j4ckos mate

i went to bed last night at around mdnight
my daughter was flat out, i went into my sons room,
he said " im just on my bike on the back dad"
i said "what" and he repeated it shovved his hands down his pants.,


i told him to leave that alone

he said "its private" turned round and trumped in my face and went back to sleep.



the joys of children,


what other funny things have yours done recently?

davegtt

Going off some of yours and J4CKO's stories Id say you two are having a big influence on him

Scooby Snacks 23

Whilst watching tv with us, my son (who's 3 later this month) keeps saying "I like her boobies daddy" whenever Adele Silva comes on Emmerdale.

After our intial giggles, I now say "so do I son" and then he giggles!

fast bloke

Was watching 'come dine with me' (yeah I know) the other evening and the man welcoming guests to his house kissed the three women and other man on the cheek. My youngest one (aged 6) pipes up..... "ohhhhhh look - gay kissing on daytime TV" - After I stopped laughing I asked her what she meant.
her - "If you kiss your own kind and it isn't your family that means you are gay"
me - "What does gay mean"
her - rolls eyes "Daaaddd" rolls eyes more "It means you kiss your own kind"

j4ckos mate

sam went back to school on tuesday ans ask me if i went up a year at work!

bonerp

whenever a DFS ad comes on, mine says (in a sales type voice), 'its another DFS sale' - shes 4!

Leslie

After the account of you and JCK4O in that lift, I would have expected nothing different!

Les

jjones

3 year old waving a stick about, grandma says to him "if i were you i would stop doing that in case someone gets hurt"
he says "i'm not you grandma, i'm me, so i don't have to stop"

getting toddlers to say abracadabra is always fun.

+Doc+

Playing on the park, my little one came out of a metal tube we said "where did Keira come from" she replied "from mummys tummy"
The joys of a 3 year old.

David Lock

I heard this little kid say to his Grandpa

"Grandpa - can you make a noise like a frog?"

"Well I expect so son - but why do you ask?"

"Cos' mummy says when you croak we can all go to Disney Land!"

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

My youngest once came running in from the garden, and asked me if he could borrow a hammer.

I asked what he wanted it for, and he replied, "I've just lifted up a brick, daddy, and there are some centimetres under it, so I'm going to kill them with the hammer."

He was 4.

Alcazar

Matteeboy

Makes my wife look rather large in the stomach department, nicks almost half her blood and oxygen, kicks around and is due in November!

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

LOL !

My little lad asked me what kind of computers I work on, is it Taplops ?

corradoboy

Has anyone else been watching 'Outnumbered' on BBC1 after the news at 10.30ish ? The little girl in the family is amazing, creases me every time she opens her mouth They should give her a show of her own

One of the best I ever heard was whilst queuing to by a present for someone in the M&S lingerie department the guy behind me's daughter, who looked about 4 asked 'Can I have some of those knickers ?' pointing at a mannequin bottom in a rather fetching thong. The father replied 'No, they're not little girls knickers !' to which she frowned, and then replied 'But Mummy's got some of those knickers and I want some !' I caught his eye with a wry smile and chuckled at his uncomfortable situation

windyboy

Apparently some kids ring up demolision companies and ask them to blow up their schools or apply for driving tests.

Windyboy.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

A present for someone.....

Or for yourself.

corradoboy

Very fetching, as in 'fetch my shotgun there's a nonce in the garden'.

turbomatt

iTrader: (1)

My seven month old son is making some strange noises lately, here's one i caught on my phone
YouTube - Pterodactyl baby

NotoriousREV

My almost-3 year old son stayed with his grandparents on Wednesday night. On Thursday morning, they were woken up by the police at 7:30am, apparently in response to a 999 call.

"We know the call was placed by a child" they said, "because we were talking to him. He asked if we were the nee-naw men"

The Dogs B******s

I've got twins which we're potty training at the moment,we've got curtains that go down to the floor(there a light colour),the other day my little lad sh*t on one

EddScott

My 6 year old daughter hid behind a door this morning and jumped out at me shouting boo. My wife was behind so I had no chance of denying I jumped a mile

It was really nice even though I looked a burk. She wasn't egged on by either of us, it was just her playing a joke.

simpsons !

Robert (7) came home from school on Tuesday and said a new boy was in his class, Could not remember his name but begins with N. Wednesday played in the play ground with new boy and Roberts best mate Ryan, Seems new boy has brown skin, Big discussion between Robert and his sister (9) how brown it is. Thursday all going well and all playing together but new boy has a strange name, As parents we suggested a few names after realising from the previous discussion between Robert and his sister that he was asian, NO not any of them, OK. Friday how's this week been Robert? Fantastic me and Ryan have been having great fun playing with NOODLE! Is that his name Robert? No but it's what me and Ryan call him when he's not around, his proper name is well complicated,

We nearly Died.

B-B

Driving along with my 5 year old little boy - his head whips round and he exclaims Mummy that lady has a lovely handbag!!

It was bright red and a large bag - I blame the Teletubbies and Tinky Winky!!

Ha ha ha

Diesel

I chuckle every morning when he asks me for 'Pushpaste' for his toothbrush!

My daughter offered to 'time out' my day yesterday. They learn quick!

D

David Lock

My daughter's 21 and still calls the thing she put her clothes away into (on those rare occasions ) the warbidobe

There must be other young words that have stayed in the family? Another is "Sheeps" and "Sorses" (horses) !! ?

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

my two boys come out with pearlers on a regular basis (7 &4)

Last one was the eldest one came into the kitchen after being annoyed by his youngest brother , made a big huff and sighing noise and then shouted

"really, is is just too much to ask for some peace and quiet around here!!! "

jasey

Pal at work was on the bus with his son.

Son whispers something but pal couldn't work out what he was saying.

Pal says to son "I've told you not to whisper"

Son replies very loudly and pointing "That man's got a big nose"

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Mine are getting older, 8, 10 and 11, got a pizza from Dominos last night, fookin ell, put it down and its gone, I reckon I should drive past in a Land Rover tossing slices off the back, I am genuinely worried what the shopping bill will be like in years to come.

Diesel

Tell me about it Jacko! Missus is off on a hen night so I'm mum for 3 days - they only wanted to eat the stuff from the supermarket there and then, fresh off the shelf. Bloody embarassing having screams and real tears 5 times in a row in the aisles! Mum doesnt allow it, so why they think I would!!! Still, shows initiative and basic pshycology I suposse [2 & 4 yr olds]. Rascals!

34srm

is your missus the entertainment , wot will she be eating ha ha ha ha ha



sorry