Need your thoughts (visiting dog after she's died)
13 March 2017, 08:33 PM
#1
Need your thoughts (visiting dog after she's died)
So my dog died today (other thread) absolutely crushed.. normally when I dropped her at the Animal hospital I said goodbye but this time I was late for work and I was very casual about seeing her later.
I know I'd find something to feel **** about, but do you think I should visit her one last time? they said that it's my choice but the Rigor mortis isn't for everyone ..
I'm pretty up and down at the moment, going from fine to really upset, mostly when something reminds me of her, silly habits you get used to with a dog...
Would you go see her?
I know I'd find something to feel **** about, but do you think I should visit her one last time? they said that it's my choice but the Rigor mortis isn't for everyone ..
I'm pretty up and down at the moment, going from fine to really upset, mostly when something reminds me of her, silly habits you get used to with a dog...
Would you go see her?
13 March 2017, 09:03 PM
#3
Personally I wouldn't go see her, my reasoning is that it's going to be seared into your memory as the last time you see your dog... do you really want that to be your abiding memory of your dog... or would you rather the happy memories and pictures, actual pics and mental pictures that you now have.
Don't ever understand why people go and look at a dead loved one, I made the mistake once when I was a young lad, mostly due to tradition... never done it since and won't ever again, sooner have happy thoughts than traumatic ones.
Don't ever understand why people go and look at a dead loved one, I made the mistake once when I was a young lad, mostly due to tradition... never done it since and won't ever again, sooner have happy thoughts than traumatic ones.
13 March 2017, 09:37 PM
#4
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Personally no. You've said your goodbyes so let it rest now. You could ask for a tuft of hair which you could keep and I am sure you have a decent photo to keep at home. D
13 March 2017, 09:45 PM
#5
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So sorry to read your news bud 
Personally I wouldn't - remember her as she was. It's a rough journey that you are on, but try and focus on the smiles and love that she gave you
Personally I wouldn't - remember her as she was. It's a rough journey that you are on, but try and focus on the smiles and love that she gave you
13 March 2017, 09:47 PM
#6
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No. Your dog, your friend, should be remembered as she was in life. What you will find there is not your dog. It is a sight and experience that you will not benefit from. Hang on to the good memories.
13 March 2017, 10:06 PM
#7
Sorry to hear Pimmo,but as everyone said,best not.Get's a bit better as time goes by.It is difficult though
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13 March 2017, 10:12 PM
#9
So sorry to hear, I was upset about loosing ours.
Regarding seeing dog, that's your choice only tbf, make that decision for yourself in what you want. Me personally I held my dog while they put her to sleep as that's what I wanted to hold in my arms and my dog know I was comforting her to the end, at the same time a bit traumatic for me but hey it's what I chose.
Regarding seeing dog, that's your choice only tbf, make that decision for yourself in what you want. Me personally I held my dog while they put her to sleep as that's what I wanted to hold in my arms and my dog know I was comforting her to the end, at the same time a bit traumatic for me but hey it's what I chose.
13 March 2017, 10:53 PM
#10
I couldn't stay at the vets when they put my dog down. Cat died recently after an operation too.Glad I only saw him before and not after
13 March 2017, 11:03 PM
#11
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Really sorry to hear the news. The next few days/weeks will be very hard, but it does become easier with time. Regarding visiting her, do what you feel you need to do.
13 March 2017, 11:07 PM
#12
Lost both my boxer dogs at 10 years old..the first one I had to have put to sleep and I stayed with him until the end which was hard enough.
I found my second one dead at home one morning and I had to get her in the car and to the vets which was probably the hardest thing I have had to do so I wouldn't recommend seeing your dog,as the others have said just remember the good times you had together.
I found my second one dead at home one morning and I had to get her in the car and to the vets which was probably the hardest thing I have had to do so I wouldn't recommend seeing your dog,as the others have said just remember the good times you had together.
Last edited by Smithys STI; 13 March 2017 at 11:11 PM.
14 March 2017, 12:26 PM
#14
Thing is she collapsed at the Animal hospital and I lifted her onto a trolly, then they took her into ICU, that's the last memory I have, her wetting herself on the floor of the hospital.
