bob r

iTrader: (46)

Any one any experience of mariage/couples counseling.

What does it consists of exactly?
Do they tell you where you are going wrong or do they just sit and listen and break up the fighting?

mart360

Depends,

when i went many years ago, it was a way that both parties could sound off, with a "neutral" third party to listen and "guide"


one of the first things the "councillor" said was, that if the process showed that the way forward was to go our separate ways, then we should look at that openly,

they are not there to fix the unfixable, they are guides to explore the relationship and suggest possible options based on what you tell them.

whilst it helped short term, it didnt stop the eventual divorce


Mart

Will

I wouldnt bother my self, as i see a counselor as simply a referee thinking they know best. The best way is to sort it out your selfs.

NotoriousREV

A counsellor will only try and help you by guiding you through the process of getting to the root cause of your problems. They don't listen to you whinge and then tell you how to fix your marriage.

Here's my (highly unprofessional) advice:

Get your other half to explain to you her view of the problem. Listen without judging and take note of all her issues (whether you agree with them or not) and try to understand them from her point of view. Once you feel you understand her viewpoint as well as or better than she does, tell her what you're going to do to resolve her issues (again, it doesn't matter if you agree with her or not). Follow through on your actions. On top of this, compliment her often (and sincerely) and don't complain about the things that annoy you.

If you follow this advice, life will be more harmonious for you and you'll find that your issues get addressed automatically. If not, dump the bitch and **** her sister.

Puff The Magic Wagon!

iTrader: (2)

More seriously

It takes the emotive out of a situation where both parties may be blind to the real issues, then takes them and shows the couple an observer's view of their relationship and allows an insight into where things may or may not go. Suggestions are made as to how, as a relationship, things may be done on both sides to improve things until an equilibrium is reached - whether that is achievable and a good thing or a bad thing is up to the couple to decide for themselves. Then after that, it is up to the couple to work at or not as the case may be, then look at the result and decide whether it works for them.

The Trooper 1815

iTrader: (31)

Currently with Relate. Agree with mart above.

Not pretty, feel completely knackered after an hour, but been worth every penny so far. Sometimes an outside influence is a great help. Unlike a close friend they bear no grudges or have a side to defend.

Went here after the Family Mediation sessions and realising it's worth fighting for.

PM if you need some more info.

SiPie

Slightly different opinion I'm afraid re relationship counselling

If you aren't strong enough as a couple to sort your own issues out, then call it a day and move on.

The cycle will just repeat itself

Only my opinion and good luck to you, at least you are giving it a fighting chance

bob r

iTrader: (46)

Jesus...what a shallow opinion you have. Are you married ?

bob r

iTrader: (46)

Thanks for the advice and a session is booked.
We are certainly not at breaking point (I think) but we are constantly at loggerheads.

Our issues are based on, one being quick tempered with a sharp insulting tongue, and the other, moody as a result of the insults. No prizes for guessing who is who.