As I get older I become more belligerent and grumpy, being wealthy makes him speshul ?

dunx

 

Ripping a Metro around a field seems a bit....



To be honest if I had you for a son in law I'd probably feel the same way

 

Its just the kids having a bit of fun, learning a bit of car control and we didn't have a spare 911 or Bentley.

You seem very hostile at the moment, perhaps we need to get you checked out as well

As son in laws go, he could have done a lot worse, in my humble opinion !

 

Thanks

 

I work with a variety of people with mental illnesses including dementia and although there can be aggression I would think the alcohol could more be the issue,why he drinks so much? Some people especially men can get grumpier and more rude and aggressive as they get older but as everyone as already said they're has to be consequences for his actions,give him some time to think about his behavior or if not leave him to be a grump alone as misery likes company

 

So you checked out my location before you had a go at my spelling...what a tosser

 

You should al sit round and have a friendly chat. If he wNts it ooffff his land remove it with no hard feelings. Put it in the river instead

 

Could he be diabetic? I had a similar sounding issue with my ex-Mother-in-law. Turns out she had undiagnosed type 2 diabetes, which was making it difficult for her to control her moods and resulting in lots of outbursts. Now it is being treated she is like a different person.

 

get him checked out at the doc's if all is well this approach worked for me
TAKE TO ONE SIDE and politely explain in a menacing tone that there are only 3 reasons why the grumpy old **** is still alive
reason 1 luck
reason 2 you don't want to do time and he isn't worth it
reason 3 you can't afford a hit man
this worked a treat for me my father inlaw is now scared ****less of me especially after i told him reason 2 would become nil and void if i get told i have a terminal illness while he is alive

 

Yes it may be medical. Some sort of vitamin or nutrient defiency over a few years.
Maybe he's not sleeping And worrying about something

 

Dr Harold Shipman

 

Well f,ucking take him to one then and stop posting irrelevant pics of some old Metro driving around a field......

Hope it works out.

dl

 

No, i checked your location and then didn't have a go at your spelling, although it takes something for me to resist commenting when an adult doesn't have a grip of the two and three letter words of the language

 

It's the one letter words that concern me.......

dl

 

Hi Jacko - you have PM - apologies for the spelling - actually my crap typing - didn't spoll check it first!

 

It's/its still hurting?

I'm not re-iterating my reason for typing i lower case. Must have been done 20+ times now.

 

It is the one letter words....... Is that better?

Youf eh

dl

 

What? I've been more confused on this thread since, oooh, yesterday


So Jacko, what ya gunna do, huh?

 

Cheers everyone, didnt have much chance to discuss it last night but I did mention the possibility of Alzheimers to my wife who spoke to sister in law who is in the medical profession, mainly assesing kids with autism but she has a good level of knowledge and she doesnt think its that but agrees he should be checked out. I think they all need to get together, i.e. his kids and decide, I dont feel it is my place, I can only really voice an opinion if it is asked for and my leaving unannounced has kind of brought it to the surface. She has three brothers, one is quite aloof and just gets on with it, one is spot on and of the same mind and the other is a kind of mini me of his father, they all need to talk to present a united front as at the moment, nobody wants anything to do with him.

He does have type 2 Diabetes, we know that, not sure what the guidelines are for drinking when diabetic but even when you are not, drinking every night is not a way to feel great the rest of the time.

My wife has just started a new job so needs to focus for a little while on that but will mention it in a few days if nothing happens as I really dont want to go anywhere near, I havent called and they havent called me, suspect in the pressure cooker of their house that they are in all day, every day its been turned into a really big deal.

 

I have got to laugh at all the medical reasons for his moods! Maybe the guy is just a crabit old barsteward!

I havent set foot in my in laws house in over ten years, i can't stand the pair of them and wont be two faced about it! I never went to her in doors twin sisters wedding as it ment i would have to sit with them.

 

It is true that some elderly people do get awkward and can be very unpleasant, as well as younger ones.

I think you did the right thing when you walked out, I was going to suggest that you did exactly that taking the children and your wife.

I reckon that if you make the first move to placate him, he will automatically take that as an admission by you that he was right all along. You may be better off if you let him stew in his own juice for a while. It is certainly difficult to deal with self opinionated people like that unless you can put a doubt about themselves in their mind.

Les

 

Can the old folk get and suffer with that ADSD thingy? My youngest son has a couple of mates that suffer with it and if they don't take their medicine then anyone can suffer from their temper

And as far as ruts go, (I presume you mean in the grass) then any bloody car will leave ruts, but maybe less if there on tracks

I would also stay away from the in-laws for a week or two (at least) just to let things die out. If they start up again, I would explain to both of them (in-laws) the reason you left before and why you haven't had contact since. Let them know your frustration and how much you have perciveered (spelling) with it. And that (as they say) was the straw that broke the camels back
I would then appologise for it but say you would do it again without hesitation. Make them see that you meant what you said/done but you don't mean to offend anyone, but that's that etc

 

Pretty much my plan really.

Dont see why he is so precious about the grass, we said we would go the other end to avoid the bit they walk the dog on so they dont trip over any ruts, its not like it is that bad, its just something to moan about.

He moans about everything and anything, its like he likes the attention, everything is a drama, every meal my mother in law cooks is "crap" or too cold, too hot etc when in reality its really nice, invites you round and then moans about how much the meat cost, he sits there and shouts like a toddler for stuff "Wheres my cheese" and she goes and gets it, get up and get it yourself, you have legs ! she goes out and then gets called all sorts of names when she gets back and accused of all sorts of things.... whenever either of them is on the phone they interupt all the time. He sees anyone of a different race on TV he starts ranting about "Bloody Wogs", any meal is a trial as one minute its chilled and then he changes the atmosphere, she is telling him to shut up all the time and he sits there farting, burping and coughing all the time.

