>Internal Memo
>
>From: Bin Laden, Osama
>
>To: All Al Queda Fighters
>
>Subject: The Cave
>
>Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.
>
>Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come
>together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a
jihad,
>we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few
concerns:
>
>First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to
sweep
>the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ...have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).
>
>Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
to
>scare the s**t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means
that
>while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
>
>Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
>
>Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy,
>Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
>
>Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall
>It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
the
>edge of the mountain.
>
>Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a
grey
>area.)
>
>Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
>
>Love you lots,
>
>Group Hug.
>
>Os.
>
>PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut
>it out, it's not funny anymore.