Do I have the legal right ?
19 January 2008, 12:31 AM
#151
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19 January 2008, 12:35 AM
#155
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Oh ma cherie, ca tu derange si je parle en francais a toi? (makes he-hon, he-hon noises and blah balhs in the language of lurve 
)
Strawberries and champagne are my favourite apertif! <passes little-ginge a bucket of strawberries and a gallon of champers>
Got a glass spare? Any strawberries?)Strawberries and champagne are my favourite apertif! <passes little-ginge a bucket of strawberries and a gallon of champers>
19 January 2008, 12:51 AM
#159
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LOL! I think I'll toddle off to bed and think of ginger things LOL I'm a ginge myself so we should continue to propogate the species under an umbrella of protection from the United Nations Thanks to all of you on this thread -- even though it has been hijacked somewhat -- for lifting my spirits and here's hoping that Swiss will find closure, agreement, and a lasting solution to the problem in the original post.
LOL I'm a ginge myself so we should continue to propogate the species under an umbrella of protection from the United Nations Thanks to all of you on this thread -- even though it has been hijacked somewhat -- for lifting my spirits and here's hoping that Swiss will find closure, agreement, and a lasting solution to the problem in the original post.
19 January 2008, 02:07 AM
#160
bloody hell 
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
Set the Social Health - Childcare Zombies on to her
Recommended intake
Often these problems arise when intake is considered to be really quite high. Moderation and balance is the key. British recommendations are two to three units of alcohol a day for women and three to four units for men. It's a good idea to have two or to three alcohol-free days each week.
What's a unit?
One unit is considered to be 8g of alcohol. Often units are quoted as being one small glass of wine, half a pint of beer or one pub measure of spirits.
However, the alcohol content of different products does vary. Some stronger beers and lagers may contain as many as 2.5 units of alcohol per half pint. The size of some drinks may also vary; home measures of spirits are usually more generous than pub measures, and many bars now serve large glasses of wine (175ml, around 2 units) as standard.
Cans of beer and lager often contain about three-quarters of a pint, rather than half, and so will contain 1.5 units - more if the product is high strength.
To calculate the number of units you need to know the strength of the drink (% ABV) and amount of liquid in millimetres (one pint is 568ml; a small glass of wine 125ml). You multiply the amount of drink in millilitres by the percentage ABV, and then divide by 1,000. To make matters easier many manufacturers are now stating how many units of alcohol each can or bottle contains.
19 January 2008, 02:12 AM
#161
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I will come in now and say my piece!
I was a single mother when my daughter was 3 weeks old! I offered her father access but he was not interested (far too bust down the pub drinking)! He also has 2 kids from a previous marriage and jesus christ he had it easy compared to Swiss!
It came time to move house as I only had a 1 bed house and I needed money from him so I asked him and got no where so I had to go to the csa! After months of trying I got £22 a week! I had to pay £84 a week childcare so I could work so I never asked for more money!!!!!
My daughter now goes to nursery (paid for by me) and tap dancing and ballet and I pay for that too! No extra money as my £22 a week is THE ONLY MONEY I AM ENTITLED TO!
Swiss' ex is a bitch who is lucky to have the father around who wants to be a father! I never had that luxuary! I have to pay for everything! but at the end of the day it is my choice to live the life style I do so I should be the one to pay for it, not expect my ex to pay the tab and sit on my **** making him pay!
I was a single mother when my daughter was 3 weeks old! I offered her father access but he was not interested (far too bust down the pub drinking)! He also has 2 kids from a previous marriage and jesus christ he had it easy compared to Swiss!
It came time to move house as I only had a 1 bed house and I needed money from him so I asked him and got no where so I had to go to the csa! After months of trying I got £22 a week! I had to pay £84 a week childcare so I could work so I never asked for more money!!!!!
My daughter now goes to nursery (paid for by me) and tap dancing and ballet and I pay for that too! No extra money as my £22 a week is THE ONLY MONEY I AM ENTITLED TO!