****ing killing me .. I've lost my mum and I feel ashamed to say it didn't hurt like this.
****ing killing me .. I've lost my mum and I feel ashamed to say it didn't hurt like this.
14 March 2017, 04:47 PM
#16
Everybody is different, of course, and I haven't lost a dog, but I saw my nan after she died, but I didn't see my grand dad.
I wish I'd seen my granddad as well, as to me my nan looked really at peace and for me it brought closure to a long drawn out process.
I wish I'd seen my granddad as well, as to me my nan looked really at peace and for me it brought closure to a long drawn out process.
14 March 2017, 09:08 PM
#17
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Thing is she collapsed at the Animal hospital and I lifted her onto a trolly, then they took her into ICU, that's the last memory I have, her wetting herself on the floor of the hospital.
****ing killing me .. I've lost my mum and I feel ashamed to say it didn't hurt like this.
****ing killing me .. I've lost my mum and I feel ashamed to say it didn't hurt like this.
15 March 2017, 02:10 AM
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Let's put a bit of reality into this sad debate.
To state the obvious death is part of life as it were. I am older than most of you and in my lifetime I have said cheerio to my grand parents, my parents, my wife and her young sister. Plus 4 cats, 3 dogs and assorted kids pets. It doesn't get easier and you don't get "hardened". It's s,hit but you do get over it. Losing a pet can be as awful as losing a human that you were close to. I think this is because as humans, eg your kids, grow up they need you less and less but some pets, especially dogs, rely on you for their survival and can show unbelievable loyalty and you are their sole supporter.
We all have our own way of dealing with a loss. My own is to sit alone in my office late at night with a bottle of whisky and volume 11 on my stereo playing Brahms Violin Concerto. When my mum died I cried and cried but I felt better for my own cathartic method.
My wife died 2 years ago and I miss her like f,uck but, unlike most on here, I do believe I will meet her again in some format that I obviously can't comprehend.
Of course the cliché is right - time is the greatest healer. Pity they couldn't say how long that time is.
Just try hard to remember the good times with a loved one and never dwell on what you might have done.
atb, David
To state the obvious death is part of life as it were. I am older than most of you and in my lifetime I have said cheerio to my grand parents, my parents, my wife and her young sister. Plus 4 cats, 3 dogs and assorted kids pets. It doesn't get easier and you don't get "hardened". It's s,hit but you do get over it. Losing a pet can be as awful as losing a human that you were close to. I think this is because as humans, eg your kids, grow up they need you less and less but some pets, especially dogs, rely on you for their survival and can show unbelievable loyalty and you are their sole supporter.
We all have our own way of dealing with a loss. My own is to sit alone in my office late at night with a bottle of whisky and volume 11 on my stereo playing Brahms Violin Concerto. When my mum died I cried and cried but I felt better for my own cathartic method.
My wife died 2 years ago and I miss her like f,uck but, unlike most on here, I do believe I will meet her again in some format that I obviously can't comprehend.
Of course the cliché is right - time is the greatest healer. Pity they couldn't say how long that time is.
Just try hard to remember the good times with a loved one and never dwell on what you might have done.
atb, David
15 March 2017, 09:22 AM
#21
Let's put a bit of reality into this sad debate.
To state the obvious death is part of life as it were. I am older than most of you and in my lifetime I have said cheerio to my grand parents, my parents, my wife and her young sister. Plus 4 cats, 3 dogs and assorted kids pets. It doesn't get easier and you don't get "hardened". It's s,hit but you do get over it. Losing a pet can be as awful as losing a human that you were close to. I think this is because as humans, eg your kids, grow up they need you less and less but some pets, especially dogs, rely on you for their survival and can show unbelievable loyalty and you are their sole supporter.
We all have our own way of dealing with a loss. My own is to sit alone in my office late at night with a bottle of whisky and volume 11 on my stereo playing Brahms Violin Concerto. When my mum died I cried and cried but I felt better for my own cathartic method.
My wife died 2 years ago and I miss her like f,uck but, unlike most on here, I do believe I will meet her again in some format that I obviously can't comprehend.
