I think i may have a slight problem :(
13 November 2004, 06:10 PM
#122
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I want to know who else like me went for a dump and at the point where a bit of 'pushing' may be required suddenly thought of this thread and decided that it could take all the time it needed to work itself lose! ??!?! 
13 November 2004, 06:18 PM
#123
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Clue is in my forum nickname. So at this point might I recommend the benefits of the vegetarian diet rich in fibre and wholefoods. This concept of straining is one unknown to me. Not preaching just suggesting
13 November 2004, 07:30 PM
#125
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Since this thread has appeared, when I need a dump, I take with me:
1) Paper
2) Book
3) Mobile Phone
4) Home Phone (just in case mobile battery goes)
5) Water
6) Emergency Rations
why you ask?
as there is no fooking chance I am forcing it out anymore, the kids can take as long as they want to get in the pool
This thread has scared the **** (pun intended 
) out of me, don't want it ever to happen.
chopper
1) Paper
2) Book
3) Mobile Phone
4) Home Phone (just in case mobile battery goes)
5) Water
6) Emergency Rations
why you ask?
as there is no fooking chance I am forcing it out anymore, the kids can take as long as they want to get in the poolThis thread has scared the **** (pun intended ) out of me, don't want it ever to happen.chopper
13 November 2004, 07:32 PM
#126
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Originally Posted by STi wanna Subaru
I want to know who else like me went for a dump and at the point where a bit of 'pushing' may be required suddenly thought of this thread and decided that it could take all the time it needed to work itself lose! ??!?!
Gently does it in future for sure. In fact, I don't think I'll ever look at "the old evacuation exercise" in the same way ever again after this thread.
Absolute cracker......
13 November 2004, 08:03 PM
#127
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This sounds a lot better than sticking fingers up back side !
If you are experiencing these symptoms:
Hemorrhoids
Itching caused from hemorrhoids
Pain and swelling from hemorrhoids
Red blood in your stool
Then Read This:
Studies have shown that 1 out of 3 people below the age of 50 will suffer from hemorrhoids- over 33%
1 out of 2 people over the age of 50 will suffer from hemorrhoids.
The normal case will last anywhere from a few days to many years.
If you are tired of suppositories and ointments that don't work, we have an easy-to-use solution.
After extensive consumer studies, our researchers have found a solution to your problems.
This solution is Avatrol
Simply take one pill in the morning for 14 days and Avatrol may be helpful for the symptoms you are experiencing.
Avatrol is an oral capsule
no messy creams, ointments or suppositories.
About Hemorrhoids:
There are two types of hemorrhoids each causing different problems:
Internal hemorrhoids - causes bright red blood in your stools and on the toilet paper
External hemorrhoids - causes itching and burning and sometimes even pain and swelling
The source of either types of hemorrhoids can be linked to variety of problems including:
Heavy lifting including weight lifting
Straining during bowel movement
Eating habits
Fluid intake
Food allergies
Pregnancy
Once your body tissue has been damaged it may not heal. This is why people with hemorrhoids cannot seem to get rid of the itching and the blood on the toilet paper. You must treat the hemorrhoids to aid in the healing process.
How Avatrol Works
The ingredients in Avatrol strengthen the veins so they can sustain increased blood flow. This will help ease the swelling of your hemorrhoids until they fully disappear (normally within 14 days of using Avatrol)
90 % Success Rate!
Nearly all our customers have been able to to relieve the symptoms of their hemorrhoids. We receive testimonials every day from people who try our product.
To read some of the testimonials from real customers click here....
Our Guarantee:
We are so confident that Avatrol will work for you that we ask you to try it, risk free, for 90 days. If you are not completely satisfied with the results then simply return the empty bottle/s back to us for a complete refund (excluding shipping).
If you are experiencing these symptoms:
Hemorrhoids
Itching caused from hemorrhoids
Pain and swelling from hemorrhoids
Red blood in your stool
Then Read This:
Studies have shown that 1 out of 3 people below the age of 50 will suffer from hemorrhoids- over 33%
1 out of 2 people over the age of 50 will suffer from hemorrhoids.
The normal case will last anywhere from a few days to many years.
If you are tired of suppositories and ointments that don't work, we have an easy-to-use solution.
After extensive consumer studies, our researchers have found a solution to your problems.
This solution is Avatrol
Simply take one pill in the morning for 14 days and Avatrol may be helpful for the symptoms you are experiencing.
Avatrol is an oral capsule
no messy creams, ointments or suppositories.
About Hemorrhoids:
There are two types of hemorrhoids each causing different problems:
Internal hemorrhoids - causes bright red blood in your stools and on the toilet paper
External hemorrhoids - causes itching and burning and sometimes even pain and swelling
The source of either types of hemorrhoids can be linked to variety of problems including:
Heavy lifting including weight lifting
Straining during bowel movement
Eating habits
Fluid intake
Food allergies
Pregnancy
Once your body tissue has been damaged it may not heal. This is why people with hemorrhoids cannot seem to get rid of the itching and the blood on the toilet paper. You must treat the hemorrhoids to aid in the healing process.
