Funny text messages you have sent or received...
12 February 2003, 07:03 PM
#1
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Two dyslexic bank robbers walk in to a bank
shouting: Air in the hands motherstickers this is a
F**K up!!
[Edited by Ali Scott - 12/2/2003 7:22:58 PM]
shouting: Air in the hands motherstickers this is a
F**K up!!
[Edited by Ali Scott - 12/2/2003 7:22:58 PM]
19 November 2003, 01:26 PM
#2
OK, heres a few recent ones ive seen 
Im dead horny! You dont fancy a **** after work do you?
Carlsberg dont do text messages, but if they did, they'd be the best text messages in the world!
-----------------
If i said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me.
-----------------
If a woman is uncomfortable watching me ****, should she:-
a) Get to know me better?
b) Stop being such a ******* prude?
c) Sit somewhere else on the bus?
-------------------
The CPS aren't pressing charges on the premiership players accused of rape. Apparantly the girl rang room service and asked if she could have another 7up.
Im dead horny! You dont fancy a **** after work do you?
Carlsberg dont do text messages, but if they did, they'd be the best text messages in the world!
-----------------
If i said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me.
-----------------
If a woman is uncomfortable watching me ****, should she:-
a) Get to know me better?
b) Stop being such a ******* prude?
c) Sit somewhere else on the bus?
-------------------
The CPS aren't pressing charges on the premiership players accused of rape. Apparantly the girl rang room service and asked if she could have another 7up.
19 November 2003, 01:28 PM
#3
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Hmmmm, Something must be wrong becuase I keep getting this message:
But I only ever get the first line 
<wishes!
>
[Edited by Saxo Boy - 11/19/2003 1:28:46 PM]
Im dead horny! You dont fancy a **** after work do you?
Carlsberg dont do text messages, but if they did, they'd be the best text messages in the world!
Carlsberg dont do text messages, but if they did, they'd be the best text messages in the world!
<wishes!
>[Edited by Saxo Boy - 11/19/2003 1:28:46 PM]
19 November 2003, 02:12 PM
#7
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Good looks catch the eye but good personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both! FLATTERED? Don't be, it was sent to me-I just wanted you to read it!
--------------------------------
Psst! GORGEOUS!
Yes You!
UR smiling
coz I told u
UR GORGEOUS...
...Aaaaah!
Sometimes we need
2 lie 2 make
a f**kin ugly T**T smile.....
--------------------------------
Sorry i havent been in touch.I was rushed 2 hospital 2 have a dangerous mole removed from my *****.Wont b ******* 1 of those again!
--------------------------------
Do you remember that time on the train when I put my **** out the window, and everyone laughed. Then you put your head out, and everyone thought we were twins
--------------------------------
Have u
GOT A
* PEN *
<". ."(>
( (..) ) GET BACK IN IT U UGLY F**KIN PIG
--------------------------------
Congratulations! You have won the weight of your ***** in sweets, please contact the number below to collect your tic tac!
--------------------------------
Psst! GORGEOUS!
Yes You!
UR smiling
coz I told u
UR GORGEOUS...
...Aaaaah!
Sometimes we need
2 lie 2 make
a f**kin ugly T**T smile.....
--------------------------------
Sorry i havent been in touch.I was rushed 2 hospital 2 have a dangerous mole removed from my *****.Wont b ******* 1 of those again!
--------------------------------
Do you remember that time on the train when I put my **** out the window, and everyone laughed. Then you put your head out, and everyone thought we were twins
--------------------------------
Have u
GOT A
* PEN *
<
". ."(> ( (..) ) GET BACK IN IT U UGLY F**KIN PIG
--------------------------------
Congratulations! You have won the weight of your ***** in sweets, please contact the number below to collect your tic tac!
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19 November 2003, 02:37 PM
#9
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Funniest one I recall was sent by Lord Jeffery Wode (on here sometimes) to another of our mates.
