andyzxr

Hi All

Anyone have any ideas what can be done with a 14 year old boy keeps bobbing school

We have allways done our best for him but obviousley thats not enough

Thanks

Andy

The Zohan

Not being funny - do you mean truanting?

Obvious questions
Is he being bullied or picked on?
Changes in behaviour/mood swings (yes i know he's a teenager) Drugs/in with a bad crowd?
Girl trouble???

OllyK

Removal of ALL privileges. Room stripped to bare basics. No TV / Play Station etc. Once he can show that he is not wagging school he starts to earn his privilege back.
If he shows no improvement in a week, start selling his posessions off on e-bay.

Ask the school if he can ask each teacher he has a lesson with each day to sign a registration card that he has to bring home to show you daily.

ajm

You need to get to the bottom of why he is not going. If it is a valid reason like bullying then you need to deal with it! If it is sheer laziness/falling in with the 'wrong crowd' then take him out and show him the local pond scum and explain that if he doesn't go to school he will end up a thick f*ck like them!

G4RUD

Does he have unlimited access to the internet at home?................







..............He's probably on Scoobynet all day!

davegtt

hi dad

andyzxr

davegtt - Hi son, get back to school... lol

G4RUD - lol..He did have but is pc is broke at the moment

ajm - I think he just doesnt like school and wants to hang around his mates house all day.

Ollyk - That does sound like a good idea but he has got this age now where he doesnt really play on the playstation or watch tv that much and the school he goes allways ring you at home if your child is not in.

Paul Habgood - No Worries-Yes i did meen truanting and he says its not bullying i think its cause he wants to be with his dead beat friends

We had a clue that he might have been smoking so i said if you can prove to me that you arnt smoking and goto school all the time and dont get into trouble then you can have a 2nd hand motocross bike for christmas

Then couple weeks later his mum catches him smoking

i just dont know what to do with him anymore,we have allways given him everything we can and allways been around him as a family

It isnt the fact that he is cheaky only sometimes he is,its the fact that i want him to finish school go college then decent job etc

We have known some parents who go out and leave their kids with anyone and not feed them much and get pi**ed up all the time and their kids really respect them

cheers for your replies

Andy

OllyK

Seems the "carrot" alone isn't working. What do you have available as a "stick"? Does he have a mobile? If so remove it from him. Does he have expensive jeans / trainers? Replace them with tesco value items. If the "only" thing he holds dear is smoking and being with his mates then it's off to Boot Camp with him

andyzxr

He does have a mobile but he says we wouldnt be able to get in touch with him then

He does like his named clothes so i suppose that would be a good idea to replace them

I think a boot camp would be perfect

Wheres the nearest one lol

Andy

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

Andy you have my total sympathy. I spent my last two years at school doing exactly what your son is doing. I had the best parents anyone could ever wish for, everything at home was great, I was not hassled or bullied at school either by teachers or my peers. The fact was school just did not captivate my attention. Right up to the day I left I failed to grasp the concept that my performance at school and resultant grades would help shape and determine my future path through life to a certain extent. Threats of suspension or exclusion were welcomed by me, as I viewed it as time off. Meanwhile my brother who is a year younger was a model student and barely missed a day at the same school under the same teachers in five years.

I quit school at 16 and went to a technical college, to study IT, despite the fact I was intent on being a rock musician for a living. During the first week a lecturer told some of us who were a bit disruptive "I dont give a damn if you come to my classes or not, I get paid regardless, if you want to learn I'll teach you if you dont f$%k off!".

The no-uniform, informal setting and take it or leave it approach worked better for me than the regimented high school regieme.

I dont have a solution for you i'm afraid - but I think you need to be aware the style / approach to learning in schools by its nature can not and will not be compatible with every child. Don't worry too much - myself and the loosers I ran about with have ultimately achieved more in life than our academic record at high school would have indicated. By eliminating the already mentioned factors and meeting with his teachers I hope you can work it out.

TT

Dracoro

So? would he always reply anyway? Remove the phone. They are a luxury.

Basically remove all the luxuries (all at once or one by one). No pocket money, no presents (incl birthday and xmas!), no eating out, no new clothes etc... Remove from his room TV, stereo, flash clothes, computer, mp3 players etc. and, as above, tell him they're going on ebay soon if he doesn't get his **** in gear.

Also, if he does get better then, after a while reward the behaviour, not too much, not too little etc.

little-ginge

You say all he wants to do is hang round his mates house all day...

what are his mates parents like? do they know that their kids is dodging school? Have you spoken to them to see if they know of any problems..???