He moans when nobody goes round then asks you what you are doing there, you cant have a conversation with him, you get a few words then he ignores you, tunes out, turns the tv on or up.

Will see what the next few days bring.

 

Real dilemma.......I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation. You seem to be handling it pretty well imo. Hope it gets sorted out one way or the other....life's too short to be putting up with that kind of unpleasantness for any length of time.

I think I would be tempted to tell where to stick his grass tbh but then if it turned out to be medical then I'd feel pretty guilty doing that.

Good Luck

 

Sounds like dementia tbh mate and his Mrs just lets him get on with it, but really she should be looking for possible help with him and it
Probably best to stay away for a little while to see if it dies down. At the end of the day, you want to stay sweet with wifey and kids
Does your Mrs moan at you about them and what there like etc?

 

Yes, quite often, usually if she spends any time with her mum she just nowadays moans about him constantly and I can see why, its like having a Monkey on your back, they should be enjoying their later years but how can you with that, she is a nice person but can get a bit snipey sometimes but I reckon its a reaction to being constantly, and I mean constantly put down "God youre fat", "My god you are Ugly" or if she eats anything calorific "You shouldnt be eating that, you are huge enough already" (she isnt actually big), being told everything you cook is awful. Its a shame as he used to be quite a laugh sometimes, despite always being hard work. I think most women would have left him due to the constant ragging but for some reason she puts up with it, think she is a little bit stuck for ideas about existing in the outside world, things like filling the car with fuel, paying bills etc.

 

Some people can take all the crap that they are thrown, but don't neccasarily like it. Like the people that get beaten by their husbands, but don't leave them because they think they love them etc. Maybe the mother in-law is like that But it is still no life for her or anyone else who has to live with it.

Has your Mrs tried to talking to her mum about him? Maybe if she can drum some sense in her head she might then think about doing something about him. like getting him some help maybe or at least down the the quacks for a check up. Sorry if I have missed this, but how old are your kids? Are they moaning about their grandad and his behaviour? Maybe use them a little with them moaning that they don't really enjoy seeing him any more. Sometimes kids can actually do a lot without you and them realising

 

She is pretty stubborn, they both avoid anything medical like the plague and I reckon she would just think the idea was barmy, the kids just accept he is a grumpy old git, my kids are 12,14 and 15, all boys but he also has 5 grandaughters who are about 5 to 10 and it was them who he was moaning about, in front of them and got told off for it by my wife.

He used to do the occasional fun thing but doesnt seem to be arsed with them, spends most of his day doing crosswords and watching Sky news, we go round and he puts it on and tells us loudly to shut up, Sky news is on all day, every day, wouldnt hurt to turn it off whilst he has company, we go round and sometimes he doesnt emerge from the lounge, I make a point of going and saying hello so he cannot escape acknowledging me, bad form to know you have visitors and completely ignore them. I have really tried with him, made a point of reading up on stuff he is interested in, asking him further about when he raced cars, cars he has had in the past and anything I could think of but it is a rare day if he does any more than grunt or give one word answers.

Dont understand him, materially he has everything a man could ever need and has had plenty of "stuff" in the past, nice holidays, cars, travel, hobbies and whatever, nice house, his wife still with him for some reason, four kids, eight grandchildren, apparently not enough to keep him happy though, when you think that some people have literally nothing or nobody you wonder what his problem is. I think he could do with getting a visit off three ghosts this Christmas myself.

Still no word from either of them.

 

Not sure what to say really, because it sounds like what ever you do it probably wont be the right thing.
I would stay away for a while, maybe get the Mrs and kids to do the same thing. They will soon wonder why your not going round. Maybe explain to the mother-in-law why you are not going round and that you have bit your lip all this time but feel you can't do it anymore.
Your boys are probably old enough not to be too bothered about going round there, apart from driving the car. But if that's a problem now, then they should understand and not be bothered.

Just souns like he's gonna get worse anyway and will eventually drive all the family away unless there really that thick skinned and can't see a problem. My mum is similar, not as bad as your father-in-law but is set in her ways and we ignore her when she starts and gets in strop lol. I think shes just turned 80

 

Cheers Mate, you are very perceptive of the situation, honestly nailed on and I am goign to do just that, nothing, there are 4 kids of theirs, my wife and three brothers, one still lives with them and is kind of a mini me of his dad to a certain extent, shouldnt still live there in that atmosphere but thats his luck out, should move out and get a job, one is reasonably local but doesnt seem to have much to do with them, not sure of his opinion but I think he is on the same page, the other one lives down south and is very on the ball and sick of it as well, he longer wants to go round either as he finds it very frustrating and depressing as does my wife and we have decided to not discuss it any more as we just go over the same ground.

I have no need to go round there really, I dont want to think like that but in reality I dont, went round four times the previous week to configure computer stuff for them, researched the options, bought all the gear, returned what wasnt needed, installed it, configured it, explained it and returned when it "didnt work", got there after the moaning phone call and it was totally fine, sorted out their email, their Ipad, wireless network, Power Ethernet, PC, router, wiring and all that and when the kids want a go in the car I get that attitude, surely he could either say no politely, put up with a bit of churned field or effect a compromise like I was suggesting. Not bothered now, the kids had a few goes in it but I guess now I will move it so its not an option, thing is all his kids used to play for ages in old scrappers in the same field and it wasnt an issue then and they turned it into a bog.

He is a total control freak as well, things like banning his wife from using Facebook, I hate that type of male attitude, proper old fashioned sexism, you arent going to stop men looking at women but we sure as hell can stop treating women like that, one is natrual and the other is tragic.