Stevie Wonder Concert
25 October 2004, 12:17 PM
#1
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Stevie Wonder Concert
Stevie Wonder has just finished a sell-out concert in Japan and after
the applause has died down he asks the crowd if there's anything they'd
like him to play. This little Japanese fella at the front is jumping up
and down, shouting and waving his arms like a madman and Stevie asks him
what he'd like him to play. He shouts "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz
chord" so Stevie belts out a 2 minute solo in F minor on his piano and
the crowd are in raptures. "No, No" he shouts "play a jazz chord, play
ajazz chord". A little bit bemused Stevie does a 3 minute impromptu in A
major and gets the crowd rocking. The little fella shouts "No, No, I
want you to play a jazz chord". Stevie gives in and says "how does that
go then?" To which he replies.....
"A jazz chord to say I ruv you!"
the applause has died down he asks the crowd if there's anything they'd
like him to play. This little Japanese fella at the front is jumping up
and down, shouting and waving his arms like a madman and Stevie asks him
what he'd like him to play. He shouts "Play a jazz chord, play a jazz
chord" so Stevie belts out a 2 minute solo in F minor on his piano and
the crowd are in raptures. "No, No" he shouts "play a jazz chord, play
ajazz chord". A little bit bemused Stevie does a 3 minute impromptu in A
major and gets the crowd rocking. The little fella shouts "No, No, I
want you to play a jazz chord". Stevie gives in and says "how does that
go then?" To which he replies.....
"A jazz chord to say I ruv you!"
25 October 2004, 12:41 PM
#2
Scooby Regular
Then Stevie Wonder phones up Tiger Woods.......
SW: Hi Tiger, it's Stevie Wonder here, do ya fancy a game of golf some time ?
TW: Hi, err, suppose so, but you are blind ?
SW: No worries, I'll play you for $100,000 per hole
TW: You must be mad, I'm one of the World's best golfers and you are a blind singer, you don't stand a chance
SW: Yup, so what.... are you chicken or what, do you want to play or not ?
TW: OK then, when do you want to play ?
SW:
...............any night you want
SW: Hi Tiger, it's Stevie Wonder here, do ya fancy a game of golf some time ?
TW: Hi, err, suppose so, but you are blind ?
SW: No worries, I'll play you for $100,000 per hole
TW: You must be mad, I'm one of the World's best golfers and you are a blind singer, you don't stand a chance
SW: Yup, so what.... are you chicken or what, do you want to play or not ?
TW: OK then, when do you want to play ?
SW:
...............any night you want
25 October 2004, 09:13 PM
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Don't joke, I've a good mate who is totally blind and plays golf. He also wanted to start a blind shooting club!! Honestly. Seems that they have some sort of prism sight for the rifle that makes different beeping noises depending on what colour it is pointing at. What worries me isn't so much the colour it's pointing at as whether it's pointing down the range or just in a random direction :-)
He also goes fishing, skiing and water skiing and can see the funny side of all of it.
He also goes fishing, skiing and water skiing and can see the funny side of all of it.
25 October 2004, 10:42 PM
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A woman wakes up in hospital after a difficult childbirth.
The nurse sees she's awake and congratulates her on her new baby boy. Where is he then? asks the woman. Well, said the nurse, there were complications so we have him in the special care unit, c'mon, well go and see him. The mother and the nurse toddle off to see the new baby.
They enter the baby care unit and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it has no legs. Is this him? asks the mother. No, says the nurse, this way...
They go into the next room, and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it has no arms or legs. Is this him? asks the mother. No says the nurse, this way...
They go into the next room, and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it is just a head on the pillow. Is this him? asks the mother.
........ no says the nurse, this way...
The mother is begginning to worry now, they go into the next room, and the woman walks to the bed. Resting on the pillow are a pair of little ears.
Is this him? asks the mother.
Yes, says the nurse, but there's a slight problem. He's deaf.
apologies in advance for bad taste&crap jokes..
