Brendan Hughes

OK, I'm a week late, but I'm still surprised I didn't see it after the Secret Policeman documentary - maybe I didn't read all the threads carefully. Well I think it's worth a resurrection.



Police constable walks into Inspector's office…

"Ah - Come in, shut the door."

"Yes, sir."

"Now then, Savage, I want to talk to you about some charges that you've been bringing lately. I think that perhaps you're being a little… over-zealous."

"Which charges did you mean then, sir?"

"Well, for instance this one: 'Loitering with intent to use a pedestrian crossing.'
Savage, maybe you're not aware of this, but it is not illegal to use a pedestrian crossing. Neither is 'smelling of foreign food' an offence."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Also, there's no law against 'Urinating in a public convenience', or 'Coughing without due care and attention."'

"If you say so, sir..."

"Yes, I do say so, Savage! Didn't they teach you anything at training school?"

"Erm, I'm sorry, sir..."

"Some of these cases are just plain stupid: 'Looking at me in a funny way'. …Is this some kind of joke, Savage?"

"No, sir."

"And we have some more here: 'Walking on the cracks in the pavement.' 'Walking in a loud shirt in a built-up area during the hours of darkness,' and 'Walking around with an offensive wife'…
In short, Savage, in the space of one month, you have brought one hundred and seventeen ridiculous, trumped-up and ludicrous charges."

"Yes, sir."

"…against the same man, Savage."

"Yes, sir."

"A Mr Winston Kodogo, of 55, Mercer Road?"

"Yes, sir."

"Sit down, Savage."

"Yes, sir."

"Savage, why do you keep arresting this man?"

"He's a villain, sir."

"A villain..."

"And a jail-bird, sir."

<shouts> "I know he's a jail-bird, Savage, he's down in the cells now! We're holding him on a charge of 'Possession of curly black hair and thick lips."'

"Well… well, there you are, sir."

<incandescent> "You arrested him, Savage!"

"Thank you, sir."

<calmly> "Savage, would I be correct in assuming that Mr Kodogo is a coloured gentleman?"

"Well, I can't say I've ever noticed, sir."

<exasperated> "Stand up, Savage! Savage, you're a bigot. It's officers like you that give the police a bad name. The press love to jump on an instance like this, and the reputation of the force can be permanently tarnished. Your whole time on duty is dominated by racial hatred and petty personal vendettas. Do you get some kind of… perverted gratification from going around stirring up trouble?"

"Yes, sir."

"There's no room for men like you in my force, Savage - I'm transferring you. To the SPG!"



This sketch is taken from: Not! The Nine O'Clock News, Hedgehog Sandwich, BBC Records REB 421, 1981.

Franko

Yup you didn't read all the threads carefully