Rags

Bit of a **** situation this one..

So i've been seeing a lovely girl for over a year, absolute quality, can't fault her. I Was in the states for 6 months from last July she came to live with me for 6 weeks and we got on like a house on fire. Saw her at christmas and then she came to see me in February again in the states.

In March I moved to Japan for 8 months, thinking after this I would be back in sunny England. seen her a couple of times since then as I had to go back because of my visa running out.

However got offered a cracking job in the states with enough jhonny cash for nice apartment and a brand spanking new STI! bonus!! (hence me being on this forum) way to good an opportunity to turn down!

Only problem being the bird can't get a visa unless were married(only been seeing her a year), only other option is for her to go college in the states. The 6 month tourist visa option is crap as after a couple of times the US will clock on and refuse to grant it. plus she can't work over here if we take that option.

So looks like somethings got to give.. and right now it looks like its going to be her. The thing is id be truelly gutted :-(

My question is does anyone know enough about the US immigration system for me to find a way around this without having to a)marry her or b)end it

Right now i really don't want to do either! I know some of you would say" if your that bothered just bloody marry her", but i really don't think im ready and it would be a big mistake!

all ideas welcome...

Rags

carl

Sounds like an ideal girl to marry...

Mice_Elf

Is the job in the US permanent or would you move across the world again in a few months?

If it's permanent then see if she wants to / can find a job in the US as well. Will her work sponsor her or is she a student? If she's the latter, then college would be a good medium to get over there and see if she can cope for 6 months. If yes, she applies again and gets a part time job to pay for her own apartment.

Rags

Yep job in the states is a permenant one. She is still a student, at college at the mo. The thing about being a student in the states is that it costs a shed load more cash than it does here to go! so i'm not sure if she could afford it to be honest.

boxst

Rags:

Well, you could pay the shortfall if the job is so well paid?

Steve.

brybusa

Never,ever marry a girl after a year, its not even like you've lived with her for a year.

You both dont know each other well enough

If you did, and it went wrong, she could well be having half your STi and luxury apartment in a short time..........

Peanuts

iTrader: (15)

get on the green card lottery, in the back of all the magazines.

keep entering until you win, then hey presto.
or,
marry her, it'd be like a marriage of convenience, only cooler, cos you like her and might get some.
then after another year you can drop the convenience and get on with rowing and fighting like the rest of us!

Rags

boxst
Agreed i could pay, but what if it goes t*ts up after a little while just like brybusa says she would get half of i what i've got and i'd get... well a lot less than id had.

Diablo

The fact that you asked the question in the first place suggests to me that you don't see a long term future with this girl.

If you did, it would be a no brainer - you'd find some way of working it out (outwith bending the system, whether thats by marriage or other means), which would probably entail you're passing up on the US job.

So, on that basis, it would probably be better (for you both) to end it now and go with the job.

Dave T-S

Bit of a sweeping generalisation/blinkered attitude.....

I met a girl in 1978, we worked in offices 160 miles apart so most of our romance was carried out by internal mail and telephone. We went on to live together for 14 years....and calculated that we had spent just 25 hours actually in each other's company before we started to live together.

I met my wife in 1993, she came round one day after a couple of weeks and never went home again , we ended up best friends and soulmates and would still be together if she had not died of cancer last year.

So, you can't say what you said is true for everyone. What may not work for you may work for someone else If you are only worried about what might happen to your material possessions in the event of a breakup, you probably should not think about even entering into a relationship

MattW

Amen Dave

BTW - Nice to see you around here again.

OllyK

I don't know, I think people are getting a bit nervy about marriage these days. I have no interest in getting married, been with my current partner for almost 4 years now though and been living together for over 2. We are just happy as we are and we both see it as long term. The problem is that with things like immigration "partner" isn't good enough, you need to be married and you end up having your hand forced.

Dave T-S

Hi Matt
Thanks - just dropped by.....

Would also add to my earlier post, I met someone else earlier this year and have been going out with her for five months. She's very nice, we get on well, and by coincidence her husband also died of cancer (on Sept 11, 2001, nice timing) so we totally understand where the other is coming from. Just taking things easy and enjoying each others company as I promised myself after last year that 2004 would be a year to try and enjoy myself.

The moral of this bit is that you can go through a **** period, but good can come out of it, particularly if you are positive and make the most of things. Not everything in life is negative

Senior_AP

Rags - depends what is more important to you. Your lovely girlfriend or a 'job'.

Tough one but I work to live, not live to work so I'd stay with the girl if I really liked her that much.

SiPie

What a load of total p1sh

If it's right .. it's right and you know it

Well said Dave T-S and glad to hear you are doin' ok

Richard Askew

Or you could drop everything for her, get engaged, be in love for 3 years and then she dumps you for no apparent reason.......


