weapon69

Currently in a situation where the baby's Dad is making life difficult and refusing to pay support. Anyone had any dealings like this with the CMS? I know this is a predominantly male forum and it would be useful to have any positive or negative feedback as to how it went...

urban

iTrader: (1)

Not had dealing with them personally, my ex and I sorted this out between us many years ago.
But what sort of a Father refuses to pay support for his kids.

Tidgy

I agree in principle, i;d want to support a child i had no mater what. but could be other reasons such as withholding untill given access etc etc

urban

iTrader: (1)

Yeah understand, but I was going with the assumption that she is not preventing access or anything, given the question that has been asked.

I could very well be making the wrong assumption

LUCIFER ARAI

If he's a coward that won't stand up to raise his off spring then CSA his **** and take him for every penny that child deserves

If it takes a third party an inbatweener maybe to talk things through with him that might work and less tit for tat

In all of this please remember it's the child that matters not your feelings towards him or his towards you
don't stop the father seeing his child even if it means going through a third party or a centre thingy if you don't trust him or if he's not capable enough
If he's skint and no cash please remember he can still give plenty of love and attention and time and you can get some respite aswell

MALE WRITTEN OPINION

dpb

Nail his foot to the floor

Is he in here ?

weapon69

haha, no i'm not preventing anything. I'm the one trying to get him to have something to do with it but he has refused and wishes i'd go away.

Unfortunately the dealings i have had with the CMS have been bad and they can't seem to manage the most basic of tasks and reading other cases where the Mother chases the absent parent for YEARS and still gets nowhere, i'm reluctant to bother.

LUCIFER ARAI

Give your energy and time to your child
just treat him as a sperm donor
as these precious times never come back which you will spend with your child as he/she grows up both of you will grow stronger and more mature as time goes on positive vibes are a must
I'm sure you'll be fine

legb4rsk

So the child dosn't eat until you can see them?Support is for the child not the parent.

Tidgy

Not saying its right or wrong, i was just saying there may be some other things behind it

legb4rsk

I hear you mate.I have been through it & it's about the hardest thing you can do to remain objective when you're in emotional hell but ultimately it's about the kids.The adults have to shoulder the burden.The kids didn't do anything.

Tidgy

totaly agree, sounds like hes a dick.

RAGGY DOO

iTrader: (1)

Never black and white women are evil when it comes to money and using the kids
The csa was set up to **** the father in the ****
A lot of women refusing to let the fathers see their children and unleash the csa on the father tell me how that's fair

weapon69

There's a hell of a lot of men making children and then running away from responsibility. My ex partner doesn't have to see the child but I do feel he should shoulder some of the financial responsibility. The CSA should be able to enforce.

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

what makes me laugh about them is when
the woman leaves takes the kids goes on benefits ( which the bloke has paid for in taxs0 then proceedes to rim him over for 1/2 the house etc, rely clever that all they are actually doing is ******* the kids for inheritance, because she is on benefits they have to spend thier half before they can claim anything,
BUT THAT DONT MATTER COS AS FAR AS ALL THIER MATES ARE CONCERENED SHE RIMMED HUBBY OVER sad sad thing scorned women

weapon69

Madscoob- that's an incredibly generalised statement and your experience (as it sounds) is certainly not everyone's.

The situation I'm in is that he doesn't want anything to do with the child and certainly doesn't want to pay for it. According to you that's sad scorned women?!

RAGGY DOO

iTrader: (1)

I was on the receiving end always paid then she wanted more rang csa who hounded me like I was a criminal turned out my payments were reduced by 8 pound a month
I had no say milked me for what i was worth made me go through every court in Ireland and uk what was my crime she had a new man and wanted me gone
Now 13 years on she's worse I'm in Ireland she's in uk and I stuck 2 fingers up at the csa the scum that they are
I'd like to hear the mans side of the story as usual poor me woman looking for sympathy

dpb

madscoob generalisation , who'd have tort it

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

no not at all i was just pointing out the stupidity of the csa/some women thats all, nothing more, the goverment become obsessed with us paying for everything when in fact we all ready have (taxs) then to make matters worse for the state in the long run they leave kids with no inheritance (BECAUSE MUMMY HAD TO SPEND IT BEFORE SHE COULD CLAIM ) thats all no generalisation intended

Dingdongler

One might question the judgement of women who have children with men like that.