He sent it at about 6am on Sat morning, and "Egg" (who received it) was asleep in bed at the time. He assumed it was his alarm, and got up. Got dressed, and then realised his mistake (as there was no-one else up). Went to his phone, spotted "1 message received" and opened it furiously... to read "Wakey wakey!"
Classic.
He sent it at about 6am on Sat morning, and "Egg" (who received it) was asleep in bed at the time. He assumed it was his alarm, and got up. Got dressed, and then realised his mistake (as there was no-one else up). Went to his phone, spotted "1 message received" and opened it furiously... to read "Wakey wakey!"
Classic.
19 November 2003, 02:48 PM
#10
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A mate got this a few weeks ago...
Message from Orange - Apologies for the inconvenience but the entire Orange network has gone down on everyone in the UK, except you - becuase who the f*ck would go down on you?
Message from Orange - Apologies for the inconvenience but the entire Orange network has gone down on everyone in the UK, except you - becuase who the f*ck would go down on you?
19 November 2003, 03:01 PM
#12
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And some of the more bizarre ones from mates:
"It was the usual story. girl meets sphincter, sphincter meets horse, horse meat's tasty."
"A raggamuffin voodoo goat stole my soul."
"I feel like a pig has shat an onion in my mouth and blown it back out my ****."
and from me "Worst text message...ever."
"It was the usual story. girl meets sphincter, sphincter meets horse, horse meat's tasty."
"A raggamuffin voodoo goat stole my soul."
"I feel like a pig has shat an onion in my mouth and blown it back out my ****."
and from me "Worst text message...ever."
19 November 2003, 03:05 PM
#13
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Bloke goes to the doctor with piece of lettuce sticking out of his ****. Doc says "that looks nasty". "Nasty?" says the bloke, "That's just the tip of the iceberg".
__________________
Little boy says to his mum "What's that dangly thing between a man's legs?" She says "a C*ck". Little boy says "What's a Cvnt then?" She replies "The rest of him".
__________________
[b]MOODS FOR MEN:
( ' )
/ / NO WORRIES!
/ /
( ))
(' )
/ / NO VITAMINS!
( ))
( ' )
/ / NO EXERCISE!
/ /
( ))
,--,
/ /(,) NO PVSSY!
( ))
__________________
Little boy says to his mum "What's that dangly thing between a man's legs?" She says "a C*ck". Little boy says "What's a Cvnt then?" She replies "The rest of him".
__________________
[b]MOODS FOR MEN:
( ' )
/ / NO WORRIES!
/ /
( ))
(' )
/ / NO VITAMINS!
( ))
( ' )
/ / NO EXERCISE!
/ /
( ))
,--,
/ /(,) NO PVSSY!
( ))
19 November 2003, 03:46 PM
#14
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Man goes down on a woman and says
‘**** that stinks’!
Woman says that will be my arthiritis.
He says, ‘what in your ****’, no she says, in my shoulder
I can’t wipe my ****!
A whdy kbd h nxchksa nsghfhbdc jhhflkjhwklf m,jghdkjfcd. Djhhbjsdjkhh
Kjkhc kjhdw kjhkjwn klod
Sender:
Stevie Wonder
+44123987643
REMEMBER:
Someone, somewhere in this world realises
How important you are & what a major contribution
you’ve made to life. Its not me, I think you’re a ****!
‘**** that stinks’!
Woman says that will be my arthiritis.
He says, ‘what in your ****’, no she says, in my shoulder
I can’t wipe my ****!
A whdy kbd h nxchksa nsghfhbdc jhhflkjhwklf m,jghdkjfcd. Djhhbjsdjkhh
Kjkhc kjhdw kjhkjwn klod
Sender:
Stevie Wonder
+44123987643
REMEMBER:
Someone, somewhere in this world realises
How important you are & what a major contribution
you’ve made to life. Its not me, I think you’re a ****!
19 November 2003, 03:47 PM
#15
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At this point 10 million fannies are being f*cked, 7 million are being licked, 3 million are soaking wet and one wee lonely c*nt is reading a txt message.
