1. pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa and repeat
process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger, hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5. retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep figurines
and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.


9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
beer to take taste away. Apply band aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon flick pill down throat with
elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch pour shot, drink. Apply
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. toss back another shot. throw t
shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the
road. apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while
swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13 Tie the little *******s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak be
rough about it hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
A&E; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters..


How to give a Dog a pill

1. wrap it in bacon...

 

Try using a condom next time

 

Relax Lewis, the cat's DNA is so different from humans that its impossible to impregnate it. Use plenty of lube though..

 

I tried a Dutch Cap last time but spent 3 months in Casualty

Pete

 

LOL!!!!!

astraboy.

 

Well sounds simple enough in theory but more difficult in practice.

[Edited by StudentScooby - 2/21/2003 6:46:27 PM]

 

????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????

Pete

[Edited by pslewis - 2/21/2003 6:47:14 PM]

 

Edited cause i never read it properly.

 

put the pill inside some soft cheese, and give it to the cat.

Moo cow cheese is a good one.

 

Alternatively, tip cat on its back, prise open jaws, pop pill in, close mouth and gently massage throat while cat gives you an eeeeevil stare...

Then feed it tuna and all is forgiven.

I go through this every 3 months with 4 of them.

 

Every three months?
I have to give my two two tablets each every day!
I get it done in five seconds cos they know I dont mess about though
astraboy.

 

Mice_Elf: fancy administering pills to my cats then?

I guess there must be people who think Pete's instructions are a wind-up; my cat Jess left me with this after being fed a pill on Wednesday evening:



I've had cats my whole life, but you're always learning just what they're capable of...

Anyone want to buy a loving, lazy, docile domestic pet?

Andy.

 

The only way is to get it pi55ed first!!



Pete

 

Andy - I think they've just got used to it now. I have to do them fairly often as they eat so many wild animals - rabbits, mice, rats, birds etc and if I leave it for the requisite 6 months, there is sometimes evidence that this is too late.... *euch!*

They can usually sense hesitation, though. If I grab them, adminster the pill, (4 for Eclipse & Jamie, 3 for Ripple and 2 for Moki! ) and then have done with it they accept it. If my mum tries, who doesn't like doing it, they end up with foam strings hanging out of their mouths, getting stressed and clawing to get free....

So be firm!

 

Insert pill into shotgun, aim up cats ****, fire!

The Saint

 

Be firm? How'd you think I ended up having to bathe my hand in neat Dettol?

Any firmer and I'd have been waking up in casualty with one eye...

 

My cat 'Piggy' wants to eat anything I'm eating.
I just have to pretend to be eating the pill and he's yelling for one too

The only thing he's spat out so far was a hot chip covered in Thai chilli sauce, and he ate that after he let it cool and swatted it a few times

 

Great picture Pete, still laughing.

Les

 

never mind giving them pills, how do you make a cat go woof......

douse it in petrol and toss it on the fire.

disclaimer: i would in no way codone this sort of behaviour, nothing worse than singeing your pu$$y.

cheers

big sinky

 

ChristianR and others have the right idea with food - coulda told you that at the start and saved a lot of scars and expense.

Don't tell me it all actually happened - I can believe the first few, but the rest...

Problem is, if it's a big pill, hiding it in the food well enough. Cheese is good cos it's soft enough to squeeze in, as is dog's food chunks for dog pills (they're less fussy anyway usually, or just easier - to dog's You are the master, but cat's don't care about you apart from their food). Cats bond with each other more, and the place rather than the people, dogs bond to the people. Which is why it's easier to move house with dog's rather than cat's (they'll run away and try and find the old house if they get a chance to start with).

Oh well, you know now.

 

Solved that with my cats, too. When they move into a new house, I keep them shut in for a week, only taking them out individually on a lead to walk them round the garden. They are so involved in sniffing the new territory, they don't care about being on the lead.

Get some strange looks from the neighbours, but a week or so of this and by the time I let them out normally, they have their own smell around their territory to guide them back home.

 

Well I can certainly identify with that one.... having owned 6 of the little single minded darlings.... we eventually settled for this tactic....

It takes two people....

Wrap the cat tightly in a towel so the little sweetie can't move.

Person one holds cat (tightly)
Person two has pill and either a milk bottle or some other bottle which had a couple of drops of water in the bottem...

Administer pill by prizing mouth open - shove in pill put drops of water on tongue (the cat's)... shut mouth and hold closed...

Seriously the water will force the cat to swallow and it will swallow the pill at the same time.... unless of course yours are adapt at holding pill under tongue for several hours then spitting out next to food bowl to be discovered next morning...

P

 

What I do with my cat is crush the pill between 2 teaspoons and put it in something strong flavoured eg tuna. Cat thinks it is getting a treat and you get no scratched hands. Simple and stress free.
Kev's Mrs using his user name.

 

I just gently open his jaws, drop the pill to the back and stroke his chin. No problem. He has to have them daily for his kidneys, also takes 1/8 of an adult blood pressure tablet.

 

having a knackered old cat that needs various pills to keep it alive - I know this issue -
I don't want to go near the cat's mouth (germs + smells of bins)so resort to crushing them up and placing in food - though the cat refuses to eat half the food as a result.

If you check with a vet - they have a little device like a drinking straw with an elastic band attached that fires the pill into the back of the cat's mouth whilst you hold it open - not very elegant but works...

...however the woman at local cattery showed me the best method that she uses with all resident cats that need pills...

(wearing suitable clothing) - hold the cat up with its four feet facing your body at about chest height, bring the cat's feet towards you so it is touching your jumper etc - then just let go - the cat hangs on with all four feet, with its head right in front of you - and you now have both hands free to open its mouth and drop the pill in...if you are very lucky the thing will start mewing too so you can just pop the pill in even easier - she demonstarted this twice and I must admit it does work. I wouldn't try this in a thin tee-shirt though ;-)

btw - top tip ...

get your vet to write you just a prescription for the pills and buy them from vetmedic in derbyshire - I am saving 30 quid a month on pills that are more than 8 times as expensive from the vet


Paul W