Tasberley

Has any1 ever noticed how bad things happen in such a short space of time...
Have many of you been through a divorce/long term seperation??? How long does it take to get over it??

Has been over 6 weeks since i've seperated from my wife and its gotta have been the ****test time ever.. To top everything else off having the scooby broken into just kinda puts the icing on the cake.. Might not be able to keep the home on my own too.. Gonna do my best to keep the scooby..

Whats the best way to get through ****ty times like this??? to be honest at this moment i really feel like fecking off abroad permanently and starting afresh...

Tas

Brendan Hughes

This forum is "Other Marques", not "Other Halfs"

And I'd be in favour of fecking off abroad permanently; Some of us love it - you could do a lot worse

brybusa

tas,

depends a lot if kids are involved, if they are , itll take longer as your always going to have some contact, which will bring back some painful memories for a while

If not, itll take as long as your ready to get back out dating,meeting new people and enjoying life again.

If kids are involved, it depends how "adult" you are over the seperation, access to the children etc...depending on the mentalness of the bitch, sorry, attitude of the "estranged", this can take between a few months or until the children involved are grown up enough to make the decision which parent to see and when(ie years)

Youll probably find out after a few months you wasnt that suited anyway and be glad to be shot of it(IMHO)

Chin up mate, life for most people is better after...Dont worry too much about the house for now and keep the scoob, youll find that will perk you up more when your down than 4 walls will...and you need summat smart to pick the new girl friend up in!

Best

B

Tasberley

soz about wrong section ppl...

no kidz involved thankfuly. just seem to have very much up and down days...

i dunno whether going away is a solution.. is it not just running away from problems?

ive got another dilemma in the fact that i currently live in the midlands and am originally from london way... i wanna stay in the midlands because i have made a life for myself up here but family and friends from down south think i should move back down there. i spent quite a bit of time back in london since the seperation but i've missed "home" loads...

Brendan Hughes

Only you can answer that. If the problem is that your ex is nearby and flaunting her new relationship, you have dodgy neighbours, your boss pisses you off and your scoob causes you debt, then selling it and moving will solve them. If the problem is that you start drinking heavily as you don't want to go out and see friends, moving will make it worse. You won't have the unpleasant distractions, but you won't have a support network of friends either. If you say you're a little homesick after moving from south to midlands, then I don't advocate going abroad ATM.

Tasberley

I just feel a little lost at the moment. Kiddy feels like home but without the other half it feels so empty and cold... Down south doesnt feel anything like home...

Chip Sengravy

incase you havent already..."interest only" mortgage

Tasberley

how the **** can some ppl be so inconsiderate to some1 they loved and apparently still do... fecking woman.

GC8

Mate; f*ck her sister, you'll feel a lot better!


Simon

Turbohot

Tasberley,someone said to me once that it leaves double time impact.That means,to get over your ex "totally" it may take one 2 yrs if one has been with that person for a year.Sounds like a long time doesnt it? ****tiest time will be the initial few months.It all depends upon how much you have loved and cared for someone TBH and how seriously you took them.There are psychological reasons like emotional dependency and physical absence that causes loneliness and depression.Ther is another tendency which plays part in it-some people have a problem to live in past.Its self-torture.
IMO if you are sure it is over,pick up a hobby and keep yourself busy until you find someone you can again fall for.Life is too uncertain.Make it constructive and move on.Its gonna be difficult but you will get over.
All the best.

unfeasablylargegonads

iTrader: (3)

Tas, could be worse, my mate whom I have nicknamed "lucky" in the space of a year: his dad died, he found out his girlfriend (whom he had lived with for 4 years) was having an affair with one of his close friends (they later went on to have a child the next year which he had always wanted), he lost his job and was unable to find another one for months, had to sell his house to pay the girlfiend off (even though she had not put much money into it), had to sell his car, he got some strange pancreas disease and was told he could never drink alcohol again or it would kill him.......