Swiss' ex is a bitch who is lucky to have the father around who wants to be a father! I never had that luxuary! I have to pay for everything! but at the end of the day it is my choice to live the life style I do so I should be the one to pay for it, not expect my ex to pay the tab and sit on my **** making him pay!
19 January 2008, 10:38 AM
#163
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19 January 2008, 10:55 AM
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Sounds as though she is taking you for as much as she thinks she can get without any sense of fair play. Is your financial agreement with her all signed up? I reckon you are being perfectly fair myself, but I would be worrying that she might apply to the CSA to force you to pay more. She has obviously got her knife into you and the female half usually gets the whip hand from the courts. It can be very unfair.
As everyone says, if you give in it will get worse and I am sorry you have to put up with it all.
You might well have a case in that she is risking being thought unfit to care for the children because of her behaviour. Could be something you could use in your defence towards her.
Les
As everyone says, if you give in it will get worse and I am sorry you have to put up with it all.
You might well have a case in that she is risking being thought unfit to care for the children because of her behaviour. Could be something you could use in your defence towards her.
Les
19 January 2008, 11:35 AM
#165
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I dont go to her father asking for more! I work too so that tops up what she should have. Ex's are awful! Maybe I am too nice to mine but at the end of the day he does not see our daughter, just gives £22 a week and that is it for him!
19 January 2008, 11:42 AM
#166
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That is a fantastic idea as at the end of the day, the money that is paid (in my case £22 a week) is for the child and I make sure it goes on her! Granted it does not get her much but that is all I can get for her so that is where it stays!
I dont go to her father asking for more! I work too so that tops up what she should have. Ex's are awful! Maybe I am too nice to mine but at the end of the day he does not see our daughter, just gives £22 a week and that is it for him!
I dont go to her father asking for more! I work too so that tops up what she should have. Ex's are awful! Maybe I am too nice to mine but at the end of the day he does not see our daughter, just gives £22 a week and that is it for him!
Those kinds of tossers we can all do without..... £22 a week, I can't get over that!! You have (not that you need it) my admiration...
19 January 2008, 12:00 PM
#167
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He sounds like someone who feels by paying £22 a week doesn't need to see his children, almost a fee by which he's absolved of all responsibility!
Those kinds of tossers we can all do without..... £22 a week, I can't get over that!! You have (not that you need it) my admiration...
Those kinds of tossers we can all do without..... £22 a week, I can't get over that!! You have (not that you need it) my admiration...
That is what makes me so mad about his situation with his ex as she gets so much and does bugger all to support her own children, just takes it all from him!
She drinks LOADS, smokes, goes on hoildays aboard without her kids, dresses well and the poor kids are pushed from pillar to post and I dont see them in decent clothes for the money she gets! Not rocket science as to where Swiss' money goes!!!!!! That in my eyes does not make a good mother! Rant over!
19 January 2008, 12:27 PM
#168
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She drinks LOADS, smokes, goes on hoildays aboard without her kids, dresses well and the poor kids are pushed from pillar to post and I dont see them in decent clothes for the money she gets! Not rocket science as to where Swiss' money goes!!!!!! That in my eyes does not make a good mother! Rant over!
If something doesn't change soon any resentment you're feeling towards her (justifiably so!) could end up spilling over into your relationship with Swiss. She must know this and be smug in the knowledge that she's holding all the cards.
The only course of action I can see is for him to get tough on her. She sounds like she needs bringing down from her high horse and being shown the reality of the situation.
I guess it'll get messy but the balance of power needs to be equated here.
19 January 2008, 01:21 PM
#169
Afternoon everyone and happy Saturday. well last night was a very interesting and fun night
Thx again for all the comments, certainly food for thought.
