Best man Problems
21 June 2008, 03:49 PM
#1
Best man Problems
Been engaged for going on two years now and originally asked my younger brother to be my best man, as we are quite close.
He seemed proud to be asked and made a point of telling people he was the best man..
Now the plans are in motion to actually have the wedding he is started to act a dick.. complaining about having to do a speech and saying people hes spoke to say being a best man is too much work for no reward ..
Now correct me if I'm wrong but being asked to be the best man is a honor ... and being asked to be the best man at your older brothers wedding .. in my humble opinion is something special !
He now says hes thinking about ... thinking about it ??? WTF ?
I cant ask any of my friends now (who's noses are already out of joint for not being asked in the first place) as it would be like a 2nd choice !
What do I do ?
My brothers 23 BTW.
He seemed proud to be asked and made a point of telling people he was the best man..
Now the plans are in motion to actually have the wedding he is started to act a dick.. complaining about having to do a speech and saying people hes spoke to say being a best man is too much work for no reward ..
Now correct me if I'm wrong but being asked to be the best man is a honor ... and being asked to be the best man at your older brothers wedding .. in my humble opinion is something special !
He now says hes thinking about ... thinking about it ??? WTF ?
I cant ask any of my friends now (who's noses are already out of joint for not being asked in the first place) as it would be like a 2nd choice !
What do I do ?
My brothers 23 BTW.
21 June 2008, 04:08 PM
#3
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: There on the stair
Posts: 10,208
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Lisa, my fiance at the time (now my wife) asked her best mate to be her Chief Bridesmaid... they had a major falling out (still not spoken for 7 years now) and Lisa asked another very close friend who was honoured to be asked.
Personally I'm really glad as the original CB was a bit of a moose, the new CB was lovely and the new bridesmaid was bloody stunning!
So if your brother is being an ****, ask someone else and explain to your brother why. Be up front and honest with your mate, and make sure your other mates are the ushers...
Sod your brother - it's your day not his.
Personally I'm really glad as the original CB was a bit of a moose, the new CB was lovely and the new bridesmaid was bloody stunning!
So if your brother is being an ****, ask someone else and explain to your brother why. Be up front and honest with your mate, and make sure your other mates are the ushers...
Sod your brother - it's your day not his.
21 June 2008, 04:08 PM
#4
Scooby Regular
No offence. If that happened to me....in my eyes he's not really your brother is he then... Your the older one...he shouldnt really be saying anything back...but accepting your request. On the other hand my brother would be getting a back hand from me lol!
Haroon.
Haroon.
Trending Topics
21 June 2008, 06:35 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Weston Super Mare, Somerset.
Posts: 14,102
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'd cook up a plan with your g/f and with her knowledge tell your brother that you've cancelled the wedding because of his attitude and you hope that makes him feel better 
Let him stew for a couple of weeks. Get your g/f to lay on a few tears, really rub it in
In the meantime get a mate to agree to do it
dl
Let him stew for a couple of weeks. Get your g/f to lay on a few tears, really rub it in
In the meantime get a mate to agree to do it
dl
21 June 2008, 07:25 PM
#11
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Walking the fine line between genius and insanity
Posts: 2,394
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Seriously, its probably best that you have someone who wants to do it, rather than pressured into doing it (the Best Man role that is, not the Groom/Bride
).Gareth
21 June 2008, 07:29 PM
#12
SN Fairy Godmother
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Far Far Away
Posts: 35,246
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sounds to me like he is a bit scared. Have a quiet word with him first, before you go asking someone else. He may just need reassurance that giving his best is all you expect of him
21 June 2008, 07:37 PM
#13
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Barnsley
Posts: 1,615
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
fvckin asking ppl to be best man, chief bridesmaid etc, can be a mindfield.......think about it long and hard.
First off is to tell that no good disrespecful tw@t (that would be your brother) that he aint doin it no-more....its your day mate, if he can't even be arsed to sort it for you, then tell him to sod off. A best man should be someone who's grown up and you can trust 100%
Weddings are petty things, ppl do get upset when others get chosen over them, or families too, it can be one long ball ache...but remember! Its YOU and YOUR fiance's day....NO-ONE elses!
