Just found out my mate has terminal cancer.......
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When we did the IT Support for Derby City Council I was asked to go and install / configure a desktop pc at a guy's house. His wife was dying of terminal cancer, so the Council basically let him work from home (paid for a broadband link etc) so he could spend as much time as possible with his wife.
I walked into the house dreading being there and thinking it was going to be some kind of moribund household.
I was greeted by the guy and his young daughter who was laughing her socks off and playing silly sods. The lady (who was just flipping lovely) was smiling, joking, offering cups of tea, playing with the kids - you know: having fun; while I was setting up the pc.
It wasn't long before I was getting involved in the laughter myself - joking and watching the kids clown around - great, great fun
When all the setting up was done I demonstrated everything to the guy (and his wife - she wanted to know everything that was going on) made sure everyone was happy, said my goodbyes and left - everyone smiling, laughing - the house felt so *bright*. It was a genuinely uplifting experience.
The thing was: I sat in my car ready to drive off, looked back to the house and just filled up. I couldn't stop myself, I had tears streaming down my face and was *laughing*.
The lady died 9 months later, and I bet every day was spent the same way.
If I was ever in that situation myself: that's how I would want things to be. You don't mourn a death, you celebrate a life - so why not fill the last days with some joy?
I walked into the house dreading being there and thinking it was going to be some kind of moribund household.
I was greeted by the guy and his young daughter who was laughing her socks off and playing silly sods. The lady (who was just flipping lovely) was smiling, joking, offering cups of tea, playing with the kids - you know: having fun; while I was setting up the pc.
It wasn't long before I was getting involved in the laughter myself - joking and watching the kids clown around - great, great fun
When all the setting up was done I demonstrated everything to the guy (and his wife - she wanted to know everything that was going on) made sure everyone was happy, said my goodbyes and left - everyone smiling, laughing - the house felt so *bright*. It was a genuinely uplifting experience.
The thing was: I sat in my car ready to drive off, looked back to the house and just filled up. I couldn't stop myself, I had tears streaming down my face and was *laughing*.
The lady died 9 months later, and I bet every day was spent the same way.
If I was ever in that situation myself: that's how I would want things to be. You don't mourn a death, you celebrate a life - so why not fill the last days with some joy?
Les
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From: Zed Ess Won Hay Tee
A lad at work had the same thing, a few weeks ago he is showing another bloke this lump on his leg
"wtf is that??"
"dunno i have had it ages"
"mate you should get it checked out"
"aye i suppose"
He got it checked out and they told him the bad news around 2 weeks back, he died on friday
The bloke was still working in the factory, so i`m not sure what the deal is, apparently it had spread all over his body and they could do nothing, personally i have never met the bloke, but most others have.
"wtf is that??"
"dunno i have had it ages"
"mate you should get it checked out"
"aye i suppose"
He got it checked out and they told him the bad news around 2 weeks back, he died on friday
The bloke was still working in the factory, so i`m not sure what the deal is, apparently it had spread all over his body and they could do nothing, personally i have never met the bloke, but most others have.
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From: S.E London
Sorry to hear your news, and your friends news of course. There is no right and wrong way to deal with these things, and having just lost mum to cancer I can only offer you all my thoughts and sympathies at this time.
I found sharing my feelings very openly helpful, which irriated some, but sod them.
If you ever want advice, there is plenty on here, some great people have offered much support over mums 3.5 years. I am always about to bounce feeling off. I have blogged most of my feelings about it all too.
Dont any of you ever think you are alone, or that you are being irrational, everyone copes differently. Since mum was diagnosed I have lost 2 much younger friends to cancer also. It is an evil disease.
I wish your friend all the best. And hope you cope ok with the coming weeks and months.
I found sharing my feelings very openly helpful, which irriated some, but sod them.
If you ever want advice, there is plenty on here, some great people have offered much support over mums 3.5 years. I am always about to bounce feeling off. I have blogged most of my feelings about it all too.
Dont any of you ever think you are alone, or that you are being irrational, everyone copes differently. Since mum was diagnosed I have lost 2 much younger friends to cancer also. It is an evil disease.
I wish your friend all the best. And hope you cope ok with the coming weeks and months.
Had the funeral for my Uncle on Monday, throat cancer, usually one of the more surviveable (see Michael Douglas, Bryan Robson for recent cases) but this one was inoperable.
They were honest about that and said radiotherapy etc would be the best bet. Basically made him really ill and it did nothing for the cancer. He fought it while he was having treatment, telling family what he'd be doing once he was better (big biker so wanted to get over to watch the TT again) but as soon as they said the treatment had failed he just lost the will to keep going. They gave him 3 months, perhaps longer "if you are lucky". Thing is he was so unwell by then and he knew he wouldn't do the things he wanted. Died four weeks and two days later.
Conversely my Gran died last year from secondary breast cancer really. She had the mastectomy but they missed some of the nodes so had to go back again for them to re-do it. Unfortunately that gave it the chance to spread so it was in her lungs and grew fast.
Also offered her the treatments but she turned them down, preferring to stay as actve as possible until the inevitable happened. Died the day after her birthday. We were all in the room watching the clock drag its self past midnight just so it wouldn't be 'that day'.
Really brave all the way through, never complained although she was in agony with it. The syringe driver they had in the hospice broke and the nurse didn't notice for hours. It was my mum that finally got them to check it but it didn't make her complain. Last thing I can remember her saying is that "everyone has been to see me" for her birthday, hardly woke up from then.
Wouldn't wish it on anyone but my advice to you and your mate is live a bit while you can. If he fights, he will have more time so get a list of things together and don't take any "it'll be too much trouble" or "i'm putting you out" chat from him. He's bound to get depressed so be as strong as possible, talk about the holidays and things. then, when you leave his house, have a good sob if you need to.
5t.
They were honest about that and said radiotherapy etc would be the best bet. Basically made him really ill and it did nothing for the cancer. He fought it while he was having treatment, telling family what he'd be doing once he was better (big biker so wanted to get over to watch the TT again) but as soon as they said the treatment had failed he just lost the will to keep going. They gave him 3 months, perhaps longer "if you are lucky". Thing is he was so unwell by then and he knew he wouldn't do the things he wanted. Died four weeks and two days later.
Conversely my Gran died last year from secondary breast cancer really. She had the mastectomy but they missed some of the nodes so had to go back again for them to re-do it. Unfortunately that gave it the chance to spread so it was in her lungs and grew fast.
Also offered her the treatments but she turned them down, preferring to stay as actve as possible until the inevitable happened. Died the day after her birthday. We were all in the room watching the clock drag its self past midnight just so it wouldn't be 'that day'.
Really brave all the way through, never complained although she was in agony with it. The syringe driver they had in the hospice broke and the nurse didn't notice for hours. It was my mum that finally got them to check it but it didn't make her complain. Last thing I can remember her saying is that "everyone has been to see me" for her birthday, hardly woke up from then.
Wouldn't wish it on anyone but my advice to you and your mate is live a bit while you can. If he fights, he will have more time so get a list of things together and don't take any "it'll be too much trouble" or "i'm putting you out" chat from him. He's bound to get depressed so be as strong as possible, talk about the holidays and things. then, when you leave his house, have a good sob if you need to.
5t.
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