Stueyb

My turn for personal ones now.

It all revolves round yes, you guessed it - Women.

Basically, mine is to my mind too moaney, too sensitive and just short of a full sandwich. HOWEVER we do have great times too.

Its just everything is always my fault, always, without exception. Its my fault her parents knock her about (I have offered to sort it but she won't let me). Im not saying im blameless for some stuff, im usually late etc, but over the last few months ive gotten a lot better overall, small things.

Another example is that im not being fair by picking her up at 7.30 am after she finishes work (means Im up for 6.30) because she has to wait an hour for me to get there. To my mind she should either live with it or f*k of and get a taxi "but I can't afford it" is the reply. Am I being unreasonable here ?

THE most annoying thing is that I don't have any time to do what I want, no computer fairs anymore, no cinema days ( 5 films in a row!!)no geeking out on a sunday morning watching hollyoaks (sad I know )She is like a lapdog, follows me everywhere. She gets a strop on at the slightest thing.

I used to be abroad at least twice a month and used to frequently visit my ex's in the US and one in Amsterdam, that was funky

Now the biggie is she is supposed to be moving in with me and I don't think its gonna be a good idea because I like my space and she thinks 2 nights a week to myself is sufficient (many many rows on this one)

One other thing, if ur other half droppped the biggest smelliest air buscuit you ever smelt and in jest called her a smelly bitch, is it unreasonable for her to go into a strop fo the entire night.

Basically, I think ive answered my own question!, its now, how to extract myself from the smelly stuff

Should I try and make it better or just cut and run (baring in mind she has a propensity for self harm and a very violent and unstable family)

red_dog104

Don't stay with her just because you fear she may do something silly. If your not happy then break up. Why make yourself miserable to keep her happy?!

damian666

My GFs Dad threatened to put cigarettes out on her face once. I didnt want to start anything with him in the end as it would probably have hurt our relationship (GF and me)

Can you see yourself being happy with HER? Not her family - at the end of the day you shouldnt have to spend loads of time around them. My GF used to come to mine once a week but I had to go to hers 4 times (a considerable distance from work) which I found unreasonable, as fuel isnt cheap.

You have to go with the flow and see how you feel, but you should be able to geek out as much as you want (thats how my GF got into GTA3!)

Good luck
Damian

Stueyb

Well, I have tried to end it several times ( the relationship that is -dont get the wrong idea) but she grinds me down with emotional blackmail and the rest till I take her back - It can get cause sometimes she has blackmailed me for hours literally. Thing is how to end it without looking a coward but being able to keep to my intentions.

Unfortunatly, she has learned her dads short and violent temper and thats yet another issue, not that she hits me or owt, but in her voice and her mannorisms etc. Also she *has to know where I am all the time.

Just thought of an excellent example.

Asked her if she wants to go to a friends house, she says no because she doesn't want to sit round doing nothing, but we dont do nothing, we chat, we geek out etc. She rings up, finds out im there and explodes on the phone because she isn't there ?? WTF ? And then says I never involve her !

super_si

I know how you feel, trapped!! Same here mate i can sympathise!

But then again we lie in and watch hollyoaks together

Luke

You could give us all a laugh and go on The "Trisha Show"

Stueyb

Hmm, it would be more Jerry Springer me thinks

super_si

There always propper dead beats lol

Luke

Scum with minger mothers.

super_si

lol propper low lifes.

make me chuckle having my break at work.

Pete Croney

Stuey

Its up to you to be strong and go for what YOU want in life. I had a similar relationship years ago and it finishing was one of the best things that happened to me because I then met my wife.

There are plenty of great girls out there, who will give you your space (and will demand their own space too). They won't control you and you can enjoy each other for what you are, not what you may be able to made into.

This girl won't top herself. If she won't let you do anything about her family knocking her about, I doubt it happens. Its just another thing to make you feel sorry for her and not dump her. If she is being knocked about and won't do anything about it then she is probably one of the mixed up birds that life their life going from abuser to abuser. If you aren't an abuser (hope you aren't) then it will never work (been there, I'm not, it didn't work).

