Who told you about my wife's spending habits

 

Jasey, you told me the handbags, shoes and dresses were yours

 

Umm, yes I would have said that. Yes OK, racking up £60,000 worth of debt behind your partners back is not on but marriage is meant to be a partnership and you are meant to help each other. Besides I think the posters debt was cost of living type things and not shoes and dresses.

 

They're pressies for my favourite SN ex-mod

 

http://www.channel4.com/microsites/T...yourmoney.html

Advert on Channel 4 asking if you've run up large debt and kept it from your wife.... I thought they were advertising this thread!

 

lol, you've kept it from the wife and she's a bit pissed off about it - imagine her reaction when its on national telly that she had no idea

I can imagine it now - "Darling I've got some good news and some bad news - the good news is we've been accepted for a TV show, but the bad news is...."

 

I havent read the whole 5 pages im afraid, but i do feel for you.

I have a debt issue as well, although not quite on your scale, and found the following website extremely useful....

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Subscribe to the newsletter and hit the forums, these guys really do know what they are talking about.

 

Update for those interested.

Last night I had an appointment with a debt counceller from CCCS. They were very helpful and sympathetic, whilst remaining completely impartial.

Having gone through my income and expenditure, the have recommended a Debt Management Plan. This is effectively acknowledging my debts to my creditors and offering to pay them a certain amount on a monthly basis (this is pro-rata between the amounts owed, i.e. the highest debt gets the highest monthly payment) until they are paid off. On the basis that they will all cancel interest additions, CCCS believe this will take 16 years to pay off (although some my well not cancel interest in which case it will take much longer). Unfortunately, I don't have any cash to offer as a "full and final settlement" figures, so a monthly payment will be my only option.
Obviously my credit rating in the meantime is shot, but I am now very much learning my lesson and will not be wanting credit again.

CCCS are now sending me details of my agreed monthly budget, and I will in turn be providing this to all my creditors. In addition, CCCS have worked out the monthly pro-rata payments I need to offer them. Whilst there may be a light at the end of the tunnell, I was warned that it will get harder before it gets easier because it's now I will start defaulting on payments and this will start the standard process of letters, followed by nasty letter, followed by debt collectors, followed by (potentially) a court summons. As I now have a councellor allocated to me for a period of 6 months, I can call them at anytime and ask for advice on how to deal with a situation.

So financially, it is something I can resolve with time and there is a light (however small) at the end of the tunnel.

My marriage, however, is a different story. It's obviously hit my wife very hard and she is still in shock. The fact that I kept this from her for so long has made her feel betrayed and she says she will never be able to trust me again. I have therefore moved out and currently staying with my parents (rent-free) and haven't seen her in the last week or so (although do speak to my son on the phone every day). I'm hoping that she will start to miss me soon and the things I do around the house and ask for me to go home, but I will have to be patient and wait to see what happens. I don't want my marriage to end certainly, and I'll do everything I can to make it work, regardless of my situation, but I have no control over it at the moment. Time will tell I guess.

 

Go to a marriage counsellor. Your wife's reaction is understandable.

Not sure if they have counsellors specified in hiding debts rather than the usual having affairs - you might want to ask around.

 

The good side of it is that you have realised that there is a debt issue and started to resolve it. I would say that you have overcome the hardest part so far.

Have you spoken to your wife about the issues? Have you asked what you can do to rectify the situation?

 

Or maybe just have the affair anyway - at least then the counsellors will know what to say.

 

Youve done the right thing by moving out. Give her a bit of breathing space. Let her decide on what she is going to do for the future. It may work for or against you but it was a big shock for her. Yes she does feel betrayed but at the end of the day, you did it for your family and hopefully she will understand that.
Well done for getting help with you finances. aLot of people would just sit a let it build up. Yes you will struggle but hopefully with help from your family you will get thru this. Use it as a learning curve. Mistakes happen, unfortuatly your leaning the hard way but in the end all will be fine. Keep going mate, and keep us updated.
Steve

 

Is this also part of your professional insolvency advice? Broadminded firm you work for...

 

 

Not part of the professional advice

More an observation on life

It happens all the time, people and debt. Life is too short not to pick themselves up and move on with their lives.

If the original posted had blown the cash on ****** and drugs I could see her point.

