grovesy

Do any of you fall into these categories


Barbody - The most common gym lurker. As the name implies, this guy works on muscles to show off at the bar, with purpose of impressing chicks or intimidating pencil necks. Usually, it’s a young guy between 15-25 years old, who’s at the gym working on every upper body muscle he can see from the front. The routine consists of endless curls, bench presses, pushdowns and seated presses. Once in a while you see him throw in a few lat pull downs and crunches just for fun.

Chat Boy - This type of guy is rare, but you don’t want to run into him. Chat boy wants to discuss lifting, eating, or life in general with you, often in great detail. Now, I have nothing against conversation, especially workout talk, but chat boy doesn’t know when to stop and turns a one-hour workout into two.

Rocky Jr. - I'm all for boxing, I think it's a great way to stay fit and relieve tension. What I don't get is the guy shadowboxing in front of the dumbbells. My gym has no boxing equipment, not even a place to jump rope, yet Rocky comes here three times a week to get ready for Apollo. Here's a hint: it's not that kind of gym.

Mutterer - This guy loads the bar up with way too much weight, eekes out 3 reps with bad form and then mutters “****”, loudly, after his set prematurely ends. He’s under the impression that everyone CARES how much he’s lifting and wants us to know that any other day he could have made the lift. If you see this, make sure to avoid eye contact, otherwise you'll end up hearing a lengthy, bull**** explanation for the travesty you just witnessed.

Mr. Scream - No matter what weight this guy is using, or what rep he’s on, he feels the need to share his pain with us. A certain amount of noise is understandable, and even expected on certain movements (i.e. squats), but nobody wants to hear you yell through 4 sets of pushdowns.

The Hurler - Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with puking. This guy feels the need to launch any weight he’s just finished using, especially dumbbells, onto the floor. Not only is this a hazard for anyone near him, it breaks down the dumbbells. Losing control when lowering weights might happen once in while, but launching the weights so everyone can look and see how much you used is pathetic.

The Tag Team - I thought this one was over-stated by everyone, until I joined my latest gym. The team, as the name implies, is actually two guys working together to lift the same weight. This is almost always on the bench press, where one guy loads the bar up and his friend helps him pull every rep after the second one. I’ve even seen instances where a guy was helped on all of his reps. Rhetorical question time: If you need help to bench 400 lbs, do you really bench 400?

The Entourage - Another one that borders on cliché: You’ve seen this: a group of guys –– usually high school to early 20’s – lifting together. They almost always congregate at the bench or preacher station. They hog up this area without seeming to do any work. They’re more interested in what party they’re going to or which chick they’re trying to score with. Lord help you if you want to bench when they’re around.

Cable Guy - This guy, for one reason or another, LIVES by the cable stack. Maybe he thinks they’re better or safer or maybe he just misses his Bowflex. Either way, cable cross-overs, cable curls, cable crunches and cable lateral raises do not a workout make.

The Jackass - I couldn’t think of more appropriate name for the guy who loads up a bar or machine, does his reps and leaves it. The next person is then stuck with the task of unloading the 300lbs his friend just helped him bench. I get pissed just thinking about it.

Mr. Smith - Have you ever seen anyone base his entire workout around the Smith Machine? Most savvy lifters are well versed in the limitations (and evils) of the Smith machine. However, Mr. Smith treats it like a long lost relative and tries to spend as much time on or around it as possible. Bench press? Check. Squat? Check. Incline press? Check. Upright row and lean way back? Check. Extra shearing on his joints? Check. Injury? On it’s way.

Mr. Clean... and Curl - Having invented a new exercise, the reverse hang-clean, Mr. Clean sports impressive strength and muscularity in the hips and lower back. Oh wait, he was curling…

The Wanderer - This guy combines his love of walking with weightlifting. His routine: load the bar up, do a set, walk around the gym for 10 minutes and repeat 4 or 5 times. My favorite is when they load up a bar, leave it in the squat rack and come back and curl it. Same amount of time – twice the jackass.

The Orthopedist’s Dream - Closely related to Mr. Smith (I’m sure they’ll end up in the same waiting room sooner or later) is the Dream. Let’s see: he squats onto a chair and bounces back up, deadlifts like he’s waiting to be mounted and benches with an arch you could drive a Mini Cooper through. Hey buddy, hear that crackling noise? It's your spine.


Dance Fever - Every time I see Dance in my gym he's either on his way to, or coming out of an aerobic class. Sometimes I think he does it to meet chicks, but then I remember his stylin’ headband and Richard Simmons-like build. I'm all for cardiovascular fitness, but I believe that unless it involves hitting something, men do not belong in aerobic classes. The only Fonda you should even think about imitating is Peter, although I would not recommend his previous "supplementation."

Shortshorts - See Tightpants above. And, if they were once jeans, shoot yourself.

