b022xx

Morning Guys,

Sorry for the long mopey post.....

I have been with my current g/f for nearly five yrs (18-23), we met at uni and lived together there for the first yr. Since then I've been an almost permanent fixture at her parents house having lived there for the last 4yrs.

Up until recently the plan was to move out as soon as we had got our deposit sorted and were settled in our jobs. Unfortunately things have taken a bit of a turn for the worst, I started to suffer from depression quite badly around the middle of last yr which proved to be quite a strain on all concerned. However the g/f proved to be invaluable during this time and really stuck by giving me a lot of support. As a result of this I then found out that she suffered from a very similiar temprement to myself and was struggling with her own demons

She started to see a therapist at the start of the yr and since then I have noticed a definite change in her attitude towards me. I unfortunately do not have a very stable family life and she has always been aware of this and provided a lot of support for both myself and my my mum.

She is now saying that she can't imagine how things will work as we get older with me having a very difficult family situation - having kids etc etc.

I am stuck in a position where I don't know what to do?? Do I fight for us despite some of the things she has said and the fact that her talking of a split shows a real lack of commitment to us. Could I put it down to her therapist putting ideas into her head or are we just not good for each other??

I'm absolutely terrified about the prospect of life without her as she is everything I've known for so long, but that in itself is no reason to want to be together...

I'd miss all of the things that we did together such as walks, hols, cinema, dinner etc etc. I don't really want to be single again as I'd rather spend my money on my hobbies and doing stuff together instead of p*ssing it up a wall every wkend.

I can't drink as i'm on tabs for my own depression (bet i'm depressing a few people on here with this sorry story)

I know that i can't base any decisions purely on what people say on here, but I just wanted to get opinions from people who aren't my family or friends.

thx all

davegtt

Its only been 5 years, less than 10% of the average life... Lots more to come I can assure you.

All them things will and can be good memories but can also be had with another person if need be. You cant force her to be with you if she decides her life is best of living seperately. thats her decision to make. Just go with the flow, let her know you still want her but the decision is up to her.

Karl 227

Good luck mate, don't just go out on the pop, attack the field with a positive outlook

watto52

have u thaught about just taking a trial seperation? give you and your g/f time to think about things and get ur heads cleared. your both still young, theres plenty of time ahead of you both.

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

She's seeing a therapist, are you? If so, what do they say about it? If not, why not? Best ask the experts, good luck

davyboy

Living with the GF parents would make me sad too!

4 years FFS!

HTH

Richard_P

Nobody really knows you or your situation so impossible to give good advice even if we were qualified to do so!

Sounds like you have a lot you need to sort out and her perhaps the same. Maybe 2 people together who both suffer from depression is not ideal?

As said previously 5 years is not a really long time and personally I'm 24 and would hate to be settled for life! Maybe you need to live a little first?

b022xx

I know I can't force her into staying together if being apart is what she wants. Its just such a shock to the system to see her attitudes about us change so much.

She's talked about having a bit of time apart, but i'm just thinking thats the start of things to come.

I know that its prob a case of me refusing to admit the truth but even the little things seem to get the better of me at the moment.

thx for taking the time to read this

Karl 227

Dave, are you saying that you truly despise Clares parents?

b022xx

I must admit it can get a bit much at times

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Felt the same way When i split up with my gf of 5 years, took a while to get over but there is life on the other side mate. Best advice is to keep busy, go to the gym or anywhere to get out of the house and not mope around. And stay off the alcohol it makes things 10 times worse trust me ive been there.


all the best kot

watto52

at the end of the day mate, if u do split dont go down hill, pick yourself up and keep thinking theres a whole new world out there. Beleive me its scary, but fun at the same time. Plenty more fish as they say

best of luck mate

b022xx

I will be trying to keep my mind off things by staying busy, only problem is when you have to stop.

watto52

youll get over it mate, beleive me. And learn from it too.

RichWalk

I found it bloody fantastic

sti-04!!

Has this place turned into the fcukin samaritians ???

Get a grip, grow up, **** her mother & then leave Problem solved

watto52

mad_dr

Also, you mention that you'd be worried about missing the things that you used to do together. That coupled with the fact that you're posting this on a car BBS makes me think that you might not have many friends who you can talk to?

Friends are incredibly important and if you have some, you need to begin talking to them about your concerns.

If you don't have many friends then you may want to consider taking up a hobby of some kind: the gym, martial arts or something similar that not only gains you confidence, but teaches you a skill, gets you fit, gains you friends and gives you exposure to the life outside your possibly-insular relationship with your girlfriend.

As soon as you realise that there is a whole world out there and that your girlfriend is a welcome - but by no means essential - addition to your life, you'll be able to see through the disappointment.

Depression isn't my speciality but there are plenty of people who can help you informally if you prefer not to seek professional help just yet.

Doc

Apparition

Speaking from experience, a lot of how you feel is to do with who you live with.
I did 20 years before plucking up the courage to leave. Yes I've had one downer since then but that was due purely to over work and exhaustion. In the intervening years, I've had time and space to step back and take a long hard look at my attitude to my reaction to life's events. I've changed a hell of a lot.
Sad as it may be initially, a break may be the salvation of you both. Also, you are only a mere whipper-snapper, all your life before you, you weren't depressed once, you will get out of that depression again and live life to the full.
All the best, look forward, not back.
Yve

Gav

Would it not help if both of you went to see a relationship expert together??

Gav..

b022xx

I do have friend's that I can talk to and hobbies outside of our relationship that allow me to mix with other people.

In theory I should be in a good position to become single, I start a new job in a couple of weeks. I have a half decent network of friends (however very few are single) I'm at the gym most days so am in decent shape. I do a lot of mtb'ing and running so i'm not just sitting and wallowing. Its jsut the thought of doing this and then having to go back to a house where she isn't there is a bit daunting.

b022xx

Thanks for the tips

b022xx

I may suggest that actually, not sure what reaction it will be met with though.

Thanks for the tip, going to have a look and see whats available

sti-04!!

No worries

OllyK

Sounds like she's become an emotional crutch and the fear of not having her around is stopping you from parting, and yet being together isn't really doing you too many favours.

Been there, not nice, we split in the end and it was like a weight being lifted, not looked back since. Chin up!

brihoppy

mostly good advice from everyone there...so many people have been through the same or similar and come out the other side...its hard, but you will get over it, and in year or 2 youll be wondering what you got so worked up about...believe me...!!!

noturbo

^^^^^Spot on^^^^^

b022xx

I can kinda agree with this and I convince myself this is the case and then I talk myself round and think it would be the worst thing that could happen??

I know many of you will probably be reading this and wondering what the big deal is, but I've never been very good at making big decisions.

wez_sti

cant think of anyone thats tried a trial speration successfully. chances are in the time your single one of you will **** someone else then the other wont be able to deal with the jelousy if you got back together.

scrappydoo

bo22xx
You have mail mate