Of course the cliché is right - time is the greatest healer. Pity they couldn't say how long that time is.
Just try hard to remember the good times with a loved one and never dwell on what you might have done.
atb, David
To state the obvious death is part of life as it were. I am older than most of you and in my lifetime I have said cheerio to my grand parents, my parents, my wife and her young sister. Plus 4 cats, 3 dogs and assorted kids pets. It doesn't get easier and you don't get "hardened". It's s,hit but you do get over it. Losing a pet can be as awful as losing a human that you were close to. I think this is because as humans, eg your kids, grow up they need you less and less but some pets, especially dogs, rely on you for their survival and can show unbelievable loyalty and you are their sole supporter.
We all have our own way of dealing with a loss. My own is to sit alone in my office late at night with a bottle of whisky and volume 11 on my stereo playing Brahms Violin Concerto. When my mum died I cried and cried but I felt better for my own cathartic method.
My wife died 2 years ago and I miss her like f,uck but, unlike most on here, I do believe I will meet her again in some format that I obviously can't comprehend.
Of course the cliché is right - time is the greatest healer. Pity they couldn't say how long that time is.
Just try hard to remember the good times with a loved one and never dwell on what you might have done.
atb, David
15 March 2017, 12:20 PM
#22
I just wrote a big heart filled reply and the page failed to load when I clicked to add a photo.
Basically after reading and debating I decided I'd rather regret and action than live with the what if .. so I went to see her with my wife. They had her laid out on a table with a blanket and a heat mat so she felt warm. When I left her she was a mess, couldn't stand and was disorientated and that was my last memory. This was peaceful, she looks calm and relaxed and it was a chance for my wife and I to hold her, stroke her and say goodbye and I'm so glad I went.
I miss the silly things now, the nose around the door, the barking for a wee soon as I sit down and the pain comes in waves. You feel daft with it being for a dog and guilty for all the little things you feel you could of done better.
I've always been a forward thinker, to the point it causes me problems, but when it was cold and wet and I couldn't be arsed walking her, I would say to myself you'll regret it one day if you don't go and I would go.
When I lost my mum it was bad, but I'm almost ashamed to say this is so much worse, the bond I had with this dog was immense and I would give up anything to have her back .. but would I want her back in the way she was? I can't answer that right now .. I'm hurting too much and a way to stop it would be difficult to say no to.
She died peacefully whilst sleeping, which is exactly what I wanted to happen, I made peace with her dying on several occasions, it's just bad timing that I was late for work and I didn't take that extra moment on the day. Had I though she would have become distressed with me leaving rather than how calmly they took her into the ICU.
I've spoken to the vet at length (such a nice guy) and today the Crematorium and I know I've done the best in life and in death for her. When I'm calm it all fits together and I'm grateful for the time we had, but when the grief hits, it's such pain and endless sadness .. I really struggle to cope.
RIP Tara
Basically after reading and debating I decided I'd rather regret and action than live with the what if .. so I went to see her with my wife. They had her laid out on a table with a blanket and a heat mat so she felt warm. When I left her she was a mess, couldn't stand and was disorientated and that was my last memory. This was peaceful, she looks calm and relaxed and it was a chance for my wife and I to hold her, stroke her and say goodbye and I'm so glad I went.
I miss the silly things now, the nose around the door, the barking for a wee soon as I sit down and the pain comes in waves. You feel daft with it being for a dog and guilty for all the little things you feel you could of done better.
I've always been a forward thinker, to the point it causes me problems, but when it was cold and wet and I couldn't be arsed walking her, I would say to myself you'll regret it one day if you don't go and I would go.
When I lost my mum it was bad, but I'm almost ashamed to say this is so much worse, the bond I had with this dog was immense and I would give up anything to have her back .. but would I want her back in the way she was? I can't answer that right now .. I'm hurting too much and a way to stop it would be difficult to say no to.
She died peacefully whilst sleeping, which is exactly what I wanted to happen, I made peace with her dying on several occasions, it's just bad timing that I was late for work and I didn't take that extra moment on the day. Had I though she would have become distressed with me leaving rather than how calmly they took her into the ICU.