First off is to tell that no good disrespecful tw@t (that would be your brother) that he aint doin it no-more....its your day mate, if he can't even be arsed to sort it for you, then tell him to sod off. A best man should be someone who's grown up and you can trust 100%
Weddings are petty things, ppl do get upset when others get chosen over them, or families too, it can be one long ball ache...but remember! Its YOU and YOUR fiance's day....NO-ONE elses!
21 June 2008, 08:06 PM
#14
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 39
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Can I put a slightly different spin on this, at the risk of being slightly contentious?
I was asked to be best man for a good friend, ok so far?... Except his fiance was a nightmare. She was just so wrong for him it was untrue. We could all see it, she was weird, she was really off with all of us friends and she had some really funny ideas about money (she had none).
The thought of having to stand up at his wedding and raise a toast to the happy couple gave me sleepless nights, it really did. The words would stick in my throat.
As a mate should I have said something? He was besotted with her, it would probably have ended our friendship. I was seriously considering finding an excuse not to be best man though. To go through with that to my mind would have made me a hypocrite.
Thankfully she got caught out cheating on him in the end with about 3 months to go. He was devastated, I was relieved. There was some guilt issues there too, but I digress...
The moral of this story is this: does your brother have reservations for whatever reason? Please don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying the situation is the same but he might genuinely be worried about doing it for some reason. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be terrified of talking to you about it. Make it easy on him, ask him!
I was asked to be best man for a good friend, ok so far?... Except his fiance was a nightmare. She was just so wrong for him it was untrue. We could all see it, she was weird, she was really off with all of us friends and she had some really funny ideas about money (she had none).
The thought of having to stand up at his wedding and raise a toast to the happy couple gave me sleepless nights, it really did. The words would stick in my throat.
As a mate should I have said something? He was besotted with her, it would probably have ended our friendship. I was seriously considering finding an excuse not to be best man though. To go through with that to my mind would have made me a hypocrite.
Thankfully she got caught out cheating on him in the end with about 3 months to go. He was devastated, I was relieved. There was some guilt issues there too, but I digress...
The moral of this story is this: does your brother have reservations for whatever reason? Please don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying the situation is the same but he might genuinely be worried about doing it for some reason. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be terrified of talking to you about it. Make it easy on him, ask him!
21 June 2008, 08:24 PM
#15
Can I put a slightly different spin on this, at the risk of being slightly contentious?
I was asked to be best man for a good friend, ok so far?... Except his fiance was a nightmare. She was just so wrong for him it was untrue. We could all see it, she was weird, she was really off with all of us friends and she had some really funny ideas about money (she had none).
The thought of having to stand up at his wedding and raise a toast to the happy couple gave me sleepless nights, it really did. The words would stick in my throat.
As a mate should I have said something? He was besotted with her, it would probably have ended our friendship. I was seriously considering finding an excuse not to be best man though. To go through with that to my mind would have made me a hypocrite.
Thankfully she got caught out cheating on him in the end with about 3 months to go. He was devastated, I was relieved. There was some guilt issues there too, but I digress...
The moral of this story is this: does your brother have reservations for whatever reason? Please don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying the situation is the same but he might genuinely be worried about doing it for some reason. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be terrified of talking to you about it. Make it easy on him, ask him!
I was asked to be best man for a good friend, ok so far?... Except his fiance was a nightmare. She was just so wrong for him it was untrue. We could all see it, she was weird, she was really off with all of us friends and she had some really funny ideas about money (she had none).
The thought of having to stand up at his wedding and raise a toast to the happy couple gave me sleepless nights, it really did. The words would stick in my throat.
As a mate should I have said something? He was besotted with her, it would probably have ended our friendship. I was seriously considering finding an excuse not to be best man though. To go through with that to my mind would have made me a hypocrite.
Thankfully she got caught out cheating on him in the end with about 3 months to go. He was devastated, I was relieved. There was some guilt issues there too, but I digress...
The moral of this story is this: does your brother have reservations for whatever reason? Please don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying the situation is the same but he might genuinely be worried about doing it for some reason. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be terrified of talking to you about it. Make it easy on him, ask him!
Hes the sort of person who would tell me she was cheating or if he didnt like her .. because in all honestly hes a selfish, heartless *****..
However there has always been a level of respect towards me that he doesn't show anyone else .. I think that's what made us close.
21 June 2008, 08:30 PM
#16
Scooby Regular
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Pot Belly HQ
Posts: 16,694
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Isn't that the point? 