Rack and Roller - This has to be seen to be believed: this guy goes to the dumbbell rack, picks the dumbbells off the rack, places them on the floor and then rolls them to whatever bench he’s working on. When he’s done, he rolls them back. It’s a good thing too... I mean I wouldn’t want him to exert himself.

Charlie Bandana - Charlie shows up to the gym in clothes that would embarrass Hulk Hogan. Apparently, he learned everything he knows about gym attire from reading Flex ... in 1986. The bandana, clown pants and ****kicker boots are bad enough, but it's the silly muscle T-shirts (Fear This!) that really push him over the top. I'm sure he feels ultra hardcore, but he looks like a tool.

Right Tackle - 20 years ago Right Tackle dominated the field on his high school football team. I know this because I've heard him tell his story at least 50 times. It's either right before or right after he looks in your direction and says: "I used to lift more than this." Every time a young guy with a decent build comes near him he asks, "You play football?" This inevitably leads to a re-telling of RT's past glories. Hey buddy, leave the kids alone -- it's over.

Treadswill - It's bad enough to watch people bounce the bar off their chests and squat 2 inches down, but now I have to see cheating during cardio?!?! Because walking at 3 MPH is apparently tiring and too stressful, Treadswill eases his pain by leaning onto the display column to support his bulbous form. What the hell's wrong with you when even walking fast is too hard?

The Scholar - I see guys carry bodybuilding mags around the gym all the time. Usually they're trying to follow some bull**** 30 set routine; I feel bad for them but it doesn't really bother me. What irritates me is the guy reading a book in between sets. You shouldn't be able to talk between sets, much less have the ability to read a book. I mean, if you're not going to put real effort in, then why bother in the first place? Last time I checked there were no studies showing that reading Dune is anabolic.

Mr. Natswole - The biggest "natural" guy in the gym. I have no problems with gear, but watching moonface talk about the virtues of being natural and how it was training "***** to the wall" that got him big really gets to me. Nobody's asking for a confession, but if you're juicing don't try to present yourself as something you're not. Unless, of course, your name is Skip...

Dumbellina - Okay, I know I said this would be about guys, but I'm sure at least one woman will read this. Anyway, Dumbellina is the epitome of what women shouldn't be doing in the gym. Her entire workout revolves around those tiny cast iron dumbbells that wouldn't give a toddler a good workout. I'm not sure what's she's doing with them, but it looks like her goal is to one day flap her arms and take to the sky. One of these days, I expect to see her gracefully soaring over the parking lot. The good thing is, I'm sure those nasty weights won't make her too big.

Desperado - Every gym has at least one of these guys, whose sole purpose at the gym is to search for someone to rub up against. His habits of constantly leering at, hitting on, or "accidentally" bumping into the female members make him a nuisance. One of these days he's going to bump the wrong girl and end with 25lb plate sticking in the side of his head.

Baby Huey - Here's one for the younger guys. Huey's claim to fame is that he mocks all of his scrawny classmates at my gym for the weights they use. Being a skinny teenager is hard enough and I'm sure getting to the gym takes some ***** for these guys. What they don't need is verbal abuse from some doofus who just happened to be born big, fat and strong. He's another one that will eventually screw with wrong person and have his *** handed to him.

Coach - Coach has somehow managed talk his girlfriend into going to the gym and letting him train her. Unfortunately, he thinks she needs to follow his "hardcore" training methods. It's almost comical listening to him tell her that leg pressing is for sissies. It's even funnier to listen to him correct her out loud for wanting to "tone up." Hey pal, she doesn't care if "getting toned" is a misnomer -- she just wants to look good. She squats with better form than you anyway...

milo

lol.. most of those are at gyms ive been to in the past

which is why i work out in my home dungeon now

super_si

The Wanderer - This guy combines his love of walking with weightlifting. His routine: load the bar up, do a set, walk around the gym for 10 minutes and repeat 4 or 5 times. My favorite is when they load up a bar, leave it in the squat rack and come back and curl it. Same amount of time – twice the jackass

Sounda bout right

grovesy

The Coach has joined my gym. He's a complete to$$er and he drags his fat ugly wife round with him. You can tell all she wants to do is areobics but he makes her bench press every sesstion. And its just so he can show her how much he can lift well done mate I can to can bench more than my lass

Pbr

LMAO, so true. Anyone who's a gym regular will recognise the truth in all this. I would just add one more: The Fanboy - This irritating creature will insist on having the fans in the gym turned on in the middle of the winters coldest spell. You know how it is, you walk into the gym in the morning in January and it's cold, so cold you keep your sweatshirt on for the first half of your routine so you can warm up. This is when fanboy will be waiting to direct blasts of cold air through the gym to spoil your warm up efforts, ahh the amount of times I've pulled the fans plug out of the wall in sheer annoyance at this malarkey.

TelBoy

LOL, nice!!

