astraboy

With the announcement of another CLSM "Event" to be held down in Bathford, one thing was for sure. Bizarre behaviour, goats and of course Hardcore, would be a pre-requisite. That was all the justification I needed to slip out of work a little earlier than I ought to, mumbling "its John Peel Day, I'm off".

This, as well as Ned's 80th birthday was the reason for throwing this get together, so together with some pre-arranged companionship , picked up from that jewel of West London that is Uxbridge, we tore off down the M4 and chucked a left when J18 hoved into view.

Screaching to halt outside The Crown pub, tonights chosen watering hole and meeting point for the start of the evening, despite the fact we were late, we were in fact one of the earlier arrivals, so while the rest of the party crew caught up with us, we settled down with a drink while we waited, together with a copy of the Bathford Chronicle which, together with a Free CD, was thrust upon us when we arrived.

As soon as the remaining attendees had arrived, we set off up the hill and then up another hill, then up what seemed to be the steepest hill in england. A carpark on the edge of a forest hoves into view and we use it to ditch the motors. All of a sudden, out leaps Jimmygoat, congratulating us on making it to the meeting point OK.

Jimmygoat seems edgier than the last time I saw him and this is confirmed as he slaps a dayglo bracelet on each of the attendee's wrists before setting off. We follow a trail of yet more glosticks while our guide urges us to watch out for things that can upset and disturb us.

After a few minutes walking into the forest, his caution is backed up with the sighting of a large triangular roadsign. "WARNING CHAVBOTS" it proclaims. Everyone is deep in their own thoughts about what lays ahead, but we press on regardless.

Jimmygoat leads the way, walking us past even more disturbing sights and even more worrying sounds. Giant wooden goats lurk in the undergrowth, as well as huge piles of poo, but its wahat we cant see thats most engaging. Strange sounds, barely recognisable, are emenating from the top of the hill we are heading for.

The hill gets steeper, then rounds on itself as we get nearer to our destination. All of a sudden, Jimmygoat dissapears, mild panic follows before he re-appears. "S'allroight!", he explains "I jus' needed a pee!"

A clearing presents itself along with proof our destination is in sight. An uneven line of yet more goats, made from plastic piping this time, with glosticks for horns. But from then on, our directions are not visual. Sound beckons us back into the forest beyond the clearing.

The Sounds lead us to a cave in a rock face, outside which we are greeted by Ned, who points into the darkness. We slidedown the steep entrance an go inside.

On the far wall of the cave a laptop and two speakers have been set up. This is the source of the music, but not for long. Of its own accord the tunes are taken down and the presentation begins.

No live action or Ned-Chi this time, the entire thing is pre-recorded and begins with Jimmygoat welcoming the assembled crowd (as well as few latecomers who arrived shortly after we got into the cave). Jimmygoat explains the reason we are here (happy birthday Ned, John Peel forever), before introducing the first segment of the night.

Surprisingly enough, it was an appearence from DJ Gammer. Although I must say he looks very different in front of the cameras, with many making comparisons to a plank of wood wearing a hat with facial features made from blu tac instead of the future of the Hardcore scene. However, this doesnt seem to hinder Gammer in leading an ordinary life in the slightest, as he was keen to point out.

The feature centred around a day in the life of Batheaston FC's official Mascot. Gammer took us round his football club, showed us his favourite hobby that is fishing ( not to mention getting knocked in the water with alarming ease) and extreme ironing. By his own admission its difficult to iron, what with being a plank of wood in a hat, but Gammer is nothing if not resourceful and seems to manage none the less.

Next up was a curious feature, focusing on someone who we had seen earlier, behind the bar of The Crown. Harvey, the bar manager was interviewed at length with regard to the two main loves of his life, Rugby and smoking cigars. Big ones, in case you're interested, with nothing but contempt for little ones.

As the feature progressed, we learned that Harvey has been smoking since he was 12 and has not stopped since. Nor does he plan to, proudly proclaiming he will smoke till the day he dies. As well as that, it was also revealed hea has not (as far as he knows) seen any aliens.

He was in the minority after the next feature though, with the memory of the Transmission the Marsstill strong with those who witnessed it, the response we had been waiting for was finally revealed.

The Chavbots were the respondees, being an alien race from outerspace. For reasons best known to themselves, they skipped the finest brains the planet can offer and chose to talk to Tony Blair instead.

As their spacecraft sped round the screen, we were treated to audio highlights of the conversation which ensued. It turns out the Chavbots' leader, known as Blaglor, had established the best way for our races to communicate effectively, which is for humans to broadcast Hardcore and the Chavbots to return the compliment with their equivilant, known as Garganclactor.

If they had gotten in touch with the right people, then a useful exchange of information might have taken place. However, the Garganclactor was a bit lost on His Tonyness so he resorted to doing what he does best, Spin and not make much sense until it all went away. After which, the Chavbots buggered off fairly promptly, probably wondering why they bothered.

What then followed what a taster of some of the forthcoming CLSM tunage. "Free Nigel Penguin" was the title of the track and if it wasnt it should be. Quite why a pengiun should be called Nigel, why he needed to be free and indeed what he had done to be banged up in the first place was not made clear.

However, the political message of the music was overshadowed by its pace, energy and the high quality you'd expect from the label that had brought us there. A damn sight better than "Free Nelson Mandela" and a lot more dancable too. The video that accompanied it was cool and nicely put together as well.

Lastly, clearly not put off by the rantings of Mr. Blair, the Chavbots returned made a swift return to earth to show us what Garganclactor was all about, as well as provide the closing music to the presentation. Once the fast paced breakbeat rip of Robbie Williams' "Angels" (I kid you not) had finished, the CLSM got a round of applause for their efforts and it was back down to the pub with all speed.

After a Spot of Goat collecting and disassembly, closely followed by some chav photography.

I ask you, what better way is there to spend John Peel day? Can I have a show of hands for the same time next year? Carried unanimous!
astraboy.
Here are the pictures! Please log out to view them within the thread, otherwise click the links!




























Bo!

astraboy

Shouts to:
Gillian, Sarah Wiles, CDJay, Gim Overdrive, Lee UHF, Harvey, All the CLSM crew, Colin, Mrs Colin, Jimmygoat and Ned and anyone else I forgot. Oh and the Chavs, Cant forget them.