Black Cat

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour, here are some actual logged maintenance complaints as submitted by Quantas pilots and their engineers' response to the problem.

P: = The problem logged by the pilot
S: = The solution and action by the engineers




P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
S: Cannot reproduce the problem on the ground

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what they're there for

P: IFF inoperative
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after short search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

bros2

There's a frozen lake somewhere, which you might be interested to know once had an Impreza in it.

Let me see if I can dig out the picture .....

bros

Mice_Elf

Ah yes, these may be old, but they still make me smile.

carl

Agreed -- Qantas have never had a major accident. However, these are definitely not faults logged by Qantas pilots.

How many Qantas aircraft have IFFs and targeting radars?

Tim Bomford

That's nice bros. Penni used to post on here a lot but doesn't as often as she used to.....could be down to folk like you who'd rather have a go than read em, smile, and move on to next thread.

We all get fed up with the "which airfilter, exhaust, tyres" type stuff that keeps coming round but we don't all get the ar$e about it. it's a new one to Black Cat so she thought she'd share it. Sorry it upset you.

Tim

dsmith

To be honest the "car in lake" gag is only really relevant to things that have been posted on S'Net about 100 times. I personally hadn't seen this and found it quite funny. I cant remember them being posted on S'net before so did appreciate the smile...

Now - have you heard of this phone scam...

Deano

Black Cat

Thanks Tim,
You're right I don't post much anymore, because someone always does take a pot shot at anything I say (one particularly) - but I don't let it get to me - I've developed very thick skin these days.
At the end of the day - he's probably right - these probably are old, it was just a joke.... geesssssssssuuuuuuussssssssss goes to show you can't please some people

Simon posted a while back during one of the many arguments that seem to rage these days (can you remember it being like that a few years ago - I can't) - that maybe the 'ole timers' could give the 'new timers' the benefit of their experience... I missed a opp to post in that - what I wanted to say to Simon then and it still holds true, that when someone posts be it new or old they get shouted down, and sometimes it's the moderators that do it.

So here I am standing back and waiting for the flack - because I posted a dumb joke. -
P

bros2

Tim

Here's a ladder to help you climb off your high horse.

Why would you think me upset - I merely answered Penni's post with some (really very gentle) banter. There was no intention to offend, but I'll not apologise - there's nothing to apologise for.

Penni's been around on SN for ages, knows the score, and knows perfectly well she can have a go at me if she wishes - I'm sure she doesn't need you to help.

Contact per profile if you want to discuss further.


bros

Avril

bloody 'ell.

DavidRB

To paraphrase Adrian Cronauer (Robin Williams) in Good Morning Vietnam,

"The contributors to this bbs are in more dire need of a blow job than any white men in history"

Tim Bomford

I haven't got the ****, but there are a lot on here who seem to have. It was new to Pen and therefore if you'd seen it already (as I had too) why pipe up detrimentally when there are others who'd not seen it and enjoyed it. If you have nothing to say that is constructive then why bother. Bye for now

Tim

merkin

Tim Bomford

Not meaning to fall out with anyone but I know that out of my 1100'ish posts none of them have been non-constuctive, in the muppet forum etc. As far as I'm concerned I don't post unless I have something useful to add. I prefer to help not hinder. Anyone who's met me knows thats not my style.

Tim

Pete Croney

Well I'm glad you posted it Penni. It made me laugh and is going on my flying club notice board tomorrow

Shark

Perhaps a few more are needed

David

Black Cat

hey.... all this fuss over a joke....

Diablo

Made me laugh too

And I've seen it before.

Nice one P,

D

Tim Bomford

Nick you have an email, thankyou for yours.
Not writing anymore on this coz I feel I'm being mis-interpreted and as someone said it is too difficult to convey emotions and exactly how you are feeling by email/bbs etc as it is emotionless. Need a friendly "smilie" thingy to go on the end of this.

Tim

SimonH

Notwithstanding the great battle of wits going on, I have seen these before and they still make me chuckle

Here's another possible "Icy STi" but what the heck

----------------------------------
Some Of The Worst News Headlines
----------------------------------

(These have been verified as true) not by me I hasten to add


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout
Counter

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Fuzz

So where is this scooby in the lake then,?
I havn't seen it

no really, I havn't seen it.
and I have lurked and posted some not so useful tripe too in the past 3-4 months

Andy

AndrewW

Ok,

Being a picky barstard here, but three things.

1. It's actually QANTAS (all capitals, no U, it's an abbreviation for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Service).
2. The list of faults and responses was actually taken from a U.S. Air Force Base.
3. QANTAS are not the only airline never to have had an accident. They are the only airline never to have had an accident resulting in the loss of life.

This is all totally useless information, but I'm bored and I need something to do

Andrew.

Dave P

May 1999 and I haven't seen it. Life's a bit cr@p at the mo and this has started me laughing out loud, so a big thanks Pen

Dave

Black Cat

Yeah!!!

Thxs Andrew I culd never speell aniwuy...

Tim

AndrewW

Sorry Tim,

Couldn't help myself ...

Having a bad day at work, tends to turn me into a pedantic, picky bugger ...

I still laugh every time I see these by the way

Andrew.