How Avatrol Works
The ingredients in Avatrol strengthen the veins so they can sustain increased blood flow. This will help ease the swelling of your hemorrhoids until they fully disappear (normally within 14 days of using Avatrol)
90 % Success Rate!
Nearly all our customers have been able to to relieve the symptoms of their hemorrhoids. We receive testimonials every day from people who try our product.
To read some of the testimonials from real customers click here....
Our Guarantee:
We are so confident that Avatrol will work for you that we ask you to try it, risk free, for 90 days. If you are not completely satisfied with the results then simply return the empty bottle/s back to us for a complete refund (excluding shipping).
13 November 2004, 09:25 PM
#128
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The grapes of wrath
Give it 3 weeks.......... Sorry yes that's what it will take, you will also find it easier to pass those cactus spikes formerly known as turds if you increase your fibre intake, cereals, veg and bran. Don't take anything to read into the torture chamber (toilet) as this encourages you to remain in the toilet longer than you need with your rectum relaxed which agrevates the ****uation .... "oops" situation and don't strain let it happen. Piles.. the grapes of wrath, welcome to growing older. 
13 November 2004, 09:57 PM
#131
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PMSL!!! Shouldnt laugh really!
When all this has cleared up i suggest you read Filth by Irvine Welsh. You may find the central charactor amusing, and may even sympathise with him!
When all this has cleared up i suggest you read Filth by Irvine Welsh. You may find the central charactor amusing, and may even sympathise with him!
13 November 2004, 10:54 PM
#132
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Originally Posted by Vegescoob
Clue is in my forum nickname. So at this point might I recommend the benefits of the vegetarian diet rich in fibre and wholefoods. This concept of straining is one unknown to me. Not preaching just suggesting
Multi-flushes? You have no idea.
The experience of giving birth to a log is a novel one. Well it was. No longer. Since turning veggie some 17 years ago I can safely say that while haemorroids are a distant possibility, the abilty to pass a 6" wide brown brick is at least a weekly occurrence.
14 November 2004, 12:52 AM
#134
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All the suggestions of a high fibre diet with All Bran etc is a total load of crap I find eating a large Donor just before bed an accpetable alternative
Have dropped the kids of twice at the pool today and my other half still can't understand why I start laughing half way through thinking about this thread.
I find eating a large Donor just before bed an accpetable alternative Have dropped the kids of twice at the pool today and my other half still can't understand why I start laughing half way through thinking about this thread.
14 November 2004, 11:51 AM
#136
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Right lets get a couple of things straight ive read the whole thread and there a caouple of WARNINGS
1 anyone with piles DO NOT i repeat DO NOT increase your fibre intake by eating ALL BRAN.....having had piles the size of McNuggets
I was given the excellant advice of eating more fibre. So I ate some ALL BRAN, let me tell you after o'ding on it the following happens. Your chocolate spiral speedway starts working quicker than 6 pints of special brew and a vindaloo. There lies the problem the bran has not been digested properly and comes out WHOLE..... let me tell you it was like crapping chocolate matchsticks.......then the scary part...
one push and wheeeeeeyy im free........OMfeckingG the pain
one of the ******* had only speared the McNugget at that point do I
a SHout for my wife for help (I think not)
b run round the house shouting screaming with a chocolate matchstick stuck out of my ar$e
c Pull it out?
I'll let you guess which I did, to say the least I can't face all bran anymore and when someone passes those chocolate matchstick sweets around at chirstmas I go a pale shade of white.
2 Second warning be very very careful with the toliet seat, the above said McNugget was involved in a very nasty accident with the toilet seat. Imagine the picture i'm sat there finishing the business and being very gentle. A wipe too much and OWWWW!!! i jump forward the toilet LID
slams down and SHEARS THE NUGGET CLEAN OFF
please be careful out there
Paul
1 anyone with piles DO NOT i repeat DO NOT increase your fibre intake by eating ALL BRAN.....having had piles the size of McNuggets
I was given the excellant advice of eating more fibre. So I ate some ALL BRAN, let me tell you after o'ding on it the following happens. Your chocolate spiral speedway starts working quicker than 6 pints of special brew and a vindaloo. There lies the problem the bran has not been digested properly and comes out WHOLE..... let me tell you it was like crapping chocolate matchsticks.......then the scary part...one push and wheeeeeeyy im free........OMfeckingG the pain
one of the ******* had only speared the McNugget at that point do I a SHout for my wife for help (I think not)
b run round the house shouting screaming with a chocolate matchstick stuck out of my ar$e
c Pull it out?
I'll let you guess which I did, to say the least I can't face all bran anymore and when someone passes those chocolate matchstick sweets around at chirstmas I go a pale shade of white.
