SC008Y_MAD

iTrader: (5)

This was emailed to one of my dads work colleagues...enjoy...it's funny...



After every flight, Qantas (Australian) pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet”, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.





By the way Qantas is famous for its perfect safety record!



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud

S: DME volume set to more believable level



P: Friction lock cause throttle leavers to stick.

S: That’s what they’re for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode



P: Suspected crack in windshield

S: Suspect you’re right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last ……



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.



Well i think its funny

Darren

Scooby-Mark

PMSL

sti-04!!

SIAL

gyfto1

well i liked it,pmsl.
not seen it before so not all in the sial brigade of killjoys

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

In fairnesss, this does predate scoobynet, so its Before Sial

The Zohan

LMFAO and nearly spat me Gin into the keyboard!

Tiggs

i think you will find it pre-dates the internet let alone SIAL!

(also clearly not true- thought it worth adding for the really stupid out there!)

sti-04!!

Gin

You got a problem you would like to share with us ?????

Adidas

Brilliant thread

Jap2Scrap

Thank Christ it's already translated from the Latin...

Luminous

iTrader: (3)

I love these sort of jokes. Seen a joke very similar to this before, but it had a few different ones in there. The one I saw was about the military, hence the target radar one

Still loving it, love the engine 3 missing joke

SC008Y_MAD

iTrader: (5)

Glad you guys like it.
My favorite is

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed.

Because we have a cat....

SJ_Skyline

Well, if you're starting early.....

mart360

what the timing or the quotes.....??

out of curiosity tiggs, do an internet search for accidents relating to quantas aircraft...

i think youl find one....

they have the best service record around, they can afford to have the funnys thrown around..


M

The Zohan

The sun is over the yard-arm
23 degrees outside
No Pimms
Working (and i use that term loosely) from home

Has to be a G&T!

Tiggs

the quotes are made up....clearly

what does Quantas want with IFF???? Be fitting them with Sidewinders next!

mart360

I think you,l find all comerrcial aircraft are fitted with a type of IFF transponder, its used to identify them to radar sytems, its how air traffic control, log and identify each plane...



M

Tiggs

and a target radar?

i can assure you..that is a very old list that has done the rounds with every airlines name used instead not to mention RAF, USAF, etc, etc

even SNOPES.com have it down as, at best, a few true ones combined and added to with pants to create the list.

BOB.T

Quantas don't have a perfect record, they had a 747 which messed up a landing and should've been written off, it was fixed at their own cost to maintain the record, or so I'm told!

Anyway, if this list has surfaced again we must be due the customer satisfaction survey from Mcdonnell-Douglas / General Dynamics / BAE / random defence company!

mart360

if you check back in the thread, i did say that they had one incident..

how many other have only 1??


M

Vegescoob

Yonks ago, when I was in a motorcycle club, we had several members who were from a nearby RAF base.
I'll never forget that one of them, an airframe fitter, said to me that their, the maintenance guys, favourite saying was...



















"If God had meant us to fly, He'd have given us wings".