coolangatta

A good friend of mine is asking me to 'lend' him money.
Reason for the request is that his mother needs around £700 to pay her rent.
I can afford to help but I can't see how she could afford to re-pay the 'loan' or how she will pay her rent in the foreseeable future.
She has become unemployed, is a widow and in ill-health. He has little or no money and is on low wage.
There is no social security system in Japan like that available in the UK and social stigma would almost certainly prevent her from asking for assistance.
I don't want to be an easy touch but feel sorry for her also. It must be horrible for her worrying about keeping a roof above her head.
I've known him for years and this is the first time he's asked for money.
I wouldn't like them to fall into the grasp of the 'loan sharks'.
So what to do? Do I get involved or appear to turn my back on a good friend.

DCI Gene Hunt

Quickest way to lose a friend = lend them money

Don't do it, you won't get your money back and you'll be paying the following month, the month after that... and on and on until you have no money left! and then she'll be evicted anyway......

A true friend wouldn't put you in the situation by asking.....

Bluie

Have to agree leading money to friends or family members is a PITA.

Best thing is either do not lend it or give it to them and say you do not want it back.

coolangatta

I fear you may well be correct, that's why I asked and have a problem with getting involved.
Doesn't make the situation any easier though.

coolangatta

So you think I should give it once, say I don't want it back and that's that. Might be easier I suppose.

Gutmann pug

and what will happen in 3 months time when she has no money to pay the rent again? What is going to change in her situation which means you aren't only prolonging the inevitable?

DCI Gene Hunt

Yep, but they'll see it as an invitation to 'ask again' but the next time they'll say they'll pay you back.......

Its not an easy situation, but don't do it...... tell them you don't have any spare cash..... as by giving them your hard earnt 700 notes only delays the inevitable rather than providing a solution....

But its your friend and your cash.......

^^^^ Gutmann pug

Flaps

iTrader: (1)

I could do with a few hundred if it's going spare. I'll promise to spend it on the Impreza, i'll even send you a few pictures!

coolangatta

Ah! But is your Mum about to be evicted from said Impreza?

The Chief

Lend him the money on the condition that it is one months rent only

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Having been through this the only basis you can give the money is on the expectation that you will not get it back. It will be a gift.

Only you can decide whether this is best gift you can give. Is there anything else you can do to help her get housed or help your friend and his mother find somewhere they could both live affordably.

It maybe that your time and support may be more valuable to them in the long run.

Rannoch

T4molie

I have to agree with what Bluie has said. From past experience, if you expect to have it paid back and they aren't forthcoming with it then your friendship will only go the way that it could possibly go if you decided to not help.

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

If you lend it then do so but don't expect it back. If you are happy with that then do it. If not you will lose the friend in the long run. Money is just a tool used to get us through life. Friends are far more important.

DeltaBravo 9

couldn't agree more with you sti wanna subaru , it's exactly what i woul have posted

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

I'm afraid when it comes to mates:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

If you lend money, expect not to get it back. Sounds harsh I know, but these things rarely work out well.

jaytc2003

iTrader: (1)

can your frined not help her?? it is their mum after all.
You are basically in a no win situation

Brendan Hughes

I agree with both of these. a) make it a gift, so you don't get upset when it doesn't come back, but b) rather than a months rent, maybe pay towards something else rather than just delaying the inevitable (no idea what, sorry)

scooby_me

iTrader: (1)

I have to agree, LENDING a mate money is a serious NO NO, if its something you feel you can do and are comfortable doing GIVE IT as a GIFT, but make sure that you are clear, tell your mate that this is a ONE TIME gift, that you value your freindship and dont want to strain it by asking HIM to pay back a load for his mother.

It realy does depend on how much of a mate he is.

the fact you have come to this forum and are asking for opinions is a small tell tail sign that you are not 100% sure in your own mind.

Sorry not a lot of help.

Daz

Luminous

iTrader: (3)

I suppose one option is to come up with a long term solution to help her. You will have to sit down with your friend and talk at length to see what is needed for a long term solution.

There is little point just spending money to prolong the inevitable. If you can come up with a long term solution, and that needs some of your money, then maybe you could consider that.

Steven82

If i could afford to i would definately help a mate out!

coolangatta

Thanks for all the valuable advice.
They say Scoobynet is occupied by heediots! It's not true I tell ya!
Those that suggest giving rather than loaning I think are correct. that's what I'll do.
Yes, he is a good friend and has been there to help me in the past (not financial help of course). I think he's just deperate to help his Mum and I don't blame him for that. He's suggesting selling his car, albeit not that valuable, to help out.
I've also had an idea. I have a couple of bachelor colleagues who have been discussing getting domestic help. They may be persuaded to pay a little more than the going rate if I explain the situation. They are both ex-pats who earn a bundle anyway. It's a start and of course would rely on her health being up to the job.
I also hate ironing etc., and don't have a good lady to help. Oops, that's not very PC is it!
What do you think?

Brendan Hughes

<Takes out onion, starts peeling...>

coolangatta

Don't cry for me urgent peeler.
I'll get my coat

David_Wallis

Dont do it, you'll never get it back.. trust me!

sbk1972

Mmmm every penny Ive leant my brother, he see's as a gift :-) By my calculations, Ive given him nearly £15K this year and thats including signing over my £8K twin turbo mkiv supra as a xmas present.


Bloody familes !!!

SBK

Brendan Hughes

Your brother sounds a lot smarter than you

unfeasablylargegonads

iTrader: (3)

Being a soft touch I have lent money to friends in the past with mixed results.

To me is comes down to how much of friend you class them as, this world is harsh enough so if I can help out the people I care about in anyway I try to.

sbk1972

I think your right ! :-)

I never lend money to non family. It never comes back easily, you tend to have to ask and ask and ask all the time for it back. Then you're made to feel guilty, and as if your the lucky one.

Never a lender, borrower be !

SBK

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

I wouldn't say "here's the money" i would hand it over as a loan and say you will be happy to get it back at £10 a month or something that he can afford. Just don't expect to get it back.

Also work out something for his mum. Could she live with him? move to a cheaper place etc etc?

5t.

rallying1

WARNING!!! I loaned my 'best mate' who I had known since we were 3 £2000.00 for a deposit on his house, I never got it back he is no longer my friend and I am £2000.00 out of pocket.

My Gramp had a good old saying that stands up even today

"Never a lender or a borrower be, and your life will always be stress free."