2 Second warning be very very careful with the toliet seat, the above said McNugget was involved in a very nasty accident with the toilet seat. Imagine the picture i'm sat there finishing the business and being very gentle. A wipe too much and OWWWW!!! i jump forward the toilet LID
slams down and SHEARS THE NUGGET CLEAN OFF
please be careful out there
Paul
14 November 2004, 11:55 AM
#137
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My **** cheeks are clenched tighter than a gnats chuff after reading hawks post!!!
OMFG
I'm not going to be able to walk properly for a WEEK after that picture!
OMFG
I'm not going to be able to walk properly for a WEEK after that picture!
15 November 2004, 10:41 AM
#139
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Originally Posted by boxst
Hello
Go to the chemist and buy anusol or it's equivalent. That will relieve the pain. Also sit in a warm bath. The pain goes away eventually.
Unfortunately the hemorhoid may not go away, even though the pain has gone. You may be left with something that dangles from your bottom. If it irratates you, you can have it removed but doctors do not normally bother unless it is causing pain.
Good luck!
Steve.
Go to the chemist and buy anusol or it's equivalent. That will relieve the pain. Also sit in a warm bath. The pain goes away eventually.
Unfortunately the hemorhoid may not go away, even though the pain has gone. You may be left with something that dangles from your bottom. If it irratates you, you can have it removed but doctors do not normally bother unless it is causing pain.
Good luck!
Steve.
Has your boyfriend got any kind of problems with his *****?
15 November 2004, 11:01 AM
#140
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HERES SOME REAL ADVICE
Ok.
Ignore all of the above and dont be worried.
Just because some of the above peeps have had those experiences dosent mean you will.
One of the best natural remedies is Witch Hazel (i have a friend who is into homeopathy and natural remedies) and Arnica to take away the swelling. You can buy Arnica cream and distillied witch hazel from the chemist for about 95p! Just douse some cotton wool in Witch hazel..then dab it..and if possible sort of wedge it between your buttocks for about an hour. Then use the arnica cream (you can buy tablets too) to take away the swelling.
Hope that helps
Bons
x
Ignore all of the above and dont be worried.
Just because some of the above peeps have had those experiences dosent mean you will.
One of the best natural remedies is Witch Hazel (i have a friend who is into homeopathy and natural remedies) and Arnica to take away the swelling. You can buy Arnica cream and distillied witch hazel from the chemist for about 95p! Just douse some cotton wool in Witch hazel..then dab it..and if possible sort of wedge it between your buttocks for about an hour. Then use the arnica cream (you can buy tablets too) to take away the swelling.
Hope that helps
Bons
x
15 November 2004, 11:32 AM
#142
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there is a certain fear about me sittin in this chair reading this. im more aware of my ar$e being there.
and definitly thought about it this morning whilst in a hurry to get out the house rushing around then had to sit and relax for ten minutes in the bathroom so as not to invite whats coming in later life too soon.
and definitly thought about it this morning whilst in a hurry to get out the house rushing around then had to sit and relax for ten minutes in the bathroom so as not to invite whats coming in later life too soon.
15 November 2004, 11:54 AM
#143
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Originally Posted by Bons
Ok.
Ignore all of the above and dont be worried.
Just because some of the above peeps have had those experiences dosent mean you will.
One of the best natural remedies is Witch Hazel (i have a friend who is into homeopathy and natural remedies) and Arnica to take away the swelling. You can buy Arnica cream and distillied witch hazel from the chemist for about 95p! Just douse some cotton wool in Witch hazel..then dab it..and if possible sort of wedge it between your buttocks for about an hour. Then use the arnica cream (you can buy tablets too) to take away the swelling.
Hope that helps
Bons
x
Ignore all of the above and dont be worried.
Just because some of the above peeps have had those experiences dosent mean you will.
One of the best natural remedies is Witch Hazel (i have a friend who is into homeopathy and natural remedies) and Arnica to take away the swelling. You can buy Arnica cream and distillied witch hazel from the chemist for about 95p! Just douse some cotton wool in Witch hazel..then dab it..and if possible sort of wedge it between your buttocks for about an hour. Then use the arnica cream (you can buy tablets too) to take away the swelling.
Hope that helps
Bons
x
15 November 2004, 11:58 AM
#144
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Pah - I went just now and didnt strain......took twice as long as usual thou and the office **** (Boss) raised an eyebrow upon my return! Thinking maybe now he thinks I have an **** problem
Oh well....enjoy your piles everyone
Oh well....enjoy your piles everyone
15 November 2004, 02:15 PM
#145
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Originally Posted by jasey
Hmmm - Some real advice from a newbie with one post - Advice receiver beware
I'm told that webbie will reveal real user names at some stage
15 November 2004, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Spoon
It's the right time of year to get them.
Just think, if you could cultivate more then you could tell people it's Christmarsé bunting.
Just think, if you could cultivate more then you could tell people it's Christmarsé bunting.
, not just for Christmas