Men, toilet stalls and bogies.
16 August 2007, 08:24 PM
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Men, toilet stalls and bogies.
I work in a large office for an investment bank and in the toilet stalls, all over the building, the backs of the doors are regularly covered in boogers.
It's obviously sit on the pan, have a dig around, admire and then flick.
Funny when it's your own but disgusting when somebody else's
Is it just my place or does this happen elsewhere as well...?
Is this just a male thing or do women do it too...?
Territory marking or just schoolboy grossness...?
It's been discussed but would it be worth getting some targets printed...?
(Not as bad as a building I used to work where the painters had obviously gone in to paint, ignored the nasal artex and just painted over them!)
It's obviously sit on the pan, have a dig around, admire and then flick.
Funny when it's your own but disgusting when somebody else's
Is it just my place or does this happen elsewhere as well...?
Is this just a male thing or do women do it too...?
Territory marking or just schoolboy grossness...?
It's been discussed but would it be worth getting some targets printed...?
(Not as bad as a building I used to work where the painters had obviously gone in to paint, ignored the nasal artex and just painted over them!)
16 August 2007, 08:34 PM
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Maybe just a show of rebellion from the suits against the corporation..?
Sticking it to the man (literally)
16 August 2007, 09:59 PM
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Never seen the appeal of using public bogs for the old number two - I'd rather wait or drive home
Why the hell would you want to sit and 'do yer stuff' inches from another bloke, breathing in the subtle aroma of other peoples turds..?
And everytime I'm standing at the urinal there's always some poor git having an aneurysm whilst passing what sounds like a small dog...
...and I work in a nice office block too
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16 August 2007, 10:12 PM
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Not very long ago an email went out to all staff at our place from Personnel stating that there'd been several "incidents" in the ladies loo and they'd be installing a CCTV camera outside the entrance so they could catch the culprit.
Turns out some crazy bint was making snot pictures
I always use the executive suite to do my business. It's the door marked with the symbol of a guy sitting in a comfy chair with wheels.
Turns out some crazy bint was making snot pictures
I always use the executive suite to do my business. It's the door marked with the symbol of a guy sitting in a comfy chair with wheels.
17 August 2007, 07:02 AM
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17 August 2007, 08:08 AM
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I am a big fan of being paid to poo so frequent the "stalls" at my office and bogies are not too much of a problem here although they have been elsewhere.
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
17 August 2007, 08:35 AM
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some foreign driver used our toilets at work and wiped his ar$e with the actual bog roll. This was found out when someone nearly picked up said roll!
Tend not to turd at work, only feel comfortable doing that at home.
Tend not to turd at work, only feel comfortable doing that at home.
17 August 2007, 08:47 AM
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Has happened in most places I've worked - from lorry drivers to solicitors. Didn't exactly create a great impression when clients came to visit and needed the loo.....
Never had the same problems in the ladies loo. Although they did tend to be quite messy with paper towels everywhere.
Never had the same problems in the ladies loo. Although they did tend to be quite messy with paper towels everywhere.
17 August 2007, 09:23 AM
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I am a big fan of being paid to poo so frequent the "stalls" at my office and bogies are not too much of a problem here although they have been elsewhere.
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
Handy tool for you! POO PRICE - How much is your poo worth ?
17 August 2007, 09:25 AM
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17 August 2007, 10:05 AM
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I am a big fan of being paid to poo so frequent the "stalls" at my office and bogies are not too much of a problem here although they have been elsewhere.
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
If I poo for say 10mins a day in work - that's 50mins a week - but lets say an hour. 45 weeks a year = 45 hours so a weeks pay for pooing each year
40 years of work = 40weeks of poo pay = almost a years salary for pooing
All that said, I have never added to a bogey collection on any toilet wall ever
No one uses the disabled toilets here, clean booger free zone and spacious, just needs a TV installed!
17 August 2007, 10:45 AM
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At my old work we had to deal with the phantom spitter. This guy used to **** his load and then you could hear his spitting on every bit of bog roll before he'd wipe his ***! I used to sit in the next cubical and boak (and then usually fluff my next motoroll golf shot 
). If it was that bad he should have invested in wet wipes or something!