I see 2 choices ( each with potentially huge drawbacks..)

1)Go round and drag him to school by the scruff of his neck ... but I suppose at least you know he is in someones house and not shoplifting etc so thats one consolation!!! He may resent this and find a new place to lounge about where you can't find him..

2) Inform the local coppers who, where, and when- in the local area and shopping centres we have coppers patrolling for kids playing truant and they take them into school.. it MAY shock him into sorting himself out.. but then again it may just make him angry towards you as a parent and may cause further problems..

Good luck with him though!

Milamber

iTrader: (2)

Oh I thought it was a new sport, like Apple bobbing!

Seriously, my beloved little girl is only 3 at the moment and an absolute angel but I am already dreading that stage of her life.

A neighbour of mine had the same problem with his, after being more patient than you could ever have imagined he finally snapped one day after he called his mother all the names under the sun (including the 'C' word) and belted him. The snivelling little gob****e called the police and now he has a criminal record! (Police Caution)

SiPie

I guarantee that he will be sitting stoned out of his nut, smoking dope at his mates house (mates parents presuambly out at work all day).

Follow him. Wait till he's inside for 20 mins. Knock on door. Challenge him.

Small improvement should follow.

Sadly it's what most youngsters who are not at school tend to do these days.

andyzxr

cheers for that mate its much appreciated

unclebuck

The answer may be in the question. Probably get a mouthful of abuse of suggesting this (isn't that what always happens these days?) but maybe a parent that could spell properly and use grammatically correct language might be a better role model?

SiPie

....and you have the cheek to question grammar ?

clown

ajm

He was right about the abuse though... a self fulfilling prophecy!

andyzxr

You are 100% right in everything you say!

I just give in because the following day i would feel really sorry for him and give in.

The Zohan

I know how that feels, even with young kids but you do have to stick by your guns and if he breaks your rules then he knows what to expect. If you then go back on the 'punishment' then you make a rod for your own back.

Be strong and stick to your guns it will be better for him and you in the long run.


Kids, even from an early age try to get away with whatever they can and push the boundaries. Be fair but firm.

Good luck

Paul

OllyK

So he knows he can do what he likes because he has you wrapped round his little finger. Time to get tough. I often drawn similies between kids and dogs. During adolesence, both start trying to asert their dominance, they push the boundaries and look to become top dog. You need to re-assert yourself, make up your mind what you are going to do and then stick it out. Expect tears, tantrums and plenty of shouting for a week or 6, but once he realises that you are not going to give in and he is seeing his favourite clothes being posted out to buyers on e-bay, he will with a bit of luck bow down to your authority. Good Luck!

Freak

davegtt

Jesus, give it a rest. Do you honestly believe that your kids will respect you better if you spell check everything you post on SN?

andyzxr

I was going to tell you what i think of you but to be honest you just arn't worth it.

I dont think my spelling has anything to do with him experimenting smoking etc

He has allways had a roof over his head,his mum and dad around him,if we ever went out he would allways be left with family,meals and allways well loved

So thanks for your advice but no thanks

Andy

andyzxr

cheers for the help everyone

Andy

unclebuck

o yea soz forgot it dont mater no more duz it coz we all talk intext speek wiv a fake jamakin akcent n e way innit? I dont no y spel chek exist reely - jus a waist of tyme.

Im of 2 doo sum crak wiv me main man - cya

jgc

Y'all leave Bucky' alone, he is a harmless sloath!

davegtt

Ive not once posted a message on here in that sort of way and the original post to this thread isnt posted like that either so Im not understanding your logic.

s70rjw

iTrader: (2)

My kids are 2 4 and 5. We tried the taking things away when bad and then rewarding something good with the return of a confiscated item. It worked wonders.The effect will be the same only instead of Postman Pat book being confiscated it will be MP3 player or the like.

Its refreshing to hear from parents who give a Damn about their kids. Stick with it and best of luck. Bob

Brit_in_Japan

Have you had a real sit down chat with him to understand why he's bunking off? Is there a serious reason behond it such as bullying? Is he struggling academically and doesn't want to admit it? Are you trying to force him down any particular route (e.g. GCSE's/A' Levels/Uni) when it doesn't interest him and he's just rebelling?

At his age he is still capable of achieving just about anything he wants to if he puts his mind to it. Perhaps talking about the future, what he really wants to do and where's he's heading now might focus his mond a bit.