16vmarc

If SIAL then

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the ground engineers problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The ground engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, then the pilot reviews the gripe sheet before the next flight.


Never let it be said the ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by the ground engineers.



By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident!!



(P = the problem logged by the pilot.) (S = the solution and action taken

by the ground engineers.)



************************************************** ******************************

P> Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S> Almost replaced left inside main tyre

************************************************** *****************************

P> Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough

S> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

************************************************** *****************************

P> Something loose in cockpit

S> Something tightened in cockpit

************************************************** ****************************

P> Dead bugs on windshield

S> Live bugs on back-order

************************************************** ****************************

P> Autopilot in altitude-hold produces a 200 feet per minute decent

S> Cannot reproduce problem on ground

************************************************** ****************************

P> Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

S> Evidence of leak removed

************************************************** *****************************

P> DME volume unbelievably loud

S> DME volume set to a more believable volume

************************************************** ****************************

P> Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

S> That's what they're there for

************************************************** ***************************

P> IFF inoperative

S> IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

************************************************** ***************************

P> Suspected crack in windshield

S> Suspect your right

************************************************** ***************************

P> Number 3 engine missing

S> Engine found on right wing after brief search

************************************************** **************************

P> Aircraft handles funny

S> Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

************************************************** **************************

P> Target radar hums

S> Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

************************************************** *************************

P> Mouse in cockpit

S> Cat installed

************************************************** **************************

P> Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S> Took hammer away from midget.

16vmarc

Football in Heaven





TWO old men - Bert and Sid - were sitting on a park bench.



Bert turns to Sid and says, "Do you think there are football teams in Heaven?"



Sid thinks for a minute and replies: "I don't know, mate, but let's make a deal. Whichever of us dies first has to come back and tell the other if there's any football in Heaven."





They shake on it, and, sadly, a few months later, poor Bert passes on.



Some days afterwards, Sid is sitting in the park when he hears a voice whisper, "Sid... Sid..."



Sid responds," Bert! Is that you?"



"Yes, it is," whispers the spirit of Bert.



Sid, still amazed, asks, "So there is football in Heaven?"



"Well," whispers Bert, "I've got good news and bad news."



"Give me the good news first," says Sid.



Bert whispers," Well, there is football in Heaven."



Sid asks, "And what's the bad news?"



Bert sighs and whispers," You're playing next Saturday."

Tiggs

lomurialtapskbbpst


(load of made up rubbsih in a lake and ppl should know better before posting such twaddle!)