But for a wife not to see that her husband was spending more than he could afford, or if she did, not to sit down and talk it through, and then go down the whole "betrayed" route suggests she needs a good kick up the **** (as, I suspect, does the relationship generally)

If he has an affair, then she'll see what betrayed really means and have something to really complain about

 

16 years is along time, and the interest and total debt that would be payable would huge, and to be honest i wouldn't even consider it.

You could opt for an IVA which would traditionally only take five years, but even that would be a long slog.

Don't dismiss bankruptcy, it has plus points and minus points but i would say the process was designed for people like you. Granted, there is a stigma attached and there would be some sacrafies, but from a financial point of view i would say it is the most cost effective option.

Your debts (62k) would be written off and vest in your bankruptcy estate and your creditors would not be able to chase you for repayment. Believe me, this is a big weight that would be lifted off your shoulders. You would be deemed bankrupt for 12 months, but may get an early discharge before that and assuming you having been selling major assets off to family members for 1p you wouldn't be subject to a Bankruptcy Restriction Order. BRO is an order made by court stating your financial conduct has been unsatisfactory and you should be subject to a set of restrictions for anything up to 15 years.

On the minus side it would be advertised in your local paper, all of your assets would vest in your trustee to realise/sell. However, that may not be as bad as you think. I assume you have a scoob and if it was worth more than say £5k that would be claimed as an asset of excessive value. You could claim it as exempt if you need it for work but they would probably have it and give you £2k to buy some sensible.

Your interest in your property would need to be realised. Assuming its 50/50 and your wife is a joint owner and on the mortgage on the figures you gave me your interest would be valued at £21k. Thats what the trustee would be after, they would only take the property if you and your wife refused to pay/co-operate. I reckon you could remortgage and make them an offer of £17k. They would accept that as it would save them the cost of going to court and their time costs. Would be in best interests of your creditors.

Because of your income £43k a year you might have to make a monthly contribution to your bankruptcy estate, but it's likely to be alot less than your credit card/loan installments and you could argue you need this money to pay for the remortgage to buy back your interest in the property.

Bascially, for about £17k you would be debt free with a slighty bigger mortgage and still have your house. It's up to you at the end of the day but
I suggest you seek some advice from a proper well known Insolvency Practitioner. It may cost you a couple of hundred but it will be the best money you spend. Hell, stick it on the card before you petition for your bankruptcy order.

Ps - I didn't tell you that !

 

16 years!!!! And your credit rating will be screwed for 21 years (5 years since the last debt recorded as paid)

**** that, see a solicitor specialising in insolvency and see if there is anyway to go bankrupt and keep the house. Forget the morals of the situation you have to now use the system and be smart. Even if that means transferring your share of the house into another persons name and then going bankrupt in 2-3 years.

There are ways to keep the family home in bankruptcy that you need legal advice on.

For example you may be able to get a secured loan for your share of the property and the money goes straight to the trustee, that is assuming no other arrangements could be made.

 

what I find astounding is that your wifes spending habits have had a definite impact on your situation now, I take it this isnt he first holiday you've had together, no doubt you paid for all the previous ones to.
Sorry to all the tree hugging do-gooders but her attitude is a disgrace to the sacrement of marriage.

Till death......
not:
Till the money runs out..,...

edit: I really feel for you as I left uni some 15years ago with savage debts, took my 6 years of having no spending or float money to pay it off, your saving grace is you have a mortgage with equity.
Release every penny you can, pay what you can and tell your wife to shut TF up and deal with it

 

Also - if you are getting divorced, make yourself bankrupt before the divorce goes through.

Technically on the making of the bankruptcy order all of your assets vest in your trustee so the divorce court will be unable to award your wife any additional assets that she doesn't already own as technically you don't own any, your trustee in bankruptcy does.

Watch her face then. Ps - i do not suggest making yourself bankrupt to get at your wife.

 

Your wife needs to realise that you both are in good health and you have a son between you

Get a calender up on the wall, covering the years left to pay off your debts. Mark the days on the calender with big red crosses and every day that goes by tick off one day with a black cross

The time will go, It will be tough but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Make sure you take care of your son too

Best of luck mate

 

Kind of what I was trying to say at the same time

Officially the car limit is around £3000 but in practice they aren't going to make you sell a car worth £7000 because it just isn't worth it (by the time it's sold at auction for £5000 and fees taken off etc)

Bankruptcy Payment Orders or Undertakings have to be made during the period you are bankrupt so you need to avoid these at all costs. there are people earning £80,000 who don't pay a penny and the secret is to make your living expenses virtually equal to your income - which isn't that hard these days.

