Alan Smithe

Im not normally one for doing this but i feel i must, im not sure if im doing this for advice or just to get it off my chest. I certainly wont be replying but all replies advice appriciated! Ive had about 6-7 pints by the way so bear with me!

I seem to have an on going trend with my relationships with women in that they usually last around two weeks! This thread may seem light hearted but its not the way im feeling!

I took a lass out the other year who knew i liked her and who felt the same way, we seem ed to get on really well and had a lot in common which was good. We were chatting a fair bit about things we were both interested in and she genuinely appeared to like me. We went for some food and after a while i put my arm around her, to which she didnt complain. She needed to head back to work as our "date" was fairly brief in between her shift. She then went on hoilday for a week and i spent this week feeling fairly smug with myself thinking this was going somewhere.

When she go back i got a text saying she didnt know what i was wanting from this but i was a great bloke and that we should just be friends. I later found out its because i was too "gropey" - I only put my arm around her and held her hand back to her work.

The other week i pulled a friend of a work collegues gf. I got her number and we text a few times before i took her out a few days later, to which she said she was wondering when id ask her out! Lad at work said she was really keen. We chatted none stop throughout the night and it went really well. No psyhical contact from me, from past experience! It was her that made the initial move and i wasnt complaining!

She then had her sister come for the week with her nephew so i didnt see her again till last saturday. The plan was that she came out with me and my mates for a friends 25th. She text mid week asking if i still wanted her to come. Come the saturday she said she'd remembered a hen night she was supposed to go to and that we'd meet up if she could.

We did meet up , only two of them as they couldnt find the hen night! (she wasnt in a very good mood!) I gave her a kiss but she wasnt keen on me touching her ie holding her hand and putting my arm round her as we spoke. She told me so and i stopped.

She said we would go out the following week as she wanted to be with her friend that night. I text her the following evening asking if she had a good night. No reply.

I left it a few days and text her asking if she wanted to do something this week. No reply so i text asking if id upset her. That night i got a reply saying i hadnt but she said she couldnt see it working and that she thought i was a great bloke but we should just be friends.

So is it me being too friendly or is it the type of woman im going for?! The first one was 4 years younger and the latest was 1 year older.

Id really like an idea as i really was on my best behaviour this time and i dont know whats happened!

Sorry for the essay!

FlightMan

Some advice from a bloke. Ignore all the advice your gonna get from blokes on this, and listen to what the women on here write!

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

You say usually last two weeks,


You have mentioned two other people here, what about before then and what about the next one/s?

Move on son its a numbers game

7 Foot

"Crash and burn, huh Mav?"

Chip

That's probably the only sensible reply you'll get on this thread as well.

Chip

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Flash loads of money, that works, look at all the ugly fat bald rich bloke's with fit women.

fatscoobyfella

You will probably go out with many women until you find one that is truly right for you.
It aint easy meeting a woman that ticks all the boxes,and it seems a natural instinct to jump in and try and fill your boots as soon as someone takes a bit of interest in us.
I really wouldnt suggest slipping the arm round them on a fairly quick lunch date,and holding hands and putting your arms around the next one,while she is out with her mates,in my book is a no no..
Intimacy is a private,not public thing..it has to work there first before public showings of affection(if thats your thing) become comfortable.
Slowly is the right approach,talk to the girl,find out what she likes and dislikes.Only when you know her well enough is it time to make the next step.
Rushin things will just spoil what you got going,which is where you seem to be..

There is a time and a place for the kinda girl that doesnt want to be get to know you better,again if thats your thing,take them up on the offer.If ya get my drift!!

ScoobyDoo555

IMHO, there's NO such thing.
If that's the criteria for finding a partner, then I'm sorry to say, it will be a VERY long wait (or bl00dy fluke!!!)

I wish I could tell you the secret to sucess - I'm happily married with two kids. Wifey's also my best friend.
HOWEVER, we share very little in common. We must have "ticked the right boxes" in the attraction side, hence 2 kids
But I hate her music, she hates most of mine. Our interests are different. Our social lives are different, but we do share combined interests etc......

As others have said, it's a case of getting out there are "playing the game"......

I personally hated the dating game - the routine leading up to the "end game" etc.....
I use to take the attitude, "hang on, it takes 2 people to be interested!!! *** em - they can do some chasing too!" I'm all for chivalry, but there has to be a happy medium.
Not that it matters now - I've been "tagged & bagged"

Get back on the horse, but be open-minded. It's meant to be fun!!

Dan

Jamo

iTrader: (23)

I always used to pull more when I was out on the lash! in fact I cant ever remember going out and not pulling when I was on the ****, apart from when I was with someone of course.

sounds like your being a little to old fashioned in my opinion.

go out have a good time, if you dont pull, keep going it will happen at some time or another, theres no massive rush is there?

good luck

Scooby Soon!

If you threw 100 darts at a dart board, one of them is bound to go in the bullseye!

SCD Simon

iTrader: (1)

Best advice you will get

7 Foot

I wonder when he'll wake up with his hangover and remember what he typed.

cookstar

iTrader: (6)

Or only when he reads it for himself, at least he had the semse to register a new name for it...!