I've spoken to the vet at length (such a nice guy) and today the Crematorium and I know I've done the best in life and in death for her. When I'm calm it all fits together and I'm grateful for the time we had, but when the grief hits, it's such pain and endless sadness .. I really struggle to cope.
RIP Tara
15 March 2017, 06:39 PM
#24
Nice looking dog, that's part that was hard for me was the routine of the dog been in the house somewhere and doing the normal daily things etc, it's the routine that kills you more, but slowly you will get used to having a quite and lonely home.
I was going to get another dog which I'm sure you will too eventually but I couldn't do it straight away as I'd feel guilty of replacing her, I did in the end and I didn't want the same breed either as I wanted the same memory of her in that breed of dog and didn't want to replace with same breed as I want to keep her memory as that breed that I had.
I still miss her now, was a great dog to have, now we have gone totally opposite and got a small yappy pita dog and does my freaking head in most of the time, but it was chosen for our daughter and the wife won.
I do obviously have love for our yappy dog as he's a member of our family now so that counts as love, but he is or will never be the great dog our Rottweiler was.
My mother also passed couple of years ago and I still miss her but I have days where I'm empty as she was a mum and farther to us. We all go at some point so we have to live on.
So to some it up, eventually you get on with life and routine changes, just take your time in being sad and eventually you will cheer up again.
Love for someone/something is never lost.
I was going to get another dog which I'm sure you will too eventually but I couldn't do it straight away as I'd feel guilty of replacing her, I did in the end and I didn't want the same breed either as I wanted the same memory of her in that breed of dog and didn't want to replace with same breed as I want to keep her memory as that breed that I had.
I still miss her now, was a great dog to have, now we have gone totally opposite and got a small yappy pita dog and does my freaking head in most of the time, but it was chosen for our daughter and the wife won.
I do obviously have love for our yappy dog as he's a member of our family now so that counts as love, but he is or will never be the great dog our Rottweiler was.
My mother also passed couple of years ago and I still miss her but I have days where I'm empty as she was a mum and farther to us. We all go at some point so we have to live on.
So to some it up, eventually you get on with life and routine changes, just take your time in being sad and eventually you will cheer up again.
Love for someone/something is never lost.
Last edited by bustaMOVEs; 15 March 2017 at 06:41 PM.
16 March 2017, 10:06 AM
#25
I've been in touch with the breeder, strangely my thoughts have been in the opposite direction, the thought of having another GSD of the same blood line is comforting to me. I'm also looking at rescue dogs, the idea of two dogs has always appealed to me.
You're right about the routine, them not being there when you look, or remembering something they used to do. I'm kind of lucky in that the last few weeks she wasn't well enough to walk so that bit had already broken down, I used to walk her to school with the kids, but it was too risky with her collapsing.
I'm on day 4 if you count the day she died as day 1 and I've not cried yet, the weight on my chest is still there and I'm a breath away from tears, but I can see it becoming easier and the focus my wife and kids have given me on wanting another dog has helped. I like to plan and research so it's good.
Having her ashes mean I have something physical I can go to when I want to see her, like my brain isn't looking for her in the house as I know where she is.
My daughter (6) was convinced we would be picking her up yesterday when we went for the ashes, no amount of convincing would work. She was very confused by the box, but not sad. She said can't we just go get Tara and make her alive again?
My son (7) is quite a bit more advanced development wise and has shed a few tears. He had nightmares last night about her looking round the door at him.
It's a huge blow to everyone and writing about it here seems to help.
You're right about the routine, them not being there when you look, or remembering something they used to do. I'm kind of lucky in that the last few weeks she wasn't well enough to walk so that bit had already broken down, I used to walk her to school with the kids, but it was too risky with her collapsing.
I'm on day 4 if you count the day she died as day 1 and I've not cried yet, the weight on my chest is still there and I'm a breath away from tears, but I can see it becoming easier and the focus my wife and kids have given me on wanting another dog has helped. I like to plan and research so it's good.
Having her ashes mean I have something physical I can go to when I want to see her, like my brain isn't looking for her in the house as I know where she is.