As I said, speak to a good insolvency lawyer but you don't want to spend the next 16 years suffering.

 

I have no personal experience of the subject, but Jonto's advice seems sound.

 

Hello, Indespair, you sound a lot more level in your last post than your first, although I haven't read all replies in between.

So you spoke to the debt counsellors and they worked a plan out for 16 years of repayments? And your credit will obvioulsy be screwed, and TBH the last thing you want is Capital One posting you a pre-approved application everyday anyway!

Have you tried The National Debtline which was mentioned earlier? My brother dealt with them, as did a friend, and they are very good. They don't side with the banks at all and are very frank.

I would strongly advise you get as much advice from as many outlets as you can before deciding on which course of action to take, the last thing you want to do is commit to a long term plan that may not be exactly right for you, or to miss out on a quicker, easier way to solve this issue. Take your time, there is no real rush and there may be lots of avenues to explore.

As I understand it (I have no great experience on the subject and please do not follow this advice without speaking to the debtline) the loans and the credit cards are unsecured, therefore they are not secured on your house, which would make your house safe, in theory, if you were to default these loans. I think!!!!

So you have a lump sum of several thousand pounds, before you pay off the cards, try stopping paying them for a while. They would refuse to suspend interest or to negotiate in the first instance. But then if you were to cease payments for a few months, then offer them a % of the sum, you'd probably be surprised at their willingness to just try and get something from you, rather than drag you through the courts and end up getting a fiver a month forever. From friends experience, I know the banks will almost definetly settle in the region of 40% after several months of not paying and hard negotiation. You may also be able to negotiate that they show the debt as satisfactorily settled on your record. This way your credit will be repaired a lot quicker, I think, and you obviously won't have the pressure and the debt for 16 years.

May be worth signing anything you want to keep over to your wife before you start any real action, just in case. And never allow bailiffs in to your house, if it comes to that!

I hope you are feeling less overwhelmed by this now, if you look at the levels of bad debt reported by the high street banks, it is in the billions every year, this is not rare and the banks are fully aware of the problems. Plus they all know how much you owe other banks when they agree to lend you more money, which makes me think there should be regulations to stop people drowning in debt, which will be bad for everyone in the end. Doesn't make your situation any better, but there are millions of people in far worse situations than you, mate!

Have you asked your boss for a raise?

 

In Despair,

sounds like you have made some tough decisions that are the right ones for you. There are apparently easier paths and they are not the right ones for you.

The key question you may want to explore is whether you can free up more than the £4k a year you are allocating to your debt. Or if there is any way you can create more income. This will be tough but will reduce your debt time considerably.

I hope it works out well between yourself and your wife.

Good luck and have courage.

Rannoch

 

16 years??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?????

You could just realise all your assets now, take some more credit then p1ss off to the sun with the lot for 6 years or so and leave the beatch behind.

I'd rather spend 6 yrs on a beach than 16yrs living like a pauper.

 

Ignore the daft comments about your wife. Give her time and space and see what happens. I'd strongly recommend you contact Relate - they usually have a bit of a waiting list, but get on the list and start getting some help. You're getting support to sort out your finances - you also need support to sort out your marriage.

Good luck

 

If the relationship isn't going well i certainly wouldn't sign anything over to the wife, it's as close to giving her a big stick to hit you with. If you sign it over then split you'll get naff and she'll be laughing.

 

Well if this is any help to you i will offer it. I was same predicament. Motors, credit cards and one unsecured loan, to tune of about 25k,. Now this is law in so far as scotland is concerned.
Any debts under 15 k each, excluding council tax arrears, by law the courts need to offer ``time to pay`` option, so if it gets to court, which it normally does for cases like this, not all is lost, as long as u stick to a payment schedule. I took up driving a cab to pay my debts off, not quite there yet, but almost there, i paid in the region of 2 k a month back in repayments, targetting the bigger debts first, 10k, 6, and scores of small ones. So be open and honest with creditors most are ok to deal with, the best i found were halifax group, fantastic poeple,,good luck.

 

How old is this thread

Your about 7 months too late with your advice

I would imagine the original thread starter has sorted it out or gone bankrupt by now

 

Update ???