I'm just surprised that these women have thought it a bloody good idea to be impregnated by the sort of bloke who runs off and doesn't want to see and/or support his own offspring.

johned

Beware a woman scorned.

weapon69

So the general reply seems to be in keeping with his- why should we pay...

Someone questioned a woman's judgement...again in my case, he has another child and is very much a part of its life. I guess it wasn't unreasonable to expect him to behave in the same manner for his other.

ZANY

YOU NEED THE JEREMY KYLE SHOW

how can anybody on here judge anyone when no one knows the truth??

You could have been a one night stand or a side piece so he might want a DNA test to prove? How do we know "WAT GO ON IN"

CSA waste of time and gets used as a weapon by women and results in men leaving there jobs so the benefits can pay the benefits from what I've seen

I feel sorry for the child you should have taken protection no excuses if you can't afford you shouldn't have gone 9:15 to be honest

Wish half the people would appreciate the gift of life the first words the first steps the first smile of a child
You really don't know how lucky you are to have a healthy child appreciate it and do what you got to do

BUT NO LETS SEE WHAT THE BABOONS OF SN HAVE TO SAY

Not a bad weekender made my week

Dingdongler

My comment was not specifically at you. But you made the more general comment that many men have children and then run away and don't pay.

My point is that most men who would behave like that can be spotted a mile away. You don't go to bed a decent person with a moral compass and suddenly wake up the next morning a selfish scumbag.

So there maybe loads of blokes who behave like that but on most occasions the women are equally to blame for being so stupid as to have children with men like that.

Dave Y

iTrader: (52)

Back in the day 2000 I had to pay £110 per week for one child.The csa allowed me £7.00 to run a car and cover my running costs to get to work .My ex would ask for a review every 6 weeks.When my new girlfriend moved in they asked for her pay packets so they could increase payments.I then started jumping from job to job and got my payments down to a more manageable £44 per week.I was then able to give my daughter pocket money and take her out.
The CSA were complete arseholes !!

weapon69

I have never heard of a partners earnings being taken into account!

EddScott

Fortunately, I am not in this situation. I have two girls but there is only me.

I'd hate to be in the position of having a failed relationship and then being hounded by a poorly run government department for money. Not that I wouldn't pay but I'd be concerned how that money was being used.

My GF has one child and has nothing to do with the father and gave up trying to get money as he didn't work or was quite low paid. I think at some point if you weren't getting anywhere I'd probably stop wasting my time trying to get money and just make do with what you have.

I also think Ding has a point. My GF appears quite a sensible person but the father sounds a bit of a bell end. I find it inexplicable how she managed to choose so poorly. I guess it's a little of too young or not experienced enough in judgement to decide who to have children with. Arguably an indication that there is blame on both side. However, that hardly helps after the deed is done.

Personally, just get on with the rest of your life and put the effort into the child's happiness. You'll just get stressed and peed off so why waste the energy?

RAGGY DOO

iTrader: (1)

The fathers new partners finances are taken into account but not the mothers new partner
The csa are anti fathers scum bags
They have millions of pounds unexplained unaccounted for
Set up with one goal in mind harass and screw the man

Dave Y

iTrader: (52)

I can assure you i am not a liar.
I rang them up and told them she had stopped working,they asked when ?
I said as soon as their letter arrived.
This was back in 2000/2001 perhaps things have changed.
I found a company in Cradley Heath who called themselves CSA consultants who worked for the husbands.All i can say is it was money well spent.
I made sure my daughter didnt go without but her mother wasnt very happy. :thumb

BLU

iTrader: (27)

The fathers new partners earnings are not taken into account I know as I've been the (not so) absent parent and have been dealing with the CSA since 2003! My then new partners (now wife) earnings have NEVER been taken into account! The system used to calculate CS was revamped early '00s, I was on the "new" system.