My daughter (6) was convinced we would be picking her up yesterday when we went for the ashes, no amount of convincing would work. She was very confused by the box, but not sad. She said can't we just go get Tara and make her alive again?
My son (7) is quite a bit more advanced development wise and has shed a few tears. He had nightmares last night about her looking round the door at him.
It's a huge blow to everyone and writing about it here seems to help.
16 March 2017, 02:56 PM
#26
If its any consolation, we had a border collie from puppy, lovely dog he was, and really intelligent.
Could bring beers, take off socks, close doors, fetch shoes among other stuff.
Love to carry things, never like walking on his lead, instead he liked to carry his own lead.
For those that remember video tapes, he used to love carrying those back to the rental shop - accompanied of course
Walked every day, probably 4 or 5 miles a day when he was old enough, even to the end when he was near 16 year old.
Through a particular park, he loved to jump over certain things, like small walls and park benches.
One day when out on the same walk, he jumped over something as normal, but collapsed on landing.
He was alive, but clearly something bad was wrong. After a while he started to recover, but I summoned a lift to come take him back home.
Rang VET but was told to monitor him and reduce his walking distance.
We did this, but it didn't take long before he began collapsing more frequently, so up to the VET for examination.
Basically he said he was having heart attacks, and the kindest thing to do was to take him home to say goodbye and have him put to sleep.
First worst day ever.
Next worst day ever was the following day, bringing him back for the injection.
Sat in the waiting room which seemed like forever, with him just looking up at me as though knew fine rightly was was happening, as he could clearly sense something wrong with me.
Brought him into the vets room, petted and hugged him while it happened.
Took me ******* ages to get over that. I remember being in such a mess the vet let me out the back rather than go through the surgery waiting room.
Could bring beers, take off socks, close doors, fetch shoes among other stuff.
Love to carry things, never like walking on his lead, instead he liked to carry his own lead.
For those that remember video tapes, he used to love carrying those back to the rental shop - accompanied of course
Walked every day, probably 4 or 5 miles a day when he was old enough, even to the end when he was near 16 year old.
Through a particular park, he loved to jump over certain things, like small walls and park benches.
One day when out on the same walk, he jumped over something as normal, but collapsed on landing.
He was alive, but clearly something bad was wrong. After a while he started to recover, but I summoned a lift to come take him back home.
Rang VET but was told to monitor him and reduce his walking distance.
We did this, but it didn't take long before he began collapsing more frequently, so up to the VET for examination.
Basically he said he was having heart attacks, and the kindest thing to do was to take him home to say goodbye and have him put to sleep.
First worst day ever.
Next worst day ever was the following day, bringing him back for the injection.
Sat in the waiting room which seemed like forever, with him just looking up at me as though knew fine rightly was was happening, as he could clearly sense something wrong with me.
Brought him into the vets room, petted and hugged him while it happened.
Took me ******* ages to get over that. I remember being in such a mess the vet let me out the back rather than go through the surgery waiting room.
16 March 2017, 03:30 PM
#27
If its any consolation, we had a border collie from puppy, lovely dog he was, and really intelligent.
Could bring beers, take off socks, close doors, fetch shoes among other stuff.
Love to carry things, never like walking on his lead, instead he liked to carry his own lead.
For those that remember video tapes, he used to love carrying those back to the rental shop - accompanied of course
Walked every day, probably 4 or 5 miles a day when he was old enough, even to the end when he was near 16 year old.
Through a particular park, he loved to jump over certain things, like small walls and park benches.
One day when out on the same walk, he jumped over something as normal, but collapsed on landing.
He was alive, but clearly something bad was wrong. After a while he started to recover, but I summoned a lift to come take him back home.
Rang VET but was told to monitor him and reduce his walking distance.
We did this, but it didn't take long before he began collapsing more frequently, so up to the VET for examination.
Basically he said he was having heart attacks, and the kindest thing to do was to take him home to say goodbye and have him put to sleep.
First worst day ever.
Next worst day ever was the following day, bringing him back for the injection.
Sat in the waiting room which seemed like forever, with him just looking up at me as though knew fine rightly was was happening, as he could clearly sense something wrong with me.
