Anelka got sent home from the French camp for abusing the manager - Capello, if you are reading this, Heskey just called you a c***"

Jermain Defoe was in a bar last night and said to a woman "Get you coat love, we're going back to my hotel" - She replied "you're a little forward"

tension has started to build in the England camp, but Fabio's told them not to worry, lots of people get nervous before they get on a flight.

Oxo are producing a cube in the colours of the St George cross. It's going to be called a laughing stock.

Rooney has been told that he can take part in today's game as long as he has a Cortizone Injection - David Beckham overheard this and is demanding that if Rooney is getting a new car out of this, he wants one too.

Just heard a man on death row in Utah has been told he can choose his own firing squad. He's chosen Rooney, Heskey, Gerrard and Lampard!

And a French one .......Avatar being re-released in France, so people can see a blue team win...

 

The England team visited an orphanage the other day in South Africa.

'It was great to put a smile on the faces of a group of people who constantly struggle and have little hope'

said Albert Umboto, aged 6

 

England have a new coach................its taking them to the airport on Thursday

 

.....and Tescos have reduced ALL their England clothing to half price.
There's confidence for you!

 

England are to change their shirts,the three lions are to be replaced with three tampons to represent the worst period ever

South african police are hunting the idiotswho had no right being in the english dressing room, so far they have 11 suspects

Judge to child: do you want to live with your mother?
Child: no
Judge: why?
Child: she beats me
Judge: okay so you want to live with your father?
Child: no
Judge: why not?
Child: he beats me to
Judge: so who do you want to live with??
Child:England team
Judge: WHY????
child: they never beat anyone

 

 

You lot need to get behind these boys they played well today. I really enjoyed the game and cant wait till Sunday.

Get in boys well done.

No faith you should be ashamed

 

Admittedly they played better today - from what I heard on the radio - but seeing them play on Friday didn't really fill me (or most other people) with confidence that they could do it!!

 

all future televised matches haved moved 2 the gay adult channel as the sight of 11 arseholes getting kicked around for 90 minutes was 2 far explicit for terrestail tv

 

If they have to resort to kicking the ball about in the corner for 10 minutes against a crap team then we really should be asking ourselves if we have what it takes.

 

At least the French are out……….

That reminds me – the other week I had my very first “French” Self Defence lesson……..

I haven’t run so far for ages….

 

History repeating itself?

The French surrendered early, the Yanks arrive at the last minute and we are left to fight the Germans?

 

There was some support for England from South Africans in the crowd today.

I should f***ing hope so, we dont pay £2 a month for nothing

 

My wife said she's leaving me because my eye sight is **** and I can't see anything.

I nearly dropped my linesman flag!

 

The Wembley turf is being dug up again, and this time it's being laid with old copies of The Sun, The Star etc..

Well everybody keeps saying that on paper England are a good team.

 

News just in....

TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland today after the entire country laughed itself to death. The alarm was first raised at around 4pm as thousands of phone calls and text messages went unanswered.

Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle ventured north only to find houses full of dead people gathered around still blaring television sets.
As RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal rupture.
Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of Tennents. They seemed to be at peace."
He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and pants round his knees.
"It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."

Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 3:40PM
"He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."

Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.

 

The England teams plane has been diverted to land at Glasgo airport where they will receive a hero's welcoming!!!

 

the england team will make history tommorow, they will be the first white men to land in england and told to f!!! off back to africa .

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?







According to FIFA it didn't!

 

What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and an ambitious person?

The ambitious person has goals.

 

I love fantasy football, although these days it's called 'supporting england'

 

ITV have made a change to their programmes for tonight, instead of the scheduled World Cup Football Highlights they will be showing the film "Out of Africa"

 

POLICE STATEMENT: A man has been found dead in a river at 6pm, wearing an England shirt, womens knickers, fishnet stockings, suspenders, a blow up doll on the end of his todger and a impliment stuck up his rear.

Police have removed the shirt to spare his family any embarrassment.

 

David Blaine was said to be in tears yesterday
...because his record of doing fcukall in a box for 42 days was beaten by Wayne Rooney.

 

Weather warning from met office, keep all windows and doors shut tonight as we're expecting a shower of **** to arrive this evening from South Africa

 

Landed safely back in the UK

Snuck out through the 'back door'

Whisked away in vehicles with blacked out windows

Ironically ALL the cars were GERMAN pmsl!

 

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive.

He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely crap.

British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

 

England players made an unexpected outburst during a press conference this morning calling Sepp Blatter "a fat Swiss, big-headed, arrogant numpty" following Blatter's public apology to the FA.

FIFA have indicated however that no action will be taken against them, as their remarks have been deemed not to have crossed the line.

 

Anyone interested in hiring an open top bus to go round Trafalgar Square on the 12th of July? – It’s just I've had some Italian bloke cancel on me at short notice.