Dazzler

Anyone read any CVs that have made you wonder what the hell is going on in their minds ?

Here's a quote from one we had in recently, from his Hobbies section :-

"Digital Media : I have the use of the Adobe suite of applications - Premier 6, Photoshop 6 and After Effects 5. I use these along with my interest in Flash 5 and my digital camcorder to create various little projects. Such as a lightsabre fight between my brother and one of my housemates pet rats!"

Dazzler

A couple more in someone's "Professional Achievements" section :-

"Actively seeked out work for myself - asking to come in when there are System Shutdowns to check system works again afterwards. Again this is not a current part of the process, as the company does not offer monetary overtime (I also live about 40 miles from the office)"

"When being asked if I would like to join the company permanently, my manager's manager's first words in the meeting were quite simply "I've heard a lot of good things about you"


I don't know, maybe it's only me that finds them funny.

Brendan Hughes

I think I still have a copy of a CV somewhere which I photocopied as it was so bad. The guy was 48 years old and was going for a Team Leader position in Uzbekistan, paid about 70kpa tax-free.

It had all his details on, and I mean all. It still told us that he was a prefect in middle school, and a member of the school band

Up_North

Dazzler

If you don't want to offer me the job just say - no need to make fun of me!!!!

Ian

Dazzler

Ian,

I did wonder if anyone on here may have been the author !

Please don't sue me for copyright !

jjones

once had an interview with a chap who answered a technical question with the following
"i can't think right now, but when i sit at a keyboard i let my fingers do the magic".

Dazzler

jjones, that's brilliant I've just had our team in stitches when I read that out!

jjones

needless to say the chap got the job

he dragged the company down for 5 years before finaly being half pushed out of the door.

this guy was a real life dave brent and one of his final quotes was on an upcoming interview.

"i'm not worried, it's just the battle of the bull****ters"

Ubik

Last year I advertised and got a response, not the one I wanted.


One CV listed everything about the bloke and his wife as well for some weird reason. How much they weighed and that they never missed an episode of Corrie.

IIRC it was eight or nine A4 sheets (both sides).

He was very excited about joining a large multinational company. Strange as I employ five people and have two buildings in Chesterfield.



I had another from an woman from Serbia who lives locally.

"Dear Sir,

English is not my first language" ...one page of stuff I couldn't read..."thank you"


The very worst was a note shoved through the mailbox with "I want the job please phone me to arrange an interview".

Dazzler

You should have invited your first man along for an interview Ubik, I wonder if he would have turned up with his wife ?

mart360

i had a guy come for an interview once,

he was being made redundant, so was legally entitled to time off to seek new employment..

i asked him all the standard fare questions,,, all ok..

i then took him for a relaxed coffee..

a few more quastions, and then...........

me

"what does your current emplyer think abuot you going for this job"

him

"they dont know"

me

"really whys that?? confidentiallity?? "

Him

"No I pulled a sickie"


wtf.... he had it all going for him,, and then blew it


sufice to say we didnt employ him


Mart

milo

ive never had the pleasure of interviewing anyone yet. i have however had cvs emailed to me. one was directly from the person applying (not thru an agency) and was sent from his hotmail address which was something along the lines of hot_horny_dude69 or something similar

NotoriousREV

I once had a CV for a job where the guy had 5 jobs listed and in every one his role seemed to involve "helping to close the company down after bankruptcy" or "maintaining service levels following a major round of redundancies"

Er, thanks Jonah, but we're not sure you're quite what we're after..

Brendan Hughes

Not quite CV, but we have a lovely lady in this office. English is not her native language, but she sends some classic emails. Just now we got one pleading not to spring surprise requests on her: "Please, keep your mind clear : I'm from material resources - not miraculous resources."

Diesel

It's never a pleasure mate - its a repetitive boring inaccurate nuisance!!! You only find out what they are really like a few months down the line. You give it your best 'educated' shot in deciding who's suitable in interview. I'm setting more practical tests now for people and that works well, although it does surprise some. D

Henrik

iTrader: (5)

I agree, practical tests are the way forward IMO, but having said that, they are scary as f*ck

Frosty The Snowman

We had a guy in going for an IT Manager job and apparently he had lots of experience with Novel.......we would had preferred someone who had experience of Novell, not books, he didn't get the job

scoobimax

Where I work put a lot of store in competency based recruitment, seeking examples of how individuals actually handled a situation rather than how the would.

One was to give an example of adapting to change. The following is an exact response:

I've worked in a factory and I've worked in a shop. There's a big difference.

No **** sherlock! He didn't get sifted in for an interview, but he didn't half cheers us up.

Diesel

Scoobimax - I think you are being pretty mean on that one...? There IS a huge difference between a newsagent and a wellington boot factory!

Had a great one yesterday - looking for a job as a VT editor, but the CV was 95% about his scuba diving qualifications and exotic locations worked. Sank fast