angel1368

iTrader: (1)

My mum passed away this morning in my arms after a 4 month battle with cancer (she was 62) and my mum and i have talked about how her funeral should go and she said it would be nice if i could make a speech about how close my mum and i where, problem is before mum passed away i thought yes i can do that, now i cant stop blubbering and scared if i get up to do it ill freeze or burst into tears and dont want to ruin the service , has anyone else been through anything similar please

jonnyricer2

iTrader: (9)

Sorry to hear your loss. My mum passed away 4 year s ago now to similar circumstances.
I tried to do a speach but broke down about 4 words into it.

Good luck which.ever you decide but it's hard either way I'm afraid.

daviee

First of all my sincere condolences, gutted for you and as much this hurts it should always be a celebration of life. My advice is leave to the experts ie minister priest etc. Give them the whole story since she was born to leaving school to meeting your dad when they got married etc what her hobbies her love for her kids etc where she worked places she lived etc it will connect the whole congregation to a bond they had with your mother. If you are strong enough to deliver it there would be more of a personal touch. I have been to way to many funerals and they follow the same format in such that it is surprising that even how ever well you know some one I have always left with a small thing that I never knew about that person and makes me feel closer to them. For the record I lost my dad suddenly (66) and was way to numb to stand and say anything.

MATT93

Not any real help but sorry for you're loss.
My mum passed away before I knew her, I was only a few years old. Know how you're feeling.
Matthew.

powerwrx

iTrader: (11)

again I cant offer any real advice but try to stay strong for yourself and those around you..sorry for your loss mate.

stevebt

iTrader: (8)

Everyone in your situation will cry or find it hard to hold back tears even if they aren't making a small speech, just get up and do it as I don't think anyone will care if you get emotional as its quite normal.


Sorry for your loss and at 62 its still quite young RIP

Carnut

Yeah, sorry for your loss, i obviously didn't know your mum but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel any pressure, just write a speech and if it feels right go for it, if not make sure you've spoken to whom it concerns about a back up plan and explain your concerns before hand.
As mentioned before, celebrate her life, and once again, sorry for your loss.

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

Excellent advice

That's exactly what I did at my Mum's funeral. The priest was going to step in if I couldn't do it, but I did it OK and yes it's hard but actually rather cathartic.

Blue by You

iTrader: (23)

Sorry to hear this, 62 is too young.

MattyB1983

iTrader: (51)

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father 4 years ago, he was just 57. Him and I were extremely close, he was my best friend as well as my father.
At his funeral I really wanted to stand up and tell everybody what a fantastic man and father he was, but when it came to it i just couldn't, I was too upset.
If you don't think you can do it then don't feel you have to, you mother won't want you to do something that makes you feel awkward. Just go along to her grave regularly and tell her what's been going on in your life, that's what I do.

Right now you don't think things will ever be normal again, and if I'm honest they won't be. You never get used to it or stop missing them, you just learn to live with it.

kevo10

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my older brother at 50 from cancer . Then Mom from cancer and then Dad a few years ago .They all chose Humanist ceremonies , which celebrate their lives and achievements instead of the death and loss . I ,myself, found great comfort from the words said . At my Dads, myself and my brothers and sisters , found o urselves smiling and laughing at the eulogy made. Of course , it still upsets me at their loss, but then i smile to myself and remember all the laughter , fun and of course the bad times too. Im not saying dont get upset and cry and grieve but , just know, it does get better , even though, at the moment, it may not seem so

stiMIGHTYsti

iTrader: (1)

Feel for you, Lost my Dad in 2012 to cancer he was 57 could barely speak nether mind make a speech.

RB5 Boyo

Lost my dad last April to cancer also, along with 3 aunts and an uncle ALL within the one week (10th to 17th April 2014).

Have to agree with Matty, things will never be the same again and you never fully get over it but you just learn to live with it and get on with it as best you can. Every day from here on in there will be little things you come accross every day which remind you of your mum, some which leave you feeling sad but as time goes on some that make you smile and remember the good times and the funny times, and you may even have a little laugh

Rite now its just raw and you are probably running on autopilot and just going through the motions. I know funerals are a bit different over in England and it may be a week or two until the funeral, over here the funeral is two days after the death so before you know it everything's all over and you're sitting asking "yourself what just happened?? " its all so fast.