Notorious
In an ideal situation that would be great, but since we both work, have a small 3 year old girl as well to look after, it might be difficult. Also I dont think a) the ex would go for it and b) I couldnt force my two ankle biters on my g/f ...the little darlings Nice idea though and thanks 
Leslie
Since I have no proof of this and frankly I dont want to go down this road, as against all evidence, the ex is a decent mother, albeit with tendency's to offload the kids when she can. I forsee a whole load of grief using that as bargaining tool. Instead I am going to use the calculation on maintenance as a bargaining tool in the fight to either reduce my outgoings or to level the playing field so to speak..in my favour.
Sally
I am working hard to avoid anything like that happening. I see your point and so does zoe. We are just aiming to keep the distnace but level out the time I get and what I pay without affecting my access.
The ex knows fine well that I completely dote on my boys and would do anything for them.and that is where she uses the leverage
the trick is showing to her that I still care about them, the money dosent give me all the rights in the world, but it should give me her respect in the fact that I do a lot, pay a lot and am not an absent father.
that is the real battle as I see it, oh and the fact that my g/f is far more attractive, more of a woman than the ex ever was and far younger obviously dosent help
Thx again for all the comments, certainly food for thought.
Notorious
Swiss, do you have the option of going for joint custody? No maintenance to pay, see your kids 50% of the week etc. etc.
Nice idea though and thanks Leslie
You might well have a case in that she is risking being thought unfit to care for the children because of her behaviour. Could be something you could use in your defence towards her.
Sally
If something doesn't change soon any resentment you're feeling towards her (justifiably so!) could end up spilling over into your relationship with Swiss. She must know this and be smug in the knowledge that she's holding all the cards.
The ex knows fine well that I completely dote on my boys and would do anything for them.and that is where she uses the leverage
the trick is showing to her that I still care about them, the money dosent give me all the rights in the world, but it should give me her respect in the fact that I do a lot, pay a lot and am not an absent father.
that is the real battle as I see it, oh and the fact that my g/f is far more attractive, more of a woman than the ex ever was and far younger obviously dosent help
19 January 2008, 01:34 PM
#170
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I suppose it all comes down to how much she wants the money, this is your leverage with her. Don't listen to her threats that she'll withdraw access etc, she sounds like she needs you there to take care of the boys so that she can continue with her current lifestyle. It's all down to a battle of the wills, don't let her get on top of you, you hold as many cards as she does.
Bitter twisted old hag
Bitter twisted old hag
19 January 2008, 01:41 PM
#172
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Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel ill Remember, stand up for yourself, show her that you are not going to to be messed around by her a moment longer, it's a battle of the wills and you're going to win
Remember, stand up for yourself, show her that you are not going to to be messed around by her a moment longer, it's a battle of the wills and you're going to win
19 January 2008, 01:53 PM
#173
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19 January 2008, 05:39 PM
#176
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Just to add from memory also, if you are paying through the CSA, that automatically gives you rights to see your kids, unless she can prove that you are unfit to do so.
19 January 2008, 07:39 PM
#177
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I suppose it all comes down to how much she wants the money, this is your leverage with her. Don't listen to her threats that she'll withdraw access etc, she sounds like she needs you there to take care of the boys so that she can continue with her current lifestyle. It's all down to a battle of the wills, don't let her get on top of you, you hold as many cards as she does.
Bitter twisted old hag
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19 January 2008, 07:48 PM
#178
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I have as some people know on here two kids by different mothers.
By **** they couldnt be any different .... my oldest boys mother stands on her two feet & does really well for herself, she only ask's that if she needs help then i help her. I think thats been twice in 4 yrs.
My youngest boy's mother well ..... i dont have all night
As for having the boys i have them at least two nights a week & more if i can although sometimes work commitments dont help.
By **** they couldnt be any different .... my oldest boys mother stands on her two feet & does really well for herself, she only ask's that if she needs help then i help her. I think thats been twice in 4 yrs.
My youngest boy's mother well ..... i dont have all night
As for having the boys i have them at least two nights a week & more if i can although sometimes work commitments dont help.
19 January 2008, 10:21 PM
#179
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19 January 2008, 10:30 PM
#180
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Edited to say that this will be the situation when we've sold our apartment and gone our separate ways.