Brought him into the vets room, petted and hugged him while it happened.
Took me ******* ages to get over that. I remember being in such a mess the vet let me out the back rather than go through the surgery waiting room.
Could bring beers, take off socks, close doors, fetch shoes among other stuff.
Love to carry things, never like walking on his lead, instead he liked to carry his own lead.
For those that remember video tapes, he used to love carrying those back to the rental shop - accompanied of course
Walked every day, probably 4 or 5 miles a day when he was old enough, even to the end when he was near 16 year old.
Through a particular park, he loved to jump over certain things, like small walls and park benches.
One day when out on the same walk, he jumped over something as normal, but collapsed on landing.
He was alive, but clearly something bad was wrong. After a while he started to recover, but I summoned a lift to come take him back home.
Rang VET but was told to monitor him and reduce his walking distance.
We did this, but it didn't take long before he began collapsing more frequently, so up to the VET for examination.
Basically he said he was having heart attacks, and the kindest thing to do was to take him home to say goodbye and have him put to sleep.
First worst day ever.
Next worst day ever was the following day, bringing him back for the injection.
Sat in the waiting room which seemed like forever, with him just looking up at me as though knew fine rightly was was happening, as he could clearly sense something wrong with me.
Brought him into the vets room, petted and hugged him while it happened.
Took me ******* ages to get over that. I remember being in such a mess the vet let me out the back rather than go through the surgery waiting room.
Making that decision must be heart breaking and I'm so glad it was taken away from me, but in a none pain way.
Here's something I just posted on FB, honestly if you think it's odd that's fine, but anyone who has lost an animal will relate..
***
Anyone with a pet, I'd like you to do me another favour, this one's not for posting on FB though. When your pet is alive you feel like you're doing a good job, you pat them, hug them and tell them you love them (mostly) but when they pass you start to doubt yourself. Being the weirdo I am, I expected that and made videos of me talking to Tara about how much I love her, giving her affection and telling her how much I'd miss her if she died. Now I know this sounds morbid and weird, but I'd like you to trust me in the immense comfort that comes from watching those videos, because you will doubt yourself.
So, don't plan to do it later, or at the weekend, do it now when you get home, get your phone and record a video, or a few videos of your pet, talk and be natural and imagine you're watching this after they've passed away. Then save the video and lock it away for hopefully many, many happy years. (maybe do a new one once every few months) but I promise you, when the time comes you will message me and thank me for asking you to do this silly video with a healthy pet because it makes a big difference. A grieving mind is really screwed up.
Do it for me if nothing else and post when you have (not the video just to say you have) if nothing else it'll make me feel like my pain has motivated someone to reduce theirs in the future.
16 March 2017, 08:02 PM
#28
Ah man....
My 3rd GSD is now 8 yrs old and when i think of my last dogs it still brings tears to my eyes..
I cant even begin to say anything of consolation to you,but i do know how you feel amd its awful.
Im not sure what it is about german shepherds,but they do get under your skin and an incredible bond is formed.
We have had pups in the past but our last GSD was a rescue dog,there are so many out there now.. I would say consider it,when the time is right..
My 3rd GSD is now 8 yrs old and when i think of my last dogs it still brings tears to my eyes..
I cant even begin to say anything of consolation to you,but i do know how you feel amd its awful.
Im not sure what it is about german shepherds,but they do get under your skin and an incredible bond is formed.
We have had pups in the past but our last GSD was a rescue dog,there are so many out there now.. I would say consider it,when the time is right..
Last edited by fatscoobfella1; 16 March 2017 at 08:24 PM.
16 March 2017, 08:14 PM
#30
Yes i did....
That was our last GSD... Jackson,he was huge at 61kg and he made it 13yrs old.
The pics above are Stanley.....he is 8 now,we got him at around 18 months old from GSD rescue..
That was our last GSD... Jackson,he was huge at 61kg and he made it 13yrs old.
The pics above are Stanley.....he is 8 now,we got him at around 18 months old from GSD rescue..
Last edited by fatscoobfella1; 16 March 2017 at 08:20 PM.