The Zohan

Michelle

as regards your relationship with your mum - Write it all down in a letter, take your time and get it right.

As regards your parents relationship - are you sure you want then to stay togethger for their sakes or yours, maybe they have grown apart, sadly, it happens. it needs to be what is best for all. If they are not happy together and cannot reslove their situation then this may be for the best. It is not the end of the world and theyt can then get on with their lives, hopefully happy.

Can you explain - If my mum and I were in a married couple situation there would be a nasty divorce proceedings going on!!!!
- i do not understand what you mean by this.

My mother is a manic depressive so i know a bit about problems with mothers.

Hope this is of help

Paul

Remember - You can choose your friends, you get given your relations.

[Edited by Paul Habgood - 8/1/2002 11:30:12 AM]

Little Miss WRX

Okay, so I have found a hypnotherapist (hopefully to sort my arachnophobia out HURRAY )

This one is very serious and troubling me considerably.

I do not have a good relationship with my mum, well, not even a bad one at the moment. I won't go into detail, but I really want to get it to a level where we can at least sit and discuss what is going wrong.

My parents are going through a hard time as well and I cannot see it lasting past my brother and sister leaving. My dad has said to me that the only reason he is staying and has stayed is because of us kids.

If my mum and I were in a married couple situation there would be a nasty divorce proceedings going on!!!!

I want to resolve things, but past attempts have been a failure

Can anyone suggest anything? I want for us to be on amicable terms when I leave the country.

Many, many thanks in advance.

Michelle.

BOB.T

Anyone else thinking Chelle's mum's a spider?

Not a clue how to help, soz, let me know how you get on, I think mi dad is about to have a blow out

nkh

Have you thought about writting your mum a letter? Sometimes it is easier for people to 'listen' to a letter and your thoughts might be clearer and put better then if a discussion gets heated.

You can also re-read a letter which helps if you don't like the content first, second, third,... time around.

Little Miss WRX

LOL, I am not frightened of mum (except when she shouts )

It has reached break point and I guess it is sort it out for good or I dunno, I don't want an or, I want to sort it.

Big Den

Chelle

Would your mum go with you to a councillor? They are independant and will see both sides of any problems & help you to try & see things from each others perspective - hopefully helping to some sort of resolution.

First obstacle though is does your mum admit there is a problem between you? if not then she is unlikely to want to go to an 'outsider' to talk about things.

Don't want you to go into details & I'm not a councillor just trying offer you some ideas.

Out of the Country? You leaving the UK then? temporarily, permanent, work related? I've not been following scoobynet as much recently if it appears I'm behind the latest news.

Big Den

PS I've never got round to photographing that sign for u yet!

Little Miss WRX

Big Den, I missed the opportunity to sign the post last time I was up as I went home early feeling really ill.

I am not too sure whether mum would admit to the problem - she doesn't have a good relationship with her mum (my nan) either
I want to break the cycle, I know there is a problem, it is just approaching it in a way that will resolve not worse. IT is me who has to make the first step too as my mum is even more stubborn than I!!!!!!

nkh, I could do.........it would be a hellishly long letter!

Little Miss WRX

BTW, the move out of the country will more than likely be permanent.

nkh

Don't post on here for one day and you'd probably have enough spare words to write your letter

dnb

Write the letter - it doesn't matter how long it is, provided you think it will help.

Just don't be a long way from your family while there are problems hanging over your head. I'm sure you know that you can only run for so long, and the longer you run, the worse they are when they catch you.

nkh

Seriously, nothing is an instant fix with these things, they take time and effort.

I don't think I will ever have a good relationship with my mother-in-law-type-person but that still isn't an escuse to walk away and not try.

Little Miss WRX

It is not me doing the running, I want to get things sorted.

I did spend a time avoiding the issue, but it does catch up with you. We got on for some time, but only on a superficial level and we both knew it.

jjones

err i got a problem with my car, but won't detail it.

eh can anyone help?

STi go fast

just ignore her and go to Oz, if she was anyone but mummy you'd tell her to go jump.

once in oz, you'll soon forget all about ppl left behind- move on get a new life.

Sti

ps- when i was 11 i left my family cause they was nuts, i regretted it for 8-9 years but now i am fine with it.

Puff The Magic Wagon!

iTrader: (2)

Gotta say that the phrase

"You can chose your friends but you can't chose your familly"

springs to mind here.

Prehaps she doesn't want to get on with you & as bad as that sounds, prehaps its a fact of life. All your wanting can be a totally worthless effort on your part if the object of your want doesn't feel the same way.

FFS - I want to meet Kylie Minogue, chat her up & bed her, but its not going to happen. If I tried, I'd end up a stalker & in prison

Also, who is to say that she has a problem? You? In her mind, she is being quite OK & probably thinks that you have some sort of problem.

Not in for a slanging match, but sit back, think about the situation, possibly grow up some and if your mother doesn't want to know, accept it, let her get on with her life & you get on with your new life.

Little Miss WRX

PTMW, I fear you may be right even my brother is agreeing with that one.

I don't think my parents are going to stay together long, my dad is ill and this is not helping matters

Paul, I meant that if you put us in a different relationship where we are not blood related and have the choice of walking away just like that - that is how I feel the situation would be. Is that a better explanation?

Cars are a bit easier to fix than relationships/

Tiggs

see an expert, your posting history suggets a need- you have many issues you seem to need to express to thousands of people on the internet, perhaps you would do better to express them to an expert and not a message board for people that like subarus?

statisticly, i would think the likelyhood of someone here coming up to the soloution of your parent/mother/oz issue is rather remote. this post seems more like a cross between jerry springer and oprah than a usefull resource for you to search for means of family happiness.

T

The Zohan

Thanks for the explaination, i understand now, from my POV i find it hard to just walk away even if it is a friend and not a blood relative. Sometimes it just does not work out and there is nothing you can do to make/put it right and there is no point in trying to as it can screw you up. If you have given it your all/best then you can do no more.

Still think a letter explaining how you feel and how tyou want to move forward, is a good (last) try to sort things out.

Families, i have a sister who i dio not talk to, the last time we spoke (four years ago) was to threaten her that if she deliberately upset our mother again i would 'kill' her. IMHO she is a nasty twisted person who enjoys upsetting other people, especially my mother.
I am sure my sister speaks highly of me as well. - The point, well not just to air my family sectrets in public, most families have their problems, some get sorted out and some cannot be.

Katana

Become a Scientologist. Scientology makes everything better...

Little Miss WRX

tiggs,

Take it how you want, but I have met a lot of good friends on here and been offered some sound advice from many people.

A few people may have been or be goping through the same sort of thing and may be able to offer suggestions on how I can start to work things out and who I might be able to get in touch with to assist.

Little Miss WRX

Katana, if it involves you know whats then no