Peccant

Adultery - is it ok? My best friend is having an affair, and despite my best attempts to talk her out of it, she reckons that as long as her partner doesn't find out it will all be ok.
Personally I think it is the lowest of the low and although I'll be there to pick up the pieces I don't agree with it. My friend says that "most people are at it" and it's normal. Am I just blinkered and old fashioned? (I'm not old!!!)

Would really appreciate some views on this.

I'd start a pole but don't know how!

Amy

mart360

dont get involved....

leave them to it...

if you try to help or do anything, you will end up the looser!!!



m

milo

i think the statistics are something like 50% of people commit adultery at least once... so while it's pretty normal, imo its NOT ok. far from it.

your friend's partner needs an anonymous tip-off so that he can kick her to the kurb where she belongs.

how would u feel if it was you being cheated on? you'd want to know, right?

Peccant

you're right - I'd be gutted! don't think I want to get involved though. I'm not going to cover for her but won't tell her O/H as she is my best friend.

pslewis

Everyones been at it I reckon, me excluded (of course!)

Its all part of life .......... we weren't built for a one partner life, I don't think?

Pete

Peccant

why not?

djuk

I think it probably does happen more than people suspect, although saying that it depends on your definition of cheating.

What we're talking about above is an ongoing thing which is obviously fairly calculated and selfish but on the other hand Ive seen many good people let a few beers and the mood of the evening get the better of them enough to stray for just one night and regret it the next morning.

Either way its wrong obviously and yes I would want a tip off of some sorts rather than being played for a fool.

john_s

iTrader: (1)

I think the best thing to do is stay out of it & just be ready to be there for her if everything goes t!ts up.

I was put in a similar position by my best mate a couple of years ago. I didn't agree with what he was doing, and I also didn't like the way we'd go somewhere, and his bit on the side would "coincidently" appear. I just bit my tongue & vented steam about it to another friend.

John.

Brun

I don't understand why people do this. If you're sh4gging someone else then you obviously don't wanna be with the person you are in a relationship with. If you did then you wouldn't be sh4gging around.
A relationship is nothing without trust and at the moment she is defying the trust her partner has invested in her. I personally would avoid her till she sorts it out. All IMO

Alas

It stinks!!
If you want to play around - stay single. No ifs, buts or maybes
IMHO
Alas

Puff The Magic Wagon!

iTrader: (2)

Crikey - listen to the lot of you

You will never know what is going to happen.

If something happens, it does & if not, then hey you're OK.

It's all part of the rich tapestry of life but it's always easier to play the "goody".


Things change & people change & there's no saying that what is good for someone now will remain the same in years to come. Just stop being so pontificating & relax and be there for your friends when they need you as likely you will need them at some point.

chris's scooby

Does this this mean it's wrong for me to be sleeping with a secretry i used to work with then, even though we're both nearly/married?

Alas

Not worried about being there for a friend but would not cheat myself. If I met someone and was not just lust I would not cheat. I would at least be honest with my missus. She deserves better than cheating on her. My way - I realise we're all not the same.
Alas

jaycee

No Chris it's fine, I'm ******** your fiancee anyway!!

jaycee

I should've said, yes it is wrong.

chris's scooby

That's ok, can you ask Diana if she's found the sock i've lost yet?

chris's scooby

And in that case i will pull my tounge out of her ****.

Poor Guy

dont get involved one bit matey!

I have a very good female friend (yes, one of those failed ones with the love you as a friend crap) and her bf was cheating on her. he'd shagged some other lass apparently and left town every tuesday with a different girl. I thought he was the idiot for doing this in front of me. but no, i was the idiot, i told my friend and she went ballistic, at me. wouldnt talk to me.

so moral of story. someone cheats, stay well away.

chris's scooby

Quite true. They normally believe their loved one over a friend, even if it's just because they feel they should.

Poor Guy

aye, tis ****e.

Adrian F

Cheating is wrong, if you have that little thought for your partner then they are the wrong person for you and you should split.

I have had it done to me and when i was told by a friend i dumped her. i then found out that other supposed friends knew but hadnt told me, i was gutted and decided they obviously werent my friends. Then i had the people who wanted to stay friends with both of us and "wouldnt take sides" so they went as well. she cost me a lot of supposed friends.

Still wouldnt do it my self but it is very common now days. Alot of women i know have cheated on at least one partner and some of my male work mates have done so as well. certainly seems more common amongst women now days than men may be just more oppotunities for women.

Lum

Bollocks IMO.
Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're any good in bed and the reverse is true as well. IMO if people could separate sex and love things would be a lot simpler.
And on this point I totally agree, since if you're supposed to only sleep with one partner and then do otherwise, then that's lying or cheating, whatever you want to call it.

Peccant

Hardest thing is she has two kids that adore their Dad, and if the worst happened they would stay with her which would break their Dad's heart.

milo

yeah it does suck for the kids.. it always sucks for the kids. what sucks the most is that yes the kids probably would end up with the morally-corrupt mother, while the father ends up begging for the right to see his children

Adrian F

The other thing you see is the Mother using access to the children as a weapon against the man.

At the end of the day cheating on some body just proves you don’t actually love them IMO saying no is always possible or if you want to sleep with some one else then leave your partner and have the relationship with them.

As to telling him that is a difficult one I have told when the person being cheated on is the closer friend but not if the cheater is a closer friend. If some body is cheating on me I would prefer to be told but not every body wants to know. Maybe better to tell her that you feel if she doesn’t stop you will have to tell him and see if she stops? Or at least does it so that you don’t know?

I suppose I am not very understanding to people who cheat I never have and I never see myself doing it. I think that men are less tolerant of cheating than women and once it comes out be it this year or 5 years time men find it much harder to forgive than women do.

You could always point out that eventually he will find out be it now or later and then it will devastate her children when he leaves her so maybe it is better that either she leaves him now or remains faithful before it all goes wrong.

Leslie

It might all feel great at the time, but if you get found out, your original relationship will never be the same again. You have to weigh up that risk against the value you put on your marriage or original partnership. Even more so with children involved. Is it worth ruining their lives as well?

Les

Peccant

I think you've hit the nail on the head Les. She's gonna have to look long and hard about what is important. Don't know if it's something she'll be able to stop that easily though. Stupid thing is, as far as I'm aware her life with her partner is near perfect so I can't understand why she's risking it all.

janeyj

My ex husband cheated on me resulting in us now being very nearly divorced. I really don't think the adulterers know how it makes the other party feel when it all comes out - well it makes you feel a bit worthless to tell you the truth and being left finding it very hard to trust a member of the opposite sex any more! The worst thing is,is not being told what the reason forthem cheating on you is and being left feeling that it is all your fault, when usually its not.


Jane x

Spoon

There's some great clubs where you can both enjoy doing it now.

Anyway, you change your car, why not change your partner as often?

Some people have more than one car in the garage too. Variety, the spice of life.

midget1500

oh FFS at all these people that justify cheating. it's just f**king wrong. selfish a**holes.