). If it was that bad he should have invested in wet wipes or something!
17 August 2007, 01:35 PM
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And don't get me started on the non-hand washers. 
There's a guy here who turns the tap on and off to make it look like he's washing his hands but never gets a drop of water on them 
There's a guy here who turns the tap on and off to make it look like he's washing his hands but never gets a drop of water on them
17 August 2007, 01:39 PM
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I always wash my hands after a dump but NEVER after a slash... I pee out of the end of it, not the sides and I am clean all over 
17 August 2007, 01:46 PM
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17 August 2007, 01:58 PM
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I work for a large bank and the amount of times iv sat in a stall and wondered if anyone else experiences similar things. Luckily the stalls are big individual ones with thick oak doors !!
The 'capacity' of the toilet seems to also pose a problem, with there only being room for a limited amount of paper per flush - thus causing frequent blockages
The 'capacity' of the toilet seems to also pose a problem, with there only being room for a limited amount of paper per flush - thus causing frequent blockages
17 August 2007, 04:46 PM
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Toliet humour is fantastic.
Whilst at a customers premises recently (small Office) a lady came out of the toilet screaming that there was something down the toilet.
Now only 2 guys work there and one of them (who is was meeting) went in to take a look, he came out in tears from laughing and told me to take a look.
This i did to be met with the biggest turd i have ever seen, sweet Jesus it was out of the water, all the women denied dropping it but as they where the only ones to use it fingers where being pointed.
The meeting went ahead and when the 2nd guy of the office arrived back they told him to do something about it, after he came back he came into the meeting to explain he had to ''Agitate'' it with a fooking big stick to shift it i coughed coffee all over my paperwork from laughing.
Whilst at a customers premises recently (small Office) a lady came out of the toilet screaming that there was something down the toilet.
Now only 2 guys work there and one of them (who is was meeting) went in to take a look, he came out in tears from laughing and told me to take a look.
This i did to be met with the biggest turd i have ever seen, sweet Jesus it was out of the water, all the women denied dropping it but as they where the only ones to use it fingers where being pointed.
The meeting went ahead and when the 2nd guy of the office arrived back they told him to do something about it, after he came back he came into the meeting to explain he had to ''Agitate'' it with a fooking big stick to shift it i coughed coffee all over my paperwork from laughing.
17 August 2007, 04:59 PM
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17 August 2007, 05:01 PM
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A Survival Guide for taking a dump at work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING.
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY.
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE.
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK.
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER.
A colleague who poos at work and is #### proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N).
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR .
Someone who does not realize that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaembarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELETTE.
A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.ire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON.
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING.
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY.
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE.
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK.
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER.
A colleague who poos at work and is #### proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N).
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR .
Someone who does not realize that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaembarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELETTE.
A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.ire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON.
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
17 August 2007, 05:23 PM
#30
Then there are those who leave pubes and flaky bits of their undercarriage, mandruff I call it.
Then theres those porrly individuals that make a noise like a bucket of Rice Pudding being emtied from four stories up, onto the back of the bog where they leave big clods of ****e.
We got sick of it at one place and interviewed people and mounted covert ops to find the dirty b4stard, turned out to be the podgy, religous oddball, we explained the concept of the toilet brush and that he should change his diet change his diet.
There was a young lad at our place, every morning he scuttled in there with a bottle of Oasis and the free paper, good bit was that he left the paper but also left his empty bottle.
I hate that where you meet someone who has either used the bog or wants to use the bog you just used, dont like a warm seat.
Then theres those porrly individuals that make a noise like a bucket of Rice Pudding being emtied from four stories up, onto the back of the bog where they leave big clods of ****e.
We got sick of it at one place and interviewed people and mounted covert ops to find the dirty b4stard, turned out to be the podgy, religous oddball, we explained the concept of the toilet brush and that he should change his diet change his diet.
There was a young lad at our place, every morning he scuttled in there with a bottle of Oasis and the free paper, good bit was that he left the paper but also left his empty bottle.
I hate that where you meet someone who has either used the bog or wants to use the bog you just used, dont like a warm seat.