ANYONE GOT ANY JOKES FOR A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?
ANYONE GOT ANY JOKES FOR A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?
14 March 2008, 02:51 PM
#3
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a friday afternoon in the office need a good few jokes going around - had this one so far today...
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to
a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"
SCROLL DOWN ............................
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to
a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"
SCROLL DOWN ............................
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."
14 March 2008, 03:06 PM
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Wife says to hubby, "I had a wet dream about you last nite!"
He says "Really?!"
"Yes", she replies, "You got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing!"
He says "Really?!"
"Yes", she replies, "You got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing!"
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14 March 2008, 03:16 PM
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IT experts recommend you occasionally clean your screen from the inside, enclosed is the
link with the necessary tools
(Not work safe)
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
link with the necessary tools
(Not work safe)
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
14 March 2008, 03:18 PM
#10
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Bit of both, this is a rape.
-------------------------
What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?
Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
---------------------------------------------------
What do spinach and **** sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Victoria Beckham has announced she had an affair with Michael Jackson.
Jacko has denied the allegations as he claims he was in Brooklyn at the time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Following the controversy over Mohammed the bear, Sooty has decided to cancel his tour of Africa
-----------------------
A Muslim woman knocked on my front door last night - I spoke to her through the letterbox............ See how she ****ing likes it!
--------------------------------------------------
Bit of both, this is a rape.
-------------------------
What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?
Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
---------------------------------------------------
What do spinach and **** sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Victoria Beckham has announced she had an affair with Michael Jackson.
Jacko has denied the allegations as he claims he was in Brooklyn at the time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Following the controversy over Mohammed the bear, Sooty has decided to cancel his tour of Africa
-----------------------
A Muslim woman knocked on my front door last night - I spoke to her through the letterbox............ See how she ****ing likes it!
--------------------------------------------------
14 March 2008, 03:33 PM
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What do you call a woman who is paralysed from the waist down?
Married.
---------------------
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job still sucks.
Married.
---------------------
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job still sucks.
Last edited by m111usy; 14 March 2008 at 03:39 PM.
14 March 2008, 03:49 PM
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around
in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping
his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel'?
He replied:
'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around
in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping
his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel'?
He replied:
'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'
14 March 2008, 03:56 PM
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Girlfriend says “If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch, what would you prefer?” boyfriend replies “Eating between meals!!”
The welsh mining industry Looks set for a come back, apparently they’ve found some copper in Snowdonia!!!
…………News Flash, Chief Inspector Michael Todd has today been found dead at the bottom of a cliff in Snowdonia. Proof that pigs cannot fly!
The welsh mining industry Looks set for a come back, apparently they’ve found some copper in Snowdonia!!!
…………News Flash, Chief Inspector Michael Todd has today been found dead at the bottom of a cliff in Snowdonia. Proof that pigs cannot fly!
14 March 2008, 04:13 PM
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14 March 2008, 04:25 PM
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Oldie.. but 
A teacher writes the word CONTAGIOUS on the board and says, "a gold star for anyone who can come up with a sentence containing today's word.
Little Sally put her hand up. "I had measles last year and i couldn't come to school because measles are contagious".
Gold star.
Little Freddie put his hand up. "Daddy went to work in India last year and he had an injection because India has contagious diseases".
Well done. Gold star
Little Johnny put his hand up. "My next door neighbour is painting his house and he is using a 2 inch paintbrush. My Daddy said it will take the c*nt ages".
****
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a £1,000 if you let me screw you.... "
But the girl said "NO".
Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says "ask him for £2,000, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "what happened......?"
She said, "THE B*STARD USED COINS!!!"
A teacher writes the word CONTAGIOUS on the board and says, "a gold star for anyone who can come up with a sentence containing today's word.
Little Sally put her hand up. "I had measles last year and i couldn't come to school because measles are contagious".
Gold star.
Little Freddie put his hand up. "Daddy went to work in India last year and he had an injection because India has contagious diseases".
Well done. Gold star
Little Johnny put his hand up. "My next door neighbour is painting his house and he is using a 2 inch paintbrush. My Daddy said it will take the c*nt ages".
****
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a £1,000 if you let me screw you.... "
But the girl said "NO".
Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says "ask him for £2,000, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "what happened......?"
She said, "THE B*STARD USED COINS!!!"
14 March 2008, 04:51 PM
#20
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
14 March 2008, 07:19 PM
#27
If you were to drop a Pakistani and a Jamaican from a tall roof at the same time which one would hit the ground first? The Jamaican as the Paki is a shade lighter.
Actually not strictly true as Newton proved that ojects fall at the same rate regardless of weight.
Actually not strictly true as Newton proved that ojects fall at the same rate regardless of weight.
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