Reib

Hey guys,

I just thought I'd ask this question as when I was in New York last week I met the most amazing girl ever. Her name is Courtney and she is from the US.

Well, as most of you know, I'm from the UK so it is kind of a long distance relationship. I have spoken to her everyday via email and text message, and as soon as I get a calling card, I will call her too.

Now, I'm not usually one to believe in love at first sight/fate etc, but I honestly think me and her were made for each other. We got on so well and had loads of things in common. I'm just about to book a flight out to the US again for June time to see her especially, and she may do in July to visit me in England.

So, I know you guys don't know me or her, but in your experiences etc, do you think long distance relationships work/have they worked for you? I really hope it does, I'm crazy about her....I've had holiday romances before, but this one is different.

LG John

There are long distance relationships and then there are l o n g d i s t a n c e relationships It seems to me that for both your sakes you either have to a) forget about each other as its too far to work out. Or b) do something crazy like meet up a few times physically in the next few months, talk loads on email, phone, etc and then 'jump in' (i.e. one of you moves) if those 6 months make you grow to like each other more Its like holding pocket 9s and someone is raising big into you. You are either folding or going all in - you sure as hell are not d!cking around paying to see a flop.

dpb

..is she crazy bout you too , would require large commitment on both sides !! lol Dr saxo turn o phrase -think hes right tho

Reib

Yeah, she says she is too mate. I would be willing to move out there if needed to be

Cheers for the replies guys.

Madjay2

i hope it does work out mate, as i think everyone deserves to fall in love. as yet i aint and even though im still very young and got plenty of time its bugs the life out me

imlach

Yeah......pokeher.

Freak

And there was me moaning that the bird i like lives about 100 miles away.... thats another league....lol

milo

depending on the type of people you both are, a long distance relationship can enable you both to communicate really well right from day 1. in fact, you're forced to.

of course, if you're the types of people that are constantly wanting to go out and aren't really into sitting and chatting, then it's probably doomed to fail frankly.

but if you're both non-jealous types who would enjoy sitting and talking to each other on the phone, and you do see that there's a future, then go for it. coming from different countries you probably have a ton to talk about anyways.

ive had 2 long distance relationships (both were long distance for a few months, then we moved in together). one i lived with for a few years. the other im living with currently.

so yeah, they can work. they can fail too. i doubt there's too much difference it terms of success/failure rate between long-distance and regular relationships.

people seem to say "long distance relationships rarely work"... but then neither do regular ones.

DaveR

my girl went to teach English in Japan for a year.
It was tough, but we spoke every couple days on the phone and I went out there to see her twice (seriously great place for a hol!)
...now she's back and we're still together.
I hope this encourages you, if you really want to go for it

letdown

I think I remember her Dave !!!

LG John

"Yeah......pokeher" - LMAO

BMWhere?

I had a long distance relationship with a girl in Stoke while I was living in Germany. Was a bit of a pain in the ar$e having to travel all the time. I used to go back about once a month, either to Stoke or Preston and she would travel up too. She only came over to Germany about twice a year to see me . Relationship worked really well for about two years although it was quite frustrating sometimes Eventually I gave in and moved back to the UK, although I was still in the Preston area but we were able to see each other most weekends. This is when I really got to know her and after six months I realised that I really didn't like her so dumped her and moved back to Germany.

The point is, with a long distance relationship, when its long distance from the start, its impossible to really get to know someone. When you travel to see each other, there's a certain amount of excitement in the travelling thing and because you have little time together you make the most of it. But you don't see the real life side of the relationship and the day to day living which you may or may not actually like in each other.

I would say go for it as its better to regret something you have done than something you havn't. You can meet a few times and decide it was a waste of time, but nocking it on the head now, you will allways wonder "what if?" and that may cause problems in other relationships.

I would avoid keeping it long distance for too long though. Better to move to the US as soon as you are confident that the relationship is worth trying for. In fact its probably a good idea to leave the UK anyway

Hope thats of some help to you!

Brendan Hughes

I was usually on a different continent to my girlfriend for 4 years. We finally got married, it's great.

Note: that's the summary. For details of astronomical phone bills, multiple break-ups and reunions, other "almost" girlfriends in the middle, visa problems, job relocations etc, you'll have to read my autobiography volumes 3 and 4....

coulty

lol @ brendan

I want the full volumes will make good bedtime reading!

