Noah's Ark
21 August 2006, 02:32 PM
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Noah's Ark
>In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
>England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
>and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>
>
>Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>humans."
>
>
>He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the
>Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>
>
>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
>- but no Ark.
>
>
>"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>
>
>"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed
>Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade
>about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should
>have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden
>because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary
>structure.
>
>We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
>
>Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
>future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
>the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
>coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
>Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
>Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific
>Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince
>the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
>go!
>
>When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
>that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
>accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put
>so many animals in a confined space.
>
>Then the County Council, the Environment Agency ruled that I couldn't
>build the Ark until they'd conducted an Flood Risk Assessment on your proposed
>flood.
>
>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
>Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team .
>
>The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
>Only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
>
>To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming
>I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>
>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
>finish this Ark."
>
>
>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
>stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
>going to destroy the world?"
>
>
>"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
>England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
>and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>
>
>Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>humans."
>
>
>He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the
>Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>
>
>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
>- but no Ark.
>
>
>"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>
>
>"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed
>Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade
>about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should
>have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden
>because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary
>structure.
>
>We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
>
>Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
>future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
>the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
>coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
>Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
>Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific
>Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince
>the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
>go!
>
>When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
>that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
>accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put
>so many animals in a confined space.
>
>Then the County Council, the Environment Agency ruled that I couldn't
>build the Ark until they'd conducted an Flood Risk Assessment on your proposed
>flood.
>
>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
>Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team .
>
>The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
>Only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
>
>To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming
>I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>
>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
>finish this Ark."
>
>
>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
>stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
>going to destroy the world?"
>
>
>"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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