Poor Guy

im always the friend. apparently im too nice a guy. then they go out with ******* and i have to put up with "James is such a dick, Tonys being an arsehole blah blah" (both real ones) ****ing sucks. but as soon as they see my sports cars they want a ride. whats with that?!

webby v7 slipperwagon

iTrader: (2)

Women! Whats to understand? They are a law unto themselves.

Chip Sengravy

Not a single reply from the ladies

and in answer to the post....maybe you are a little bit too full on?...back off a bit, and let them do some of the chasing maybe...if they don't chase, their not interested. Problem solved, you know where you stand...onto the next.

Mrs WRX

I will try to give you some advise, but it has been years since I was in the dating game! On a first date/lunch date NO hand holding/touching etc unless she does it to you. If you dont know somebody then it can be very off putting somebody trying to touch you. It can seem abit leechy. Just take it slow and if the chemisty is there it will happen. So the basic rule is, let her touch/kiss you first. Oh, and good luck

eClaire

Nothing wrong with you. you just havent found the right girl who appreciates who you are and what you do, thats all.

Lee247

You sound like a really nice bloke. Stop worrying. The right girl is out there for you
What one girl likes another will hate, so just take your time, and try to relax and enjoy yourself Good luck

ScoobyAddict

Advice from a girlie then:

1. You're FAR too tactile for a start, back off with the physical contact. Leave that for date no.2 (or 3!) or at least for an evening outing, a quick lunch date is not the time to be getting over-friendly!
Most women are not in the mood for holding hands etc in their lunch break, they'd far rather just have someone listen while they bitch on about what a cr*p morning they've had so far, how cretinous their work colleagues are & have a quick bite to eat with a bloke who'll cheer 'em up a bit with a bit of general chat & a few amusing comments!

2. From the 'let's just be friends' comments, (standard cop out when you're not really interested!), sounds like you're trying too hard as well! Girls want someone who'll listen to them but not TOO much, that's what they have mates for!
Pay attention, make eye-contact, invite them to talk about themselves but keep your own replies 'blokey' & give 'em a bit of space, don't crowd 'em!

3. Worst of all, the over-friendliness, shall we say, together with the constant texting afterwards, only adds up to one thing...it makes you seem DESPERATE!
Nothing puts women off quicker, as no woman wants the geeky, gropey 'leftover' ones!
(Fine to be 'hurt', 'fragile' etc but definitely NOT desperate! LOL)
If you send a text asking if they've had a good night, makes you sound pathetic! It's grovelly & annoying! Send one saying something like "Had great time, will call soon!" MUCH more realistic!

Good luck!

briforbes

Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen...Nice guys finish last

Women hate it when men are nice and affectionate towards them, seems to go against everything they learn on 'Sex and the City'

Turbohot

Alan Smithe,just be yourself!You have learnt some stuff with your own experience anyway. If you were to be appreciated by someone,she will do it no matter what! Sometimes you meet people and you just kinda get on and click! Sometimes,it just aint for you and there is no point pondering over it!
One thing i must say.If you want longer than 2 weeks relationship,it is a matter of give,take and patience.May be,concentrate on quality,not quantity?Long term relationships are hard work and not everyone is prepared to work on them.Certain split these days are justified and certain togetherness can be so false!
However,all the best and take things as they come.

Chip Sengravy

Some interesting tips on first time dating etiquette here.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Bingo! Great advice above! Ever wondered why sometimes its easier to find someone when you're not looking or why some attached mates still get a lot of attention? Cause they're not trying, and if you get attention for who you are first and foremost rather than for the "single and not happy with it status" you'll project yourself far better and enjoy much more meaningful, honest encounters and likely more success. Practical advice, can the physical contact at first....too much too soon for most people. Personality and giving out the right vibes via nice smile etc.. should do the work at first. You've gotta get people to want more before you give it away whether they like it or not.lol.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself above all else and don't concern yourself about where it will go: the second you start not enjoying dates because you've presumed you'll get a call saying "lets just be friends", is when it'll start to happen- it's self fulfilling prophecy. At the end of the day, its not rocket science: we like being with people who we have fun with, some of them will find us attractive, some won't. But whatever you do, have fun!!

NS04

RedFive

There are no hard fast rules. And stop the texting...

FASTER MIKE!!

as said above let the girl make the first move with the holding hands and touching, make them chase you for it, make them think they've got to chase you, not you chase them. then you dont look desperate

mike

RedFive

If you are desperate, they will see it. They have an extra antenna for that. You can not pretend not to be desperate

stann01

perhaps you got bad breath

Drunken Bungle Whore

So what if he is desperate? There's plenty of desperate women out there and not all of them are munters!

I have to agree with the advice that there are no hard and fast rules - one woman will complain that you put your arm around her on a first date and another would complain if you didn't! (And men are just as picky!)

Be yourself - if you're shy then maybe get to know someone online first. It's NOT a sad option - I happen to be a close personal friend of someone it worked very well for!

Be honest with yourself about what you want in a woman - if you don't know what you're looking for then how would you know when you find it?

Good luck!

RedFive

Even when both the male & female are absolute non-munters, don't you think it's a bad idea for 2 desperate people to hook up ?

If you can't be happy on your own, you can never make someone else happy.