I had a long distance relationship with a girl in the usa. It was great for 9 months, yes the excitment of a few days together is great! But unless you try to live with her everyday (not meaning actually live but see each other etc) then you will will not really know if it will work long term. I have been with my girl now for over 3 years (2 years living together) and the hard work on the relationship begins then!

However i would have regretted not trying the usa thing if i had not done it so if you have the will (and money!) then go for it...give it a try!

Good luck
Stuart

RichWalk

No, IMHO, takes too much energy/time & money.

Good Luck with your decision.

weapon69

I don't think long distance relationships work either. Maybe for a few months its fine but i don't think it would work after a year or so. I used to live about 130miles away from my bf and if i hadn't moved in with him there is no doubt we would have gone our separate ways due to the travelling involved and the different things we have in our lives anyway.

Good luck.

Fatman

In my experience no, they don't work. It probably depends on the type of person. Hopefully it'll work out for you.

Drunken Bungle Whore

Life's too short to worry about what anyone else thinks - if you both want to go for it, then go for it - and good luck to you!!

(And i never believed in love at first site either, until one fateful night at Staines rugby club....)

andys

Hmm,

Well I was in long distance relationship with an American woman. There are a number of things to take in to account. The first one I guess is imigration. You can not just go an live in the states because you have an America girlfriend. You will need a visa which are not the easyest of things to get hold off. Oh and its just as hard for her to come here.
We ended up getting married in the end as it was the only way to be together. Even now i do not have automatic right to work in the states.

Andy

image doctor

Whatever happens - sex is the best!

Getting **** is never a problem in a long distance relationship.....actually thinking back, that was the first time I ever sampled the art of ****.

id

Markus

I dated a lovely girl who lived in Dublin (me in south east england) so that was long distance to me. Was sometimes difficult as it's not like you can just pop round the corner when you want to see each other, but it did seem to work. It didn't end due to the distance that I am sure of.

Now, trans-atlantic relationships, that's a little more difficult. They say that love knows no boundries and perhaps that is true, but your bank balance will tell you differently! I think Kenny has hit it right on the head, you need to talk seriously about all this and meet up, get her to come over here, if she won't then that might tell you something, horrible to say I know.

If you intend to move over there, as Andy has said it aint easy. Hell, I was trying to get a work permit in the USA as an inter-company transferee and they would not have it! The USA is really funny about letting in people who don't have jobs to go to, and saying you're moving there because of a girl will make the humorless immigration offical look at you funny. You have to think very very seriously about what you want to do. If she's to come over here, similar problems will apply. It aint easy.

I'm working in Canada at the moment and my visa is bound to my job, so if I leave the job, I'm fecked, I have to leave the country, and this does worry me, as if I meet a lovely lass then I may have to leave and I'd be rather upset if I had to do that. I have to be here at least 3 years before I can become a perm resident, which would mean I did not need the visa. I'm also fairly sure that even getting married would not entitle me to stay or work over here.

So, all in all, a lot to think about.

Reib

Excellent! Cheers for your replies/advice guys. I really wanna make a go of this and your help/advice is really appreciated

It's really good to know that other people have done it and it has worked out fine for them. My mates all around me have never done this before so I couldn't ask them.

Again, thanks guys

Brendan Hughes

Reib - step one: SUBSCRIBE TO ONE.TEL (or equivalent). You'll save a fortune...

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

I hope the film on the flight back to Blighty wasn't Love Actually, you'd have been on the next flight back LOL

In fact don't watch it, every time do do you'll spend a fortune

and that Hugh **** is in it......

Markus

Good advice there from Brendan. I used Alphatelecom, as I forgot my dad had some cheapo thing for international calls, doh!

Oh and best of luck with this! hope it works out for you two

And yes, I'm an old romantic at heart

GC8

And I thought that Sheffield to Plymouth was a bitch!

Jerome

Further to Markus' comments (which are all spot on), moving across the Atlantic is a significant move in many ways - I moved to Canada last June. The US (& Canada) and the UK are more different than you may realise from a quick holiday or trip.

First to consider is your family and friends. Will you be able to cope with only seeing them as often as funds/practicality permit? My gf moved from Canada to the UK for 9 years and missed her family terribly - despite them being the main reason she left Canada in the first place.

Consider the whole immigration thing very carefully. I could only move to Canada so easily because I was born here. Even if you do get a visa for the US, immigration don't need much of an excuse to send you back.

You will have to get US driving licences etc. Also, if applicable, your professional UK qualifications may not be recognised. You may have to pay a Univeristy to supply you with equivalency certificates. For some things (like being an Electrician) you will have to qualify from scratch.

