Its the first one of my mates who has had a parent die. She passed away peacefully in hospital with her husband by her side. I want to be there for my mate, but struggle to know what to say. im struggling..

any help please

 

Sometimes it easier just to say nothing (if you've not been in the same position, you can't tell how he's gonna be feeling) but tell him you will be there for him if he needs you.

 

Just give him a hug and say sorry mate, if you want to talk about it then you know where I am.

Not much else you can say. if anything you'll only have to do the listening as he'll want someone to talk too.

 

"Sorry to hear about your mum mate. If there is anything I can do, just let me know"

Shows your there for him.

 

Just make some time, when my dad passed away I just wanted to have a blast on the beer, but my sister just wanted to be alone. People react in different ways.

 

all you can do is realy as said above, say how sorry you are and if there's anything you can do to help your there for him.

don't be offended or think its personal if he gets a bit snappy or over reacts to things for a bit, he'll be having a rough time of it.

 

Some people try and avoid these situations because it is difficult, just see him as soon as possible and just say you are sorry to hear about hims mum and if he needs anything to just ask.

Not like my mate, when my grandma died (I was about 18), he said 'What are you going to get your grandad from christmas, a blow up grandma', anyone else I would have probably punched but I knew he was awkward and didnt know what to say so just blurted out the stuff that most people may think and chasten themselves for thinking it, but not say it, he always had a habit of just saying it.

 

Yep, as above really! Worst thing you can do is say nothing or avoid them cause you're uncomfortable. Grief is a very personal thing, you need to give the person control over it, but make it clear that you're there for them.

I'm reminded of a nice voice over from the US comedy series 'Scrubs' after Dr ***'s best mate died.

"But the most important thing to remember is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful this may be, with help from those around you, you'll get through this too"

Ns04

 

If it's nearly true you say "I always had a soft spot for your old mum, I'm sorry she is not here but I bet she's keeping an eye on you!" And don't forget to have a word with mate's dad as well.

 

There's nothing you can say TBH mate

A voicemail or text (I had loads when my Father died) did the trick for me

"Thinking of you all, you know where i am if you need me"

Sometimes words can say it all, where voice fails

 

Yeah, be careful not to make it sound like the Stifflers mom thing out of American pie.

 

Well I haven't a clue what that is but I don't think I was suggesting anything too yukey (can't spell smaltzy?).

And I personally think a personal face to face sorry is a million times more meaningful than a text but each to their own etc.

 

Cheers guys, i pritty much jus said im sorry, an if u wanna go for a drink or whatever, jus let me know. he changed the subject fairly quick actually. I also told him he would deal with it well, cuz he is a rock. and he'll be fine.

 

True, but other people dont see whats happening behind the brave face - He'll need someone to rely on

 

It really is not so difficult to tell him how much you sympathise with him over his tragic loss.

Les