Business speak
30 June 2006, 12:38 PM
#1
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Business speak
My gaffer got a voicemail message this morning, and the caller had mentioned the phrase "the crocodiles are biting the back of the canoe". Both he and I found this hugely amusing, does anyone else have any funny business speak phrases?
30 June 2006, 01:18 PM
#4
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Blue Sky Thinking!! 
Fooookin idiots the ***** who speak like this ....... there are a few on here!!!!
They think they are so foookin clever, so I'll put the ball in your court ...... run your ruler over it and see if it ticks all the boxes and fills your toolbox!!!
Pete
Fooookin idiots the ***** who speak like this ....... there are a few on here!!!!
They think they are so foookin clever, so I'll put the ball in your court ...... run your ruler over it and see if it ticks all the boxes and fills your toolbox!!!
Pete
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30 June 2006, 01:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Glencora
raising a maroon - is a key one from our CEO
My old gaffer kept going on about 're-lighting the touch paper'. **** bandit.
30 June 2006, 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by DCI Gene Hunt
"A jokes a joke but a chair leg up ya ****... that's furniture!"
Seriously my old boss used to say that one....
Seriously my old boss used to say that one....
30 June 2006, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by lightning101
I bet you were glad to get out of mcdonalds
30 June 2006, 01:49 PM
#13
You boys should hear the ****e the salesmen in my place come out with.
I constantly take the **** out of them all day.
Here's some
Horses for courses
Throw him a curve ball
Get them in the long grass
Some products have 2, a lot have 3, but the really good ones have 4
Dot the T's & cross the I's (the one that came out with this is the biggest ******** you've ever met)
Lets reciprocate yeah, its a win win situation
Its all eyes you know, its a smart smart thing (again from the ********)
Lets quid pro quo yeah
I constantly take the **** out of them all day.
Here's some
Horses for courses
Throw him a curve ball
Get them in the long grass
Some products have 2, a lot have 3, but the really good ones have 4
Dot the T's & cross the I's (the one that came out with this is the biggest ******** you've ever met)
Lets reciprocate yeah, its a win win situation
Its all eyes you know, its a smart smart thing (again from the ********)
Lets quid pro quo yeah
30 June 2006, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by oobster
What does that translate as then?
My old gaffer kept going on about 're-lighting the touch paper'. **** bandit.
My old gaffer kept going on about 're-lighting the touch paper'. **** bandit.
30 June 2006, 02:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Drunken Bungle *****
We need to put lipstick on the pig
or "we need to polish this turd before we launch it"
30 June 2006, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by urban
You boys should hear the ****e the salesmen in my place come out with.
I constantly take the **** out of them all day.
Here's some
Horses for courses
Throw him a curve ball
Get them in the long grass
Some products have 2, a lot have 3, but the really good ones have 4
Dot the T's & cross the I's (the one that came out with this is the biggest ******** you've ever met)
Lets reciprocate yeah, its a win win situation
Its all eyes you know, its a smart smart thing (again from the ********)
Lets quid pro quo yeah
I constantly take the **** out of them all day.
Here's some
Horses for courses
Throw him a curve ball
Get them in the long grass
Some products have 2, a lot have 3, but the really good ones have 4
Dot the T's & cross the I's (the one that came out with this is the biggest ******** you've ever met)
Lets reciprocate yeah, its a win win situation
Its all eyes you know, its a smart smart thing (again from the ********)
Lets quid pro quo yeah
My current Design Manager comes from 30 years of sales and he uses all those 
30 June 2006, 02:52 PM
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Our ex-salesman was at a meeting and the customer wanted something for nothing - he came out with "ok then, let's use that as relationship currency".
He also called a meeting a "knowledge dump".
Wanka.
He also called a meeting a "knowledge dump".
Wanka.
30 June 2006, 02:55 PM
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The bog standard ones drive me nuts as well - they're waaaay over used!!
Let's think outside the box
What does good look like?
Let's unpack that idea
We should take this discussion off line
Smile when you dial
There's no I in team
Problem is I work in training and people think we all speak like that!
I work with managers who use those phrases and then they ask me why they can't motivate their teams.....
Let's think outside the box
What does good look like?
Let's unpack that idea
We should take this discussion off line
Smile when you dial
There's no I in team
Problem is I work in training and people think we all speak like that!
I work with managers who use those phrases and then they ask me why they can't motivate their teams.....
30 June 2006, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by oobster
Our ex-salesman was at a meeting and the customer wanted something for nothing - he came out with "ok then, let's use that as relationship currency".
He also called a meeting a "knowledge dump".
Wanka.
He also called a meeting a "knowledge dump".
Wanka.
30 June 2006, 02:58 PM
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One of our directors constaintly uses "you can't eat an elephant in one go" which basically means that he can't be arsed to see anything through in one go but has to break it into small pieces so he can understand what the **** all us intellligent people are talking about.
Not that i'm bitter or owt.
Not that i'm bitter or owt.
30 June 2006, 02:59 PM
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Another colleague has just told me about a wee joke they used to do.... they would write "**** words" on a sheet of A4 before going into a meeting, and if the gaffer said any of these words during the meeting the word would be ticked and that would mean he's officially a ****.
30 June 2006, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Drunken Bungle *****
There's no I in team
"That's true but there's you in c*nt"
30 June 2006, 03:03 PM
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30 June 2006, 03:47 PM
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I was Googling recently trying to find out what a CRM database is (Customer Relationship Management for those over 30 btw) when up came an article about the need for the Database to have pertinent information. Title of article?
"Relevancy - the new black" ! ! !
My own title would have been "Stating the bleedin' obvious"
*********, the lot of them........ dl
"Relevancy - the new black" ! ! !
My own title would have been "Stating the bleedin' obvious"
*********, the lot of them........ dl
30 June 2006, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by oobster
Another colleague has just told me about a wee joke they used to do.... they would write "**** words" on a sheet of A4 before going into a meeting, and if the gaffer said any of these words during the meeting the word would be ticked and that would mean he's officially a ****.
30 June 2006, 04:08 PM
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I do a lot of presentations and if you really want to liven up a bullsh1t meeting just do the following.
Go into the room prior to the meeting and about 4 pages into the flip chart draw/ write something vastly inappropriate - never fails to cause huge amounts of disruption!
Go into the room prior to the meeting and about 4 pages into the flip chart draw/ write something vastly inappropriate - never fails to cause huge amounts of disruption!