The nurse sees she's awake and congratulates her on her new baby boy. Where is he then? asks the woman. Well, said the nurse, there were complications so we have him in the special care unit, c'mon, well go and see him. The mother and the nurse toddle off to see the new baby.
They enter the baby care unit and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it has no legs. Is this him? asks the mother. No, says the nurse, this way...
They go into the next room, and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it has no arms or legs. Is this him? asks the mother. No says the nurse, this way...
They go into the next room, and the woman goes over to the baby in the bed, she goes to pick the baby up but it is just a head on the pillow. Is this him? asks the mother.
........ no says the nurse, this way...
The mother is begginning to worry now, they go into the next room, and the woman walks to the bed. Resting on the pillow are a pair of little ears.
Is this him? asks the mother.
Yes, says the nurse, but there's a slight problem. He's deaf.
apologies in advance for bad taste&crap jokes..
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25 October 2004, 11:11 PM
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a nun was taking a shower, when suddenly the door bell goes.
she goes to the door in the buff and says "who is it??"
a man replies "it's the blind man"
thinking he wouldn't be able to see 'owt, she opens the door.
at which point he marches in, says "nice ****, where do you want your blinds???"
har har har....
BB
she goes to the door in the buff and says "who is it??"
a man replies "it's the blind man"
thinking he wouldn't be able to see 'owt, she opens the door.
at which point he marches in, says "nice ****, where do you want your blinds???"
har har har....
BB
25 October 2004, 11:20 PM
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A bear and a rabbit are in the woods taking a s**t.
The bear turns to the rabbit "tell me, do you ever have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur?"
"No" replies the rabbit
"Thats great" says the bear, just as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his **** with him
The bear turns to the rabbit "tell me, do you ever have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur?"
"No" replies the rabbit
"Thats great" says the bear, just as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his **** with him
25 October 2004, 11:26 PM
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The bear turns to the rabbit "tell me, do you ever have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur?"
"No" replies the rabbit
"Thats great" says the bear, just as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his **** with him
"No" replies the rabbit
"Thats great" says the bear, just as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his **** with him
, the rabbit needs to reply yes.....
25 October 2004, 11:31 PM
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That's true, MJ, because if the **** didn't stick to the rabbit's fur, then it would still be all over the bear's ****. (have I over-explained the joke enough, yet?)
25 October 2004, 11:37 PM
#15
Originally Posted by hedgehog
Don't joke, I've a good mate who is totally blind and plays golf. He also wanted to start a blind shooting club!! Honestly. Seems that they have some sort of prism sight for the rifle that makes different beeping noises depending on what colour it is pointing at. What worries me isn't so much the colour it's pointing at as whether it's pointing down the range or just in a random direction :-)
He also goes fishing, skiing and water skiing and can see the funny side of all of it.
He also goes fishing, skiing and water skiing and can see the funny side of all of it.
25 October 2004, 11:38 PM
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Originally Posted by mj
bonehead, factually speaking, that joke is incorrect. , the rabbit needs to reply yes.....
, the rabbit needs to reply yes.....
25 October 2004, 11:40 PM
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yes, and all of a sudden, its not funny anymore......<wave's rose about morressey stlye>..
the joke would be better if the rabbit had just been released from a 3rd degree burns unit at the Vets. A rabbit wrapped in bandage,If I had a bear with a dirty **** thats what I'd use, however, I cant help feeling it kills the joke somewhat
the joke would be better if the rabbit had just been released from a 3rd degree burns unit at the Vets. A rabbit wrapped in bandage,If I had a bear with a dirty **** thats what I'd use, however, I cant help feeling it kills the joke somewhat
26 October 2004, 01:02 AM
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26 October 2004, 08:56 AM
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Stevie wonder once got interviewed, and the interviewer asked him, what it was like being blind - he replied - "its not really a problem, at least i'm not black"
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