The 2009-2010 Liverpool Thread
funny as
11 January 2010, 06:30 PM
#302
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Before anyone else gets in 
Originally Posted by The Daily Mash
RAFAEL Benitez last night said he had cleared out the dead wood from the Liverpool squad, leaving him with the four players he really needs.
Thirty seven players have been sold by the manager, raising almost £400 in transfer fees. Many fetched far greater sums than expected as they came equipped with their own boots and training bibs.
Benitez said: "We no longer have Dossena clumping around the pitch like 14 stone of porridge in shorts, but we do have a new kettle for the boot room."
Liverpool will be looking to their talismanic players Torres and Gerrard even more in the coming months as they will be expected to cover nine-tenths of the pitch by themselves.
Benitez said Reina will continue to man the goal and defensive duties will be covered by Carragher, adding: "Selling a fat Russian **** actor masquerading as a striker was one thing, but trying to offload a defender with the turning circle of a dead horse and an accent like a tuba having a row was impossible."
The manager said the club's next big task is to move the entire stadium slightly to the left 'so we can unearth the pirate king’s onions that have cursed us with poor results'.
Assistant manager Sammy Lee said "I can't leave him alone for five minutes. Last year he set fire to the pitch because the grass was 'looking at him funny'. Please do bear with us, it won't be long now."
Thirty seven players have been sold by the manager, raising almost £400 in transfer fees. Many fetched far greater sums than expected as they came equipped with their own boots and training bibs.
Benitez said: "We no longer have Dossena clumping around the pitch like 14 stone of porridge in shorts, but we do have a new kettle for the boot room."
Liverpool will be looking to their talismanic players Torres and Gerrard even more in the coming months as they will be expected to cover nine-tenths of the pitch by themselves.
Benitez said Reina will continue to man the goal and defensive duties will be covered by Carragher, adding: "Selling a fat Russian **** actor masquerading as a striker was one thing, but trying to offload a defender with the turning circle of a dead horse and an accent like a tuba having a row was impossible."
The manager said the club's next big task is to move the entire stadium slightly to the left 'so we can unearth the pirate king’s onions that have cursed us with poor results'.
Assistant manager Sammy Lee said "I can't leave him alone for five minutes. Last year he set fire to the pitch because the grass was 'looking at him funny'. Please do bear with us, it won't be long now."
14 January 2010, 07:33 AM
#305
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So happy to see this after the **** united got after being knocked out by Leeds.
Things really are dire at LFC and your only hope now is 4th spot. Raffa needs to go (but I hope he stays
) but I don't think
You can afford to? I thought he had a 20 million buy out clause?
Things really are dire at LFC and your only hope now is 4th spot. Raffa needs to go (but I hope he stays
) but I don't thinkYou can afford to? I thought he had a 20 million buy out clause?
14 January 2010, 06:08 PM
#309
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I think you lot need to see the bigger picture. 
The seasons actually shaping up nicely. Dumped out of the Cup last night, we'll be gone from the Europa whatever it's called next.
Then the fixture list will be clear for a monumental run on the Premiership, while everyone is scrabbling around in other competitions. 4th place? Pah, I'm looking at second, or, maybe, the title.
Austin Maxi has signed, world class apparently, and he's the first of many, unknown world class players we have lined up.
I think we'll go unbeaten in the league between now and, oh at least the end of the week. ( Disclaimer: Only if you count the week ending on Friday )
Keep the momentum going Rafa! We believe in you.
"Nurse, the pills! "
The seasons actually shaping up nicely. Dumped out of the Cup last night, we'll be gone from the Europa whatever it's called next.
Then the fixture list will be clear for a monumental run on the Premiership, while everyone is scrabbling around in other competitions. 4th place? Pah, I'm looking at second, or, maybe, the title.
Austin Maxi has signed, world class apparently, and he's the first of many, unknown world class players we have lined up.
I think we'll go unbeaten in the league between now and, oh at least the end of the week. ( Disclaimer: Only if you count the week ending on Friday )
Keep the momentum going Rafa! We believe in you.
"Nurse, the pills! "
18 January 2010, 08:07 PM
#315
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NEWS FLASH! Liverpool games have been moved from sky sports to the gay adult channel, the site of 11 ****'s getting hammered for 90 mins every week is getting far too explicit!
19 January 2010, 06:10 PM
#318
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A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"
"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"
"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"
"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"
"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."
27 January 2010, 11:07 AM
#322
Good man - I knew there was a thread
so then, what do you all think then with regards to the Juventus rumours?
I'm a United fan myself, but I think that he's got to go now.
Bad team decisions, even worse buying decisions.
Personally I'd like him to say of course
so then, what do you all think then with regards to the Juventus rumours?
I'm a United fan myself, but I think that he's got to go now.
Bad team decisions, even worse buying decisions.
Personally I'd like him to say of course
Last edited by urban; 27 January 2010 at 01:14 PM.
27 January 2010, 12:59 PM
#323
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another corner turned.... they must be getting dizzy now!
Sky Sports | Football | News | Gerrard - We've turned corner
Sky Sports | Football | News | Gerrard - We've turned corner
27 January 2010, 07:56 PM
#325
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Corners
Its good we are turning them, as we cannot defend them along with free kicks and long throws.
Please go to Juve RB, take Kuyt and Benayoun with you as they cannot pass a ball to another red shirt.
Kuyt scored a cracking goal recently but 1 in every fifty converted is not EPL standard.
Please go to Juve RB, take Kuyt and Benayoun with you as they cannot pass a ball to another red shirt.
Kuyt scored a cracking goal recently but 1 in every fifty converted is not EPL standard.
18 February 2010, 09:27 PM
#326
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Just because your season is over doesn't mean you cant contribute to your own thread 
Anyway who the **** are you playing tonight, are they an old school Romanian team that renamed itself or some pub side that's done well for themselves ??
Anyway who the **** are you playing tonight, are they an old school Romanian team that renamed itself or some pub side that's done well for themselves ??
19 February 2010, 10:09 PM
#329
Obviously, I've never heard of them really, but I think Unirea are a pub side as they played the Northwich Victoria prior to this game (although I assume that they played their first team for that crunch game)
19 February 2010, 10:13 PM
#330
412/425 of forged love
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If you saw the game, did anyone see what i did.
Right at the end during a liverpool counter there was a random bloke in blue running off the pitch near the corner flag? I only had game on in back ground so dont know why he was there. wasnt a player or a fan as no one approached him and the ref said nothing
Right at the end during a liverpool counter there was a random bloke in blue running off the pitch near the corner flag? I only had game on in back ground so dont know why he was there. wasnt a player or a fan as no one approached him and the ref said nothing