfriends were secured this way.

billythekid

But he has already caught her once, so IMHO, he needs to put a watch on her. IMHO.

EddScott

Well, least we now know whos been sending her the texts then

Thats poor form to chat and bed some other blokes misses - IMO anyway.

stilover

I thought the same, but as she was s*cking me off I thought to hell with it.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

You said you wouldnt say anything, anyway I thought you were a bloke back then

Lee247

I would say flirtatious. Nothing else and everyone likes to flirt, a little bit.

The person I am on about has become one of my best friends. My other half see no problem in this. He has lots of wimmin friends and he flirts too. We are confident with each other and have trust.

Having read the OP again, I must admit dirty/sexy does not sound good. On the other hand, why did he feel the need to look in the first place, or how did he find out and what made him suspect any of this.

I never hide my conversations, anyone walking in on me can see exactly what I am saying to people, as my kids frequently do

Lee247

shhhhh