Time to get your coat and start enjoying life.

astraboy

<she has learned her dads short and violent temper and thats yet another issue, not that she hits me or owt, but in her voice and her mannorisms etc. >
Yeah I've had experience of that. My sister changed after her arguementative b/f got hold of her Still does it now even though the ****** is long gone.
Unfortuantly people do change like this and I've found there is nothing you can do about it.
sorry I cant be more helpful, but if I were in your shoes I'd run till I could run no more.
astraboy.

Stueyb

no, id never dream of knocking a woman about. I know there is violence in the house, you can see it by looking at the walls See, now im feeling guilty cause I feel ive gotta protect her from this crap, but wtf should I have to do this.

The question is, how can I get an all round satisfactory outcome ?

Markus

You could sit down and talk things through with her, but from the sounds of it she'd probably see this as an attack on her and go into a big ol strop.

You have to decide what is best for you. If this means sorting things out then so be it, if it means leaving her, then so be it.

I do think you should talk to her, saying that you don't think it's working and maybe you need time apart, do it gently and nicely, see what she says. Don't just walk out without saying a word.

If you think she will harm herself, well, not sure what to say, it's tricky, I can understand the want to stay, esp if she says 'I'll kill myself if you leave' emotional blackmail is so hard to deal with, and well, me being me, I'd prob stay, even though i'd want to go, but that's me. Sometimes we have to be strong and walk away, regardless of the possible consequences. Very hard, and I don't want to imagine what you'd feel like if she did do anything, but sometimes, you just have to walk away.

Bajie

Are you a boyfriend or a scapegoat?
You've not listed any reason for you to stay.
So you might as well go.

TurboKitty

Stueyb, it's not your responsibility unless you want it to be. It's up to you. However, sometimes you have to accept there are things you just can't fix. You can't live your life for somebody else.

Stueyb

I think I now my answer to should I stay or should I go (sounds familier). Thing is ending it without her being able to twist it. She is a worldclass expert at twisting stuff.

Hmm, suppose I will just have to get on with it and do it. Problem is, take her somewhere and tell her and she won't get out when I try to drop her off (read wont shift) until Ive changed my mind, and made me feel horrible in the process.

I was thinking letter, but thats not a good way out.

TurboKitty

Take her somewhere, tell her, call a taxi to take her home, pay taxi driver, send her on her way...

Heartless? Me?

Luke

Stue


there is no "Goodway out".... Simple and straight might be the best way.

Its a shame... but you life will continue and get better.

Maybe it just wasnt ment to be???

Pete Croney

Don't take her anywhere, as it means taking her back somewhere.

Phone is the best and end the call when its done. Then switch the phone off. Harsh but its on your terms and you can control it.

Amen Corner

SMS. It's the way forward for ending tricky relationships

Amen (all heart) Corner

TurboKitty

Uh, Amen (better not be being serious) Corner, I think not.

Amen Corner

wlcme 2 dumpsvlle. popul8un u

super_si

lol ive done that. But a bit worse. The lasses contract ran out so i sent it to her dad lol

ChrisB

Class Si, pure class

super_si

is just had to be done lol. I was bored. Didnt know what else i could done she had being on holiday to canada . Got a msg saying how she'd missed me all this rubbish. she got a shock lol and i had another lassy lined up the next day

Markus

Text message would, in my mind, be a tad harsh, but, it is the 21st Century. Still think the old fashioned phone call would be best. Somethin non face to face sounds like a plan if she'd refuse to get out of your car until you have changed you mind.

Phone her, say you don't think it's working out, say it's probably better for the both of you. Easy. Might hurt a bit, but you may well be doing the right thing.

Stueyb

I think the taxi sounds a good idea.

Bajie

Yeah. Waste more time and money on her. Visit her at home. Say what you have to say. Leave. No taxi/restaurant fees. And you know she got home ok.
Fancy a scene out in the open. Coooool ...

TaviaRS

Don't forget to change your locks. Plan of action:

1. Change locks
2. Find somewhere to store your car
3. Book 2 week holiday
4. Dump her by text

Yes, it probably is the cowardly way of doing it, but if you are that worried that you will back down then a non-face to face meeting is the only way to do it. Normal phone call would do but, you still might get talked out of it. Texting is the only way forward, unless she's on e-mail!