Remember somewhere in this world someone realises how important u are and what a major contributin you've made to life.
.....
It's not me, I think you're a tw*t
Remember somewhere in this world someone realises how important u are and what a major contributin you've made to life.
.....
It's not me, I think you're a tw*t
19 November 2003, 03:55 PM
#16
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NEWS FLASH
Police are looking for someone gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, funny and amazing ion bed. I'm safe, but where the **** are you gonna hide
A Woman is like a deck of cards......You need:
a heart to love her
a diamond to marry her
a club to smash her ******* head in
and a spade to burry the bitch!
You have to send this on to
1 person you like
1 person you hate
1 person you love
and 1 person you wanna ****
Now you have to figure out why I sent it to you!
Police are looking for someone gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, funny and amazing ion bed. I'm safe, but where the **** are you gonna hide
A Woman is like a deck of cards......You need:
a heart to love her
a diamond to marry her
a club to smash her ******* head in
and a spade to burry the bitch!
You have to send this on to
1 person you like
1 person you hate
1 person you love
and 1 person you wanna ****
Now you have to figure out why I sent it to you!
19 November 2003, 05:00 PM
#18
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Women comes back from the doctors
"He says I have the @rse and t1ts of an 18 yr old"
"What did he say about your 40 yr old ****?"
"He didn't mention you."
"He says I have the @rse and t1ts of an 18 yr old"
"What did he say about your 40 yr old ****?"
"He didn't mention you."
19 November 2003, 05:57 PM
#20
Scooby Regular
'Today is the international day for the mentally disabled. Please send an encouraging message to a mentally retarded friend, as I have done.'
'A Little girl saw 2 dogs ********.. her mum said they were baking cakes.. i know u n dad were baking cakes last nite cos i licked the icing off the sofa'
'Ten things men know about women;
1. They have a fanny.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Oh yes.... and T*TS
'Theres a pub called The Cockwell Inn, in Herbum Village near Tillet town. Lucy Lykes owns the pub. The address is
Lucy Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Herbum
Tillet
Herts.
News Flash: The scousers have just had a vote on the euroand decided to f*ck it off and keep the Giro
'Whats black and screams like f*ck?......
....Stevie Wonder answering the Iron
They are what I have just been sent recently
Sorry if some offend
'A Little girl saw 2 dogs ********.. her mum said they were baking cakes.. i know u n dad were baking cakes last nite cos i licked the icing off the sofa'
'Ten things men know about women;
1. They have a fanny.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Oh yes.... and T*TS
'Theres a pub called The Cockwell Inn, in Herbum Village near Tillet town. Lucy Lykes owns the pub. The address is
Lucy Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Herbum
Tillet
Herts.
News Flash: The scousers have just had a vote on the euroand decided to f*ck it off and keep the Giro
'Whats black and screams like f*ck?......
....Stevie Wonder answering the Iron
They are what I have just been sent recently
Sorry if some offend
19 November 2003, 06:57 PM
#21
Scooby Regular
Gareth Gates went into a sweet shop the other day for some maltesers....
he came out with some M & M's
michael jackson & the dr walked out of the room after his wife has a baby boy. Mich says how long b4 we can ave sex? dr says, at least wait til hes walkin
he came out with some M & M's
michael jackson & the dr walked out of the room after his wife has a baby boy. Mich says how long b4 we can ave sex? dr says, at least wait til hes walkin
19 November 2003, 11:58 PM
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farmer buys a new milking machine. trys it on his ***** and has a great orgasm but can't remove it. he reads the instructions and faints. it says "auto release after 2 leters"
20 November 2003, 11:08 AM
#30
Bloke gets gets on a bus and asks the driver if he goes to the town centre, he replies 'yes thats the end of the line, tickets are £1.20. Bloke says 'thats a bit steep, think i'll run behind the bus and save the money!'
Drver replies 'why don't you go run behind a taxi, you'll save more'
Ed
Drver replies 'why don't you go run behind a taxi, you'll save more'
Ed