....feel the need to:

1. Put their feet on the dashboard of their van, irrespective of length of journey.

2. Dangle there tattoo infested forearm out the window of their van.

3. Write "I wish my wife was as dirty as this" on their van in all the soot, muck and dirt on the back doors.

4. Shout "aaeeeuughhhhhgghhhaaAAAAAUUOOGGHHH" if they perceive you to have done something to hinder their progress in their van. <add waving arms violently if person in question is in a nice car, sporting a shirt and tie>

5. Stare down at you as you go post them on a 2 or 3 lane carriageway. Gawping into your car with mouth half open.

6. Always put the apprentive 16yr old in the middle of the front bench seat as they sit 6 a-breast.

 

Becuase they are "working class", it's what they do.

Dave

 

I class myself as a manual worker (I don't sit on my fat *** all day playing with my dick) and I sometimes drive a works van so I'll try and reply to your post in the best of my "working class" ability!

1. Don't know - I find it difficult to drive with my feet on the dashboard so tend to have my right foot on the accelerator and my left is tapping to the music blaring out from the stereo.

2. Because we are not ashamed of our muscular arms. It would be different if we had the limp wristed limbs of office "workers"

3. We don't! - Kids / pedestrians / bored office workers tend to do that for us. What we then do is write "she is with me" below your scriblings.

4. Because we can, and its good to get things off your chest rather than pretending to be "The Big Man" by winging like a limp dicked to$$er on here!

5. Because as your driving your secratary to lunch at a smart restaurant, she's just hitched her skirt or adjusted her blouse up to give the hunky guy in the van a quick flash -this does happen

6. Don't know - I don't see that here, if were carrying more people we're usually in a double cab van.


It doesn't bother me what people think when they see me in amy works van - What they don't know is that its actually MY company, I own the vehicles, I work because I enjoy it, I can take time off work whenever I want to, I take 4 - 5 foreign holidays a year, and sometimes I'm in a shirt and tie and looking smart. And I've done the buy a brand new flashy scoob, spent thousands modifying it then realised I had a life so sold it an bought a 4x4 jeep that I can bounce up kerbs without worrying about my 18" alloys or low pro tyres.

HTH

Bob

 

Davyboy - PMSL. Good point.
Do they all feed off of each other, almost trying to "out-****" each other?? One swears, the other swears louder and more obtusely....and so on??

 

wow good reason for buying a 4x4.

 

7. hog the overtaking lane when they clearly don't have enough power to overtake anything for 2 miles, then when I use the correct lane, they do point 4, including flashing of their headlights.....

 

Yeah its obvious thats the reason I bought a 4x4

 

The reason you've bought a 4x4 is to drive the kids to school...

 

Maybe some are like that, but the van I use as a run-around has been modified ever so slightly (prob a legacy of owning a modded scoob) and I find I get repmobiles up to my rear bumper because I am allowing a safe distance to the slower vehicles in front of me, once the road ahead is clear I tend to drive a lot faster (in a reckless manor no doubt) than the dick in the car behind anyway.

Oh well, its time I left home and popped into work, just for an hour, then I'll come back home and download a few more tunes.

It was fun...

Bob

 

Nope your wrong there, my daughter cycles to school. The parents who drive their kids to school when its walking / cycling distance are

Bought a 4x4 as I was sick of the "look at me I've got a flashy car" image of the scoob.

 

Oh most definately!

I was bored (like you) and fancied a natter, but mummy says I can go out to play now, so I can't be your fish any more.

Bob

 

Number 8 on the list:

8. Bounce up kerbs aggressively when all 4 wheels should remain on the highway.

 

Perhaps some driving lessons would have been a wiser and cheaper investment?

 

<aaaaaoooghhghhhghghgh oooaaagghhhgggGGgghhggghhggAGGHHHHH>

<waves fist>

<swears>

<driving becomes even more erratic>


<crashes>

 

1. The only comfy position in the passenger seat of an old transit to eat your luch and drink out your thermos is with your feet on the dash

2. I dangle whatever I like out the window

3. Somebody else usually writes that, usually by a co worker. "rapist" and "drive closer...I like it up my ****" were common slogans on the back of our vans.

4. If you've ever managed to get a fully laden "old" shape transit up to 80mph, you will understand how fustrating it is for some numpty doing 60mph to pull out infront and force to slow down again. Taking another 5mins to get back up to speed (same applies for non-turbo diesel Citreon Berlingos or Peugeot Partners ). Also intimdating other motorists is fun, it's quite amusing to see people go off on one...and we're bigger than you

5. The joys of being higher up, excellent viewpoint for perving . Plus only truckers can see us rolling our own.

6. It's the smallest seat, the apprentice is the normally some skinny half-wit. And he won't moan every time his knee gets bashed when changing into 2nd gear It's like a pecking order. The only exception is, if like me, you were incharge of fitting the new Cd player and changer whilst on the move driving to Newcastle, so we can have some bangin' tunes to upset the old people when we hit the highstreet .

7. Combine answer with No.4 You've now got your transit upto 80mph, as soon as you pull to lane 2 nobody will let you back into lane 3 to overtake a truck doing 55mph. So lane 3 all the way it is But you must bear in mind there are people who see this type of vehicle and "must get past you" no matter how fast your going. Even whilst nursing a VW van over 120mph and still overtaking other vehicles...a BMW will be still sat up your **** trying to peer past and flashing his lights

P.S My work no longer includes travelling Europe in Vans anymore, sometime I miss that advantageous view point and the mobile footstool

 

Cool reply Ali-B

 

Every time a friend or I hire a van.... we do all of that!

Plus, leave a copy of the Sport on the dashboard, along with empty McDonald wrappers!

It must be a primal thing... like barbecues, fires and engine bays!

 

.....and Carling, tattoo's and Kappa.

 

A new one!!

8. Whilst in the van, eat bacon & egg roll as loudly as possible whilst laughing and showing the contents of your cake hole to everyone else. If anyone looks at you, say "EEEAAHHUHUGG MMMEEAAGGHH UUUUGHGHHG" loudly then laugh again, spilling some onto your top, flicking it off so it ends up with all the other itmes of food splatted around the cabin floor.

 

And another
Sticking your hairy **** out the window at people

 

Then congratulating your fellow "vannies" based on the level of horror on the face of the innocent old lady that witnessed the horrific event.

 

Shouting out "Give her one, we all have"

 

Slump in front seat like you have broken your back.