If you do decide to take the plunge, see if you can get a job in NY from the UK. Many big firms out there have departments for getting internationally sourced employees a green card.

You will have to start from scratch with respect to all your finances. You will start with no credit rating and will have to build up from there. Paying any UK loans/finance etc is a pain in the **** from across the pond - not to mention expensive. Some credit cards (like Egg) insist you pay your bills from a UK account as well.

Consider the praticalities of all your belongings. Will you put them in storage/bin them/take them with you? You can't really bring many electronic/electrical goods because the voltage is different - unless you get an adapter (bulky) for each appliance.

It may seem minor (but could be irritating for some), get used to the fact that you will be asked to say things in "English" because they may not understand your accent. You will have to get used to using US terminology for things because they won't understand you otherwise. They do not use the word "queue" for instance, and don't/won't understand it.

You will need a fund for paying for (expensive) flights back to the UK in the case of an emergency.

Most companies in the US only give 2 weeks leave a year (some only 1 week for new employees). You will have more longer weekends though.

I hope you like long haul flights as well.

There are probably many other things I've not thought of, but hopefully food for thought. I'm certainly not trying to put you off, just letting you know what you may be letting yourself in for. Good luck, whatever you both decide to do.

Brendan Hughes

Here's a laugh - found http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0759496.html which gives air mile distances between major cities. I've had to use Shanghai for Ulaanbaatar and Washington DC for good old Athens OH, but it came up with this:

(Me / her / distance):

Ulaanbaatar / Ulaanbaatar / 0
London / Ulaanbaatar / 5715
Moscow / Ulaanbaatar / 4235
Moscow / Ohio / 4858
Lisbon / Ohio / 3562
Lisbon / Lisbon / 0

hey, I could have picked a Kiwi or an Argentine

Markus

Jerome - Hello there. You're in Toronto area right? We should meet up for a pint at some point (meant to mention that on the snow picture thread ages ago).

I have to echo exactly what Jerome has said, he's listed everything I have had problems with. The biggest being finances. I do have a loan in the UK and the exchange rate is a nightmare, not too bad when it dipped to 2.1, but now it's back up to 2.5, it's a bitch. I have two bank accounts, an HSBC one, which allows me to transfer back to the UK, online, which is a god-send, and another TD Canada, which is my main one. They won't trasfer internationaly online nor to another Canadian financial instituation online bit of a pain, but hey ho.


The "english" thing pisses me off too. I have walked into KFC and they stare at me blankly, like they cannot understand me. it's weird. Canada is not so bad, the US was really bad, they kept thinking I was austrailan? WTF?

The terminology, I'm ok with, have been for years, as my grandpappy lived in Chicago and my Uncle lives in NYC, so I've always been exposed to the americanisation of things, plus the job means I deal mainly with americans so I've had to learn to speak inproperly though, as said above, sometimes it still don't work. Oh and if I hear another fecking person call it an Jagwire X-Type I'm going to knock them out, oh, and ask em how to say Hyundai! lol

I am very lucky in that I am working for the same company as I did in blighty, so no real worries on the job front. I don't think I'd have made the move otherwise, would have been much harder.

At first I did not think I'd miss friends and family, but I do! Miss the old scoobysnacks gang, along with the east/west sussex and surrey people, plus other associated muppets. Mum and Dad love the US and Canada so they've been out already, and my brother is well up for coming out (he just wants to 'do' NYC, so we'll jet off down there at some point this year)

It's certainly not a decision to take lightly, but if you really want to give it a go then get in there! yeah there have been days when I have thought this is the worst thing I've ever done, then you wake up and find it's great.

I do come across as being very blasé about it all, which has led some to think I do not think I'm lucky, but I am, very lucky, to have been given the chance to do this. the blasé thing is simply because for the past 3 years I've flown to the US countless times on business so the whole long haul thing becomes a little trivial, it's not the same as a flight to florida for a holiday.

Brendan, glad you did not pick a Kiwi, talk about moaning! but that said, I am told this by an ozzie, well, daughter of an ozzie, friend of mine and they are not known for love of kiwi's

Jerome

Hey Markus, that pint idea sounds good.

LOL at Jagwaar and Hun Die

I forgot to mention that it irritates the crap out of me that I have to call football "soccer".

If someone asks me what part of Australia/NZ/S.Africa I'm from, I say "England".