I dont think i could have spoke at my dads funeral but my cousin did a speech for us all and to be honest it took a lot of pressure off me as there was enough goin on. All i can advise you is to do what you can and if you feel up to it on the day go ahead but dont stress too much about it as no one will blame you if you dont feel you can do it, its a tough time and will take a long time before you get back to any sort of normality, but it will get easier.

Take care.

Alan Jeffery

I lost my Dad suddenly 22 years ago. I wasn't ready to give a speech then, but I think I could do it now when called upon. My Mum is 86, but doing fine. When the day comes I'll write down what I want to say which will help a lot. As the oldest of my siblings it's my place to take care of this, and I'll try and make it light and lively as my Mum deserves that. Finding funny stories isn't difficult!
I see a loss like a computer screen.
You have them in your life and on your page. When they aren't there any more, you just press the - on the top right. They aren't gone, there are just sitting on the bottom while you get on with stuff and if you want to go back for another look you can just open that window again.

Scooby Stevo

iTrader: (1)

my dad passed away 7 years ago today, never gave a speech as i knew i wouldn't be able to.
sorry for your loss, gets easier over time.

Tony Harrington

iTrader: (8)

My condolences to you & your family on the loss of your mother. I have officiate over several funerals so have some experience, the advice that has already been offered is very helpful indeed.

The best advice I can offer is in your own time to prepare what you would like to share as a celebration of your mothers life.

If on the day you feel strong enough then go ahead but just be aware that even though you feel strong that you never know how you will respond until you begin to share what you have prepared because the words are even more heartfelt on the day.

Another option is to ask another family member to take your place but share what you have written this will serve to take the pressure off yourself.

Blue by You

iTrader: (23)

Great piece Alan.

jameswrx

iTrader: (4)

All I'll say is just try and do it. Nobody will blame you for crying like a baby if you need to. But, if you don't do it you may well regret it for the rest of your life.

Steve001

iTrader: (7)

Can't imagine what your going through so sorry for your loss

Go for it and if you do break down you could use this as a backup plan.

Get some nice pictures and videos of your mum, load them onto a computer and record your speech over the top maybe with your mums favourite song in the background. It sounds a bit clinical but this worked really well at a friends funeral last year, there wasn't a dry eye in the room, including me.

Brun

Agreed - I did it at my Grandad's funeral and am so glad I went through with it.
You can always give it a go but have someone standing by who is prepared to take over if you are struggling.

albob

from tony harrington's post

"Another option is to ask another family member to take your place but share what you have written, this will serve to take the pressure off yourself"

This would also be my advice. If you feel up to it - do it. If not give the relative/friend
the nod, so they can take over..

Also - you don't need to tell others how close you were to your mum - the important person already knew that.....

R.I.P.

SteveMy96wrx

It's not an easy thing to do - everyone will say that. Having done the same last summer my advice would be to have another family member (in my case brother in law) set up ready with a copy of the speech who can say your words on your behalf if you break down.

Also, write the speech and read it out loud over and over again so you get used to saying the words.

Have a printed copy with you and print it double spaced, double space between lines and double (at least) sized font - you need to be able to read it with tears in your eyes!

Take a deep breath and do it for your mum - she'd be very proud.

Beastie

iTrader: (2)

My Dad passed away in October last year. My son recited the poem by Henry van Dyke.

Gone From My Sight
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

shytorque

Condolences..
Concentrate on writing the speech but let the priest read it out.
I wrote one for my sister who passed away nearly 3 years ago aged 49.
It was difficult to write without crying ,let alone read it to everyone at the funeral.
Either way it will be your words and the message will be the same whoever reads it out.
Again our thoughts are with you.
Regards

JTaylor

And when the stream that overflows has passed,
A consciousness remains upon the silent shore of memory;
Images and precious thoughts that shall not be
And cannot be destroyed.

Wordsworth.

greenonedave

Not everybody is capable of public speaking, if you have any doubt ( bearing in mind the emotional situation you will be in ) why not write a few well chosen words and ask the
Head of the service to announce them on your behalf.