I could add others - the BO merchants for one. Have these people *never* heard of soap??

mo,s scoobymonster

yeah theres one other guy oldskool dude he comes in dressed like hes from the 70 or 80's he starts doing all these old excercises that you can see are killing his joints but he knows the good old ways and tries to come up to you and convince you these are good for you

grovesy

Hear you TelStanky - Stanky, for lack of a better term, stank. It wasn't a natural,”I just busted my *** and sweated a fountain” type of odor – it was more of a festering pile of sewage smell that assaulted the nose. I'm pretty sure that he didn't wash himself, his gym clothes, his underwear -- or most likely all three. I could smell him coming and it was bad enough that if he worked next to me, I would finish what I was doing quickly and run for oxygen.

Mr. Smith - Have you ever seen anyone base his entire workout around the Smith Machine? Most savvy lifters are well versed in the limitations (and evils) of the Smith machine. However, Mr. Smith treats it like a long lost relative and tries to spend as much time on or around it as possible. Bench press? Check. Squat? Check. Incline press? Check. Upright row and lean way back? Check. Extra shearing on his joints? Check. Injury? On it’s way.

kammy

lol or theres the "six-pack/biecep/chest only boys", they come in for a few weeks, usually just after xmas or just before the summer vaction. They train, take creatine as in their minds makes than as BIG as one of there friends who took it (usually Andy), and gainned 5 stonne. Wear muscle vests and in between there 76th precher curl set (which usually is the same weight i used for my dumb-bell press, to prove they are more macho than me) , stand in front of the mirror and perform the stance of holdng your arms in "L" shapes at shoulder height, and say the words "ive gainned soo much muscle now." bloody hell fellers, if your routine works soo well, im binning Bill pearls book!
P.S nice to see some fellow lifters,keep up the hard work!

super_si

When i go Event training. theres a gimp with a headband on. thats hillarious

Si

andrewdelvard

Some of the women in full make up...Always gives me a giggle.

yoza

Dont forget rule number 1........

Whatever machine you are on, whatever weight your using. ALWAYS move the pin to the bottom of the stack, then move on to the next machine.

Dont get caught though....

As for "do you fall into any of these catergories?"
Yes, I can see a bit of me in all of them....

You forgot to mention the "**** watchers", 20 mins in the gym, 2hrs in the changing rooms. And no I cant see a bit of myself in this catergory.

What catergory do the lads who wear all the gear falling into?
You know, the ones with the muscle vests on, with muscle beach logo, and the mad paterned baggie pants, sweat bands, over sized belts, gloves with hooks on, baseball caps(the wrong way round), grab straps, knee straps and the obligatory 2litre lucozade (waterbottles).

Oh yeah, thats right ............w4nkers!

Later Yoza(the leotard wearer)

super_si

lol yeah thats funny too.

saying that ive started wearing warm shorts lol under my shorts. Stops cramps

grovesy

There's two blokes just joined my gym and they fall into most of the above. They have them stupid deck chair pants, 5 Vests, 4 T shirts and 2 Muscle beach jumpers to make them look big. Oh yeah and head bands wanka's.

"Whatever machine you are on, whatever weight your using. ALWAYS move the pin to the bottom of the stack, then move on to the next machine." I have never done that well not recently.

PS

NOthing wrong with the birds in full make up... they do more than make me giggle

super_si

I get funny looks walking in with a piece scaffold

grovesy

Is that because its wider than you SI

super_si

hahahaha nar

Hows your training coming along ***** body builders?

grovesy

Not bad seem to have a good 6-8 weeks then have a break due to work or whatever and find it hard to get back into it. Lifting enough to keep me happy at the min though

super_si

Thats alright then

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

PMSL @ yoza!

Pbr

I have to suffer several stinkers at my gym as well, how come if everyone else can smell it they can't? Worse: one of them leaves flecks of dandruff on the bench, usually before I want to use it.

Dave!

I've got to admit to being a bit of a 'rack and roller' occasionally.....but only with the 50kg plus :-)

D.

super_si

1st Injury of the year. Pulled side Lateral.

Not much skin left on fore arm's from atlas stones either

grovesy

What wieght are the stone's SI ?

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

Well done Si... Does that beat last years record? Congratulations mate!!

ChrisB

Oooo, we have plenty of them. I've seen girls wear less make up when out on the pull. After a CV session I usually look vile Girl finishing a spinning class the other week and looked like she'd just had a make over

What's the name for tossers who take a plate off the bar when you're half way through a set of bench pressers (so they can use it as a free weight)?

LG John

ROTFLMAO So much of that is so true.

There is another category I my gym: Bufty Boys This pair come in and pump together switching in between sets. Hairy muff if it wasn't for the little affectionate words of encouragement or rather intimate looking touches whilst passing weights between each other!

grovesy

Used to go to a gym with 2 in like that. One had a pony a tale and used to ware fake tan, cyling shorts and a bum bag.

I only went for a week then left.

PPPMAT

PLenty of coaches at my Gym. Also coach party's, with one guy and a couple of girls all doing hardcore routines. Never understood why that would be desirable for a woman unless they really do want to gain mass. They don't really look like serious builders to me though