Whoever you choose in the end, make sure they know the duties bonuses they get, it's their duty to bone the bridesmaids, make an **** of you, give you a top stag night and then lose the ring
Whoever you choose in the end, make sure they know the duties bonuses they get, it's their duty to bone the bridesmaids, make an **** of you, give you a top stag night and then lose the ring
21 June 2008, 10:23 PM
#19
Twatful
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Grew up and don't drive Scoobs anymore!
Posts: 9,050
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Last couple of mates wedding and they've had 2 best men.
Shared responsiblity and its worked.
Also got me out of doing the speech at one wedding but did everything else so was balanced well.
Shared responsiblity and its worked.
Also got me out of doing the speech at one wedding but did everything else so was balanced well.
22 June 2008, 11:41 AM
#20
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Tellins, Home of Super Leagues finest, and where a "split" is not all it seems.
Posts: 5,504
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I get married in August and I have 2 best men - my younger brother and my best mate...
If he was acting a dick, I would take him out for a pint and have a "man to man chat" with him, asking him to explain his behaviour etc...
While being a best man is an honour, it is also a stressful thing for some people (not as stressful as being the groom, mind)... But the thought of organising someone else stag do, looking after the rings, the speech, the obligatory sh@g with the bridesmaid(s) etc can be stressful, especially if the bridesmaids are hounds...
If he was acting a dick, I would take him out for a pint and have a "man to man chat" with him, asking him to explain his behaviour etc...
While being a best man is an honour, it is also a stressful thing for some people (not as stressful as being the groom, mind)... But the thought of organising someone else stag do, looking after the rings, the speech, the obligatory sh@g with the bridesmaid(s) etc can be stressful, especially if the bridesmaids are hounds...
22 June 2008, 11:43 AM
#21
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 39,877
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Les
22 June 2008, 10:59 PM
#23
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Bradford
Posts: 13,720
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I've had a similar experience with my brother who, tbh, has shown very little interest in the wedding since I asked him to be best man. He seems content on getting by doing the bare minimum which IMHO isn't really entering into the spirit of things. The best mans roll is actually quite intensive and not just on the day but also in the lead up.
23 June 2008, 08:47 AM
#24
Scooby Regular
**** it.....
I found a best man when I got there.....New Zealand (obviously didn't expect my 'would be' best man to fly round the world for just a wedding)
Had only met the guy once previously and it worked a treat (no chance of any skeletons in the closet etc) speech was hilarious too "well I've known Simon since .........last Tuesday"
Cheers Mat
Kenny, your brother may be dreading your big day, speech etc, demands upon him, what if? etc, best to give him the benefit of the doubt and not to be too suprised if he's burying his head a wee bit, he'll wish you well, but secretly be hoping it will all just go away (perhaps)
PS Gutted me and Heather won't be there but we are going to be in Stockholm at the time (another wedding !!!)
I found a best man when I got there.....New Zealand (obviously didn't expect my 'would be' best man to fly round the world for just a wedding)
Had only met the guy once previously and it worked a treat (no chance of any skeletons in the closet etc) speech was hilarious too "well I've known Simon since .........last Tuesday"
Cheers Mat
I've had a similar experience with my brother who, tbh, has shown very little interest in the wedding since I asked him to be best man. He seems content on getting by doing the bare minimum which IMHO isn't really entering into the spirit of things. The best mans roll is actually quite intensive and not just on the day but also in the lead up.
PS Gutted me and Heather won't be there but we are going to be in Stockholm at the time (another wedding !!!)
23 June 2008, 03:17 PM
#29
Scooby Regular
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Pot Belly HQ
Posts: 16,694
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Just send him to some of those site's where you can read other people's speaches so he can get a few ideas. Or he can watch some on youtube. Obviously he just needs to fit your/his experiences to the occasion but it's a good place for him to see what is acceptable etc
23 June 2008, 03:23 PM
#30
Moderator
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Terry Crews of moderation. P P P P P P POWER!!
Posts: 18,687
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'd advocate this approach first!
He's probably getting cold feet and feels that admitting it would make him look weak......not that being a dick is doing much for your perception of him! If that doesn't work, go with the Donkey punch, my friend, preferably whilst shouting "I'll tell you what I'm telling my wife after the ceremony: you're mine to do with as I please now, bi*ch!"
Ns "will probably never get married now" 04