...Bitter? Moi?



Live life for yourself mate - if you dont you'll just get used and **** on...

[/cynic]

Senior_AP

Yep, deffo bitter!! I see your point but thats the rsik we take.

Steve Whitehorn

iTrader: (13)

I know it's hurting you mate inside to leave her.
Do it.
Move on.
Think of all the other positive stuff to come in life.
Best of luck
Steve

Mice_Elf

Just out of interest, have you asked your g/f what she wants or how she feels about the situation?

sleeka

How long has she got left at college?

Could she not visit you during her hols like she has been, then once she is done at college go over to the states for 6 months and see how things go?

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Is it more than just the Job?

I mean that by generally I would never let a job interfere with my personal/social interests (probably what holds me back....but it's my life...not my employers).

If the moving to states permanently is your lifelong ambition, and the job something you really love to do. Then I can see this is going to be a problem.

What does your girlfriend want to do? If she doesn't want to live in the states, then I think that may have answered the question. If she does, and wants to study - is a little wait up on getting the STi and paying for college fees yourself that hard? If you like her that much you wouldn't question it.

First port of call is to get 100% clued up on US immigration, especially with the current affairs that are going on you need to ensure the advice you are given is up to date. That I can't help with, but I think there is 1 or 2 users who are on here who have emmigrated to the states so perhaps they have some incite.

Markus

I can understand the situation, getting a visa for someone you're not married/engaged to is not easy, and getting a company to sponsor you, well, that's not much fun either. There is also the other factor of you two, in effect, being 'alone' when out there. OK, if you make friends quick then groovy, however, you might not, for whatever reason, so there would be just the two of you, and that could, possibly put a strain on the relationship, she could possibly resent you for bringing her out there, again, not nice.

you have to think very seriously about what you're going to do. Now, I could say I'd not marry her to get a visa, but me being me, I'm a loony so probably would, then watch it all come down in flames a few months later (pessimist? moi? ) Then again, i could be totally wrong and it could last forever.

Sometimes, hard and soul destroying as it might be, you each have to go your own way. Trust me, I know it's not an easy decision and you might look back and regret it, then again, you might not.

sleeka

if you love something you should let it go, and if it comes back then its meant to be. (or something like that!!! )

Rags

thanks everyone for all your comments.. nice to see we all think differently on this one.

What i should have made a bit clearer in the first place is that i have already lived in the states.. i was there for 7 months last year until march this year just outside Boston and i loved every second of it... the place, the standard of living, the people( yes lazy i know) were really great and i made alot of great friends. who i still talk to almost everyday.

When i was offered the job my girlfriend was still in the states with me and we sat and talked about it. My first reaction was an instant yes and she was very happy for me and also wanted to move. We then found out about the whole visa issue for her and perhaps a little naively said" deal with it later on" well now its later on and were having to deal with it.

For those who say am i sure its what i want??.. i can honestly answer YES. im only 24 so young enough that if i dont like it i can move back. All my family and friends saiy i should go and are all already planning to come visit. I know its going to be hard but to be honest ive been away from Coventry for over a year now and the only things i do miss about england are family and friends. But there comes a point where everyone has to start there own life outside their friends and i think this is my time. Everytime i go back they all seem to be doing there own thing and its not the same as a couple of years ago.

Back to the point of my girlfriend. I know deep down as much as i feel for her im not ready to marry her, its as simple as that. If we had a few more years together who knows. The difficulty being ive only seen her for about 20 weeks of the past year so as much as i feel for her we still dont know everything about each other, it would be a foolish decision to make.

I know as much as i can about the US immigration as my company are doing all that.. hey you never know there may be no need for all this as come october when i move i might get turned down for my US visa!!!!!!

Patriot

mmmmmm.......she could stay at my place until you can sort yourself out..

fitzscoob

If the job is that well paid, would you not be able to support her? How long can someone stay 'on holiday' for? If she is not working and earning is there a time limit she can stay for?

Jaybird-UK

What if she is 'the one' ? - Are you prepared to walk away from that?

Tourist visa is 90 days, could she come over and make a decision in a further 3 months?

We exchange a few amount of staff on J1 visa's for up to 18months as part of their training, would your company be prepared to offer her employment over there?

Immigration law link

Brendan Hughes

6 mths, and even a year, of you two living together would give you a good idea if you want to get married or not. You can do that if you earn enough to keep her. If you don't want her to go stir crazy, she can study, either in the US system, or something like Open University. Why should you marry now when you have that option to delay?

Good luck.

deano

Put her picture up... I will tell you if she's worth it

Brun