5 questions most feared by men
10 October 2001, 04:32 PM
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> The 5 questions most feared by men are :
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service,
each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am
to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance
to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following :
a. Football.
b. Golf.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al
Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was
thinking, I would be talking to you"
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed
answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, sh*t-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is Buy a
Lotus and a Boat). No matter how you answer this, be prepared
for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these
lines :
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them
with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Sh*t.
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service,
each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am
to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance
to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following :
a. Football.
b. Golf.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al
Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was
thinking, I would be talking to you"
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed
answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, sh*t-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is Buy a
Lotus and a Boat). No matter how you answer this, be prepared
for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these
lines :
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them
with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Sh*t.
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11 October 2001, 12:46 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Shark:
<B>LMAO
You can get left handed golf clubs - whats that all about?
David[/quote]
Are you extracting the urine?
<B>LMAO
You can get left handed golf clubs - whats that all about?
David[/quote]
Are you extracting the urine?
11 October 2001, 11:25 PM
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or sticking it in her gob and she says - sorry I don't smoke
Shark - the left handed clubs would imply that he already knew who he was getting remarried to, otherwise he wouldn't know that she is left handed. He has just told his wife he is having an affair...
Shark - the left handed clubs would imply that he already knew who he was getting remarried to, otherwise he wouldn't know that she is left handed. He has just told his wife he is having an affair...
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