Still things looked up for him in the next year when I found out he had been out and found a new girl, this lifted his spirts no end, until a couple of weeks later he found out she had given him VD. On a plus note it did turn out that infact the pancreas disease was misdiagnosed (was infact kidney or gaul stones can't remember now).

Being a good mate I laughed and took the **** a lot

Still hes now found a new lady (engaged), new job and new car. He was up and down like a yo yo but has come through alright mate as I am sure you will, time is the best healer as they say. Life is too short so don't dwell in the past look forward to the future (unless your 70 and dont have much )

Turbohot

Feelings of confusion,rejection,helplessness and loneliness take enough time to get over.For a long term relationship,6 weeks of ****ty time is natural.Councelling will help as well if you can manage that.family and friends will play a big part in getting over something like that apart from a hobby.Communicate with people,go away for a holiday and meet new people,not necessorily with the intention of replacing your ex but to divert your emotions to other human relationships.It all helps.
Take care.

Tasberley

thanks for the words on encouragement guys...
we spent 3yrs together and i love her dearly. would do anything for her. well would have done... just seems to be the ****test rollercoster ride ever. at the moment we are still living together which is making it very difficult... she just so fecking inconsiderate to me its unbelievable... she keeps saying that she wants us to be friends but she keeps on ****ting on me from a great height... i keep on saying to myself that i hate her and that i dont want anything to do with her but its so difficult its unbelievable..

one good thing to come out of is that i have lost 2 stone. i know its not the right way and due to the right reasons but i was a bit overweight before. gone from 15stone5 to 13stone7...

Tasberley

i kinda feel like im losing my mind and that i have physicalogical issues... keep on invisioning me just not coping and turning into the nasty bitter old man... that scares me.

C2forWRX

stumbled across this thread and its one that i could relate to more than any. tas my woman split with me the day after out 3rd year aniversairy, july 22nd. I still feel like you explained above. before i had University, work and her and i was very very happy and comfortable. now shes gone im all over the place. started back at uni today looking forward to it and when the day ended i didnt know what to do. never felt so lonely in my entire life

Tasberley

so many mixed feelings... loss, emptiness, up and down, stressed, angryness, bitterness...
dunno if u have felt this but have u felt like a bit of a burden all of a sudden on family and friends??

yeah... before we split i had everything... married to a beautiful woman, owned our own place, a fat scooby, awesome family and friends....

now the only thing left really is family and friends...

C2forWRX

I dont know about a burden on family as I started doing 48+ hour weeks at work to try and fill in my spair time. like someone said above take up a hobby, I just worked. I tryed to earn as much money as i could in the summer before uni and now i could buy almost anything i want but just am not motivated or have the same love for thing at the mo. for example i always wanted a top of the range bose hifi now i can afford 2 and i jsut dont want it anymore. almost as if i wanted it for her. sounds weiord i know.

mates have now moved away to uni again as summer is over but although they took my mind off things all they seemd to say in terms of help was come down to my student digs and have a week on the **** and **** a load of student birds. just doesnt appeal to me anymore. for the time being anyway

Tasberley

yeah im the same when it comes to that.. been out quite a bit and for the time im out i generally had a good time... just not the same... spose time will change that....

friends have been superb but 2 of the closest friends to me are a couple and i sometimes feel like i must be a burden... they say im not but i can imagine it to be...

its ironic but in the whole time we have been together we have lived together and spent nearly 24/7 together. worked together as well.. part of our downfall... to have all of that taken away is not nice... everything seems to be tainted.. everything i look at reminds me. music reminds me... cars remind me...

C2forWRX

oh yea. hit the nail their. red ford ka she drove. i have never see so many of them now. constantly reminding me making me think of the past. every tune on the radio reminds me infact i wiped my itunes as every tune init was either downloaded by her of by me for her.

just going to be up and down for a while man. cant say how long as no one knows. it will get better fact just gotta battle on.

Im only 20 and I got to know her at 16 started when 17. so i spent the 3-4 most important growing up maturing years of my life with her. when everyone else was single and doing crazy student things i wasn't but i was happy and didnt care. such a big change to have to make and settle into now tho

Tasberley

yeah.... i suppose there arent many 24yr olds that can say they have been married and now seperated, owned their own place, owned a 300bhp+ scooby and been very happy all for it to fall apart... well i can now...

its so ironic because we went through so much together...

question for you mate?? did u stay in contact with ur ex??? did u want to??

C2forWRX

well yea she wants to be friends. we do a similar degree at the same uni and although i aint seen her since i was with her i probably will now we back at uni. it will be arquard but i aint gunna be diliberatly ignoring her. we had a bad patch a week before we split and last time i saw her we went out for a nice meal n a drink then my house. she wasnt herself but apologised for this after the meal and she got upset for putting a downer on the night i said it was fine and we went back to mine and had a nice night. i havent seen her since tthat nice night. text's thats all. for the next few days she just wanted to be on her own which drove me insane and almost went round in the middle of the night to c her. she ended it on the phone a few days later. i still am not clear as to what broke us up but she wasnt happy is what she said but it was totally out of the blue she clearly hadnt been showing it what so ever in fact the oposite. we still text each other ocasionally. I want her back. I f she has started with someone else then i dont want her back because it shows how little time it obviously took her to get over the break

Tasberley

fecking horrible situation mate... i know my ex wants to be friends and ideally i would love that to be the case as she has been the biggest part of my life.... we had problems and things were not working... she cheated on me in may and it ended because she was no longer willing to continue trying. i know that she is kinda seeing somebody now so i cant have had that much of an effect on her. she keeps on saying to me how she has lost everything!!! yeah she has lost a lot but thats her choice and she seems to be moving on already..

the one thing i have taken from this at the moment is that treating women nicely and like princesses just ends up with them taking the mick and end up getting hurt. did everything for my ex and i think treated her exceptionally well (what family and others have said). from now on i will can see myself being different and much more selfish..

ps u on msn messenger at all???

C2forWRX

na not got msn.

nice guys come last though mate its a fact. but i believe what goes around comes around so it will be my turn for luck soon hopefully. I heard that she may be seeing someone. and i know the someone and found it really hard to believe cos of who he is but i trusted her more than neone and i really dont think she would have cheated on me. touch wood anyway.

Tasberley

another thing i have learnt is to trust my instincts... 99% right...

god we probably sound like whinging gits... thats another feeling that all im doing is moaning and whingeing about it all the time...

mad_dr

Now THERE'S some good advice!

Gidney&Knowlesy

Being a ******* may well get you a few casual flings, though it won't keep a girl. The tried & tested route of treat others as you like to be treated, often ends in more meaningful & rewarding experiences.

C2forWRX

your right there man

Tasberley

yeah... i spose so. definately not worked here though.

EddScott

To be honest mate, your lucky you haven't got children. I can't fecking stand my GF (binge drinker extrordinaire!) but we've got a 3 year old daughter. She's not too bad normally but once she's down the first pint (yes pint, such class in a lady!!) nothing else matters.

Sadly though, without me, my daughter won't have much of a chance in life as the GF can't really do much more than bar work being reasonably uneducated and completely oblivous to the term "Career". The standard of living arrangements for single mothers in this neck of the woods would make a dog wince so muggins here has to leave.

At least without children you can cut your losses. With children you just get punished from day one of seperation until the childs 18 birthday!!!!

Good luck anyway. I also agree with the hobby bit. I was going to knock a couple of mine on the head but I'll be keeping the stuff just in case I need something to take my mind of things.

Tasberley

hobby wise i've got the scooby and play golf but both of these were joint hobbys with my ex... need something new... gonna get myself down